The Wolfenstein Experiments

It looks as if my travel report is a little late. I'm already back in Bavaria again! Has something like that ever happened to you? It does frequently to me. You are on a journey and really busy exploring all the sights. When it's almost over, you think to yourself: "Damn, I ought to write a postcard!" So you scribble something down and send it off from the airport, just before getting on the plane. And you end up seeing your friends again long before the card ever arrives...

In this case, though, I'm not going to apologize for it. You would have neglected blogging, too, had you been in my position. Visiting Niki Flynn, there is just far too much good stuff to do. Not a minute left to concern yourself with things you might as well do alone at home.

Niki has already posted her account of events (love the title!). What can I, the dry obsessive chronicler, add to it? Statistics, of course. In total, I dished out 8 hand spankings, 1 hairbrush spanking and 5 canings. I think... It's hard to keep count with that girl. See why I didn't have time to write? And in the rare moments devoid of bottom smacking, we were watching Hammer horror films or reenacting scenes from Silence of the Lambs. In so many words: if I had to repeat any of these days forever in Groundhog Day mode, I wouldn't complain.

Mind you, it's not like we were lazing around all the time. No, Sir, there was plenty of serious study and exercise. I enriched Niki's German skills with the following three (err, four) sentences:

"My hovercraft is full of eels."
"I can kill bats with an egg spoon."
"Honey, can you pass me the chainsaw? I want to cut my toes off."

Now, I agree, failure to protect your hovercraft from anguilliformes invasion is not a spankable offense. But believe it or not, Niki didn't know where that famous line is from, and such a gap in education surely deserves a good thrashing. The second sentence is of Monty Python origin, too, from a John Cleese interview on German TV. Did anyone recognize the third one? It's a variation on George Carlin (rest in peace, George, you will be missed).

You can imagine that my right arm was hurting quite a bit after all the teaching work. Not nearly as much as Niki's bottom, of course. But don't pity the poor girl too much. She got her revenge, and I my long-awaited comeuppance, as requested by the readers. You'll be pleased to hear that it was a rather severe caning, too. Ouch! Painful indeed. And with me switching so rarely, it produced some very lively welts. Thankfully, while sensitive skin marks quickly, it also heals quickly. So after a few days, undoubtedly to the disappointment of Miss Flynn and the sadistic voters, I am sitting down comfortably again. Thank you for asking.

I'm working on that clip right now. The computer was giving me trouble, and that's not a lame excuse, it is the annoying truth. My video capture card hasn't worked in a while, but I was finally able to fix the problem yesterday. Afterwards, I encountered another issue with encoding the uncompressed movies, one I had never had before. I've been able to solve that, too. Most of my free time since coming back to Munich was consumed by techie crap.

Now everything is functioning fine, and I just need a bit of time to edit the video (needless to say, there are several camera perspectives). It will be published early next week. In the meantime, I leave you with some outdoor pictures:

What a view, eh? And here's a tidbit of previously undisclosed werewolf lore: Niki owns a car. Around 34 million people in the UK do, so I suppose I can safely reveal this. I'm just mentioning it because you'll be interested to learn that she makes little mouse sounds while driving. "Feep! Feep!" It's true. Whenever there is a sharp turn, whenever another car approaches on the opposite lane at high speed: "Feep!" Too sweet.

After we were driving for a while, I started filming the scenery. She turned to the camera and said, deadpan: "Let me know if you see a good place to dump the body."

For me at least, these two little anecdotes capture the essence of Niki Flynn better than any long-winded description. She is a very cute girl with a very dark imagination. How lucky we are that she exists. No mad scientist, no matter how big and complex his laboratory, could come up with a creature like this one.