Kaelah's Corner (Sep 2015): From Bottom to Top

As you might have realised from some of my recent posts, it seems that I have developed more of a toppy mindset than when I began to practise erotic spanking. Of course, not every bottom goes through this kind of change, as, for instance, Erica Scott has pointed out eloquently in several of her posts. But it doesn't seem an uncommon development. And I have wondered what drives this kind of change.

When I think back to my first kinky fantasies, I was usually only an observer. I think I identified more with the bottoms than with the tops in my fantasy scenarios, but I still imagined the scene from both points of view.

Later, when I started out trying spanking for real with Ludwig, it was clear to me that I would make my first experiments as a bottom. The idea of being spanked turned me on and I wanted to be guided through the experience. I always used to top a lot from the bottom, as is for instance obvious in our account of our very first scene together. But I also sought the experience of letting myself fall, and that is only possible as a bottom.

Part of my kink is about being accepted and admired for something I do, which is most probably the main reason why I live out my kink so publicly and write a blog. Doing certain scenes (for instance, the more severe ones), made me feel strong and granted me Ludwig's and the audience's admiration. Our first scene wasn't an initiation ritual for no reason, and I very much enjoyed the experience of collecting more and more experiences and becoming an active member of the online spanking community.

I think that having achieved a certain level of experience as a bottom was what finally made it possible for me to also try myself as a top. By then I felt comfortable enough to take over control, which proved to be something that gives me pleasure as well. I had done enough scenes as a bottom, some rather explicitly for Ludwig, thus I felt I could ask something from him in return.

Again, the idea of being trusted enough from someone to be accepted as a top and to be allowed to be in control was an idea that turned me on. That's why it was especially thrilling to have Ludwig switch for me, because he is mostly a top and only switches on rare occasions for people he deeply trusts. Therefore, topping also gave me a feeling of strength and was another role in which I could gain experience, acceptance and maybe even admiration.

Today, I see myself as a real switch. In my intimate sexual play, my fantasies are mostly bottom fantasies, which I think has to do with the fact that these fantasies allow me to be more passive, to let go and focus on my own pleasure. In my more formal fantasies and role-play scenes, I prefer the role of a top now. I like the feeling of power, of being in control and of others trusting me. Playing on both sides can make me feel strong and accepted, especially when it is in public or accounts, pictures or videos of it are posted on our blog.

So I think that the shift from bottom to top has something to do with experience and the feeling of having done enough things on the bottom side to become a trustworthy top who can lead others. In my kinky and my vanilla fantasies, the main characters also usually make that development from student to teacher, cadet to instructor or the like.

Maybe the shift also has to do with the fact that pain doesn't really turn me on anymore and that I therefore don't seek it out often in my kinky play nowadays. That's a topic I want to cover in a separate post, though. For today, I would love to hear your experiences with changing (or not changing) preferences and roles in your kinky play. For those who switched from the bottom role more into the top role: Do you have any explanation for that shift? I would love to hear about your thoughts in the comment section!

Military Discipline Fantasies (Part 2)

This is the second part of our photo set shot in a military fort. You can find the first half of the pictures here.

In one of the bunkers on the side, Ludwig and I tried to picture how kinky military discipline in the quarters of young cadets might have looked. Since the space was only sparsely furnished, a stool would probably have to do as a bench to bend over.

Spankings would surely have been on the bare bottom, either with the hand for minor infractions or with a whip or cane for more serious offences.

And in the first weeks especially, the view of well-chastised cadets kneeling on a stool in a corner, contemplating their misdeeds, would surely have been a common one.

Afterwards, many of them would have slept with a very sore bottom. All in the name of order and discipline. It's not like any of the instructors secretly enjoyed their duty. Or some of the cadets the very special views they got of their fellow mates...

Speaking of spankings and views - if you want to participate in the vote for my blogiversary spanking, you still have the chance to do so until Sunday 23:59 h German time!

Kaelah's Corner (Aug 2015): The Dirty Halfdozen

I've been away and didn't have access to the blog, hence a very belated edition of Kaelah's Corner. And a special one, too, because this edition marks my sixth blogiversary. I didn't expect to reach this mark, but Ludwig is so extremely busy right now that we don't manage to edit our final videos and posts and so this blog continues for a bit longer than planned.

I thought about what I could do to celebrate my blogiversary and decided to follow a good old tradition. We will make another (most probably final) blogiversary clip in cooperation with our readers and commenters. It won't be an extremely severe clip because we already have one final severe caning with me on the receiving end in the queue. But I would like to do something very dear to my heart this time – an outdoor clip! I don't know whether we will find a good, safe environment for this purpose, but we will try.

To thank especially those who have been active commenters throughout the last six years, the rules will be as follows: Every commenter on this post will add one stroke to the tally, plus one stroke for every of my last five blogiversary posts and my first-ever post six years ago you commented on. Comments have ceased in the last months, so I am curious to see how many strokes I will get.

I haven't decided on an implement, yet, so I would like to hear your suggestions. Which implement do you think fits best? In my opinion, it should be something that suits an outdoor scene.

Many thanks to all of you who have accompanied me and Ludwig through the past six years (or a part of that time)! Writing a blog would be dull without readers and commenters.

Comments will be counted until Sunday the 27th September 23:59 h German time, so don't post your comment too late! I look forward to hearing from you. (Update: Please give yourself some kind of nickname in your comment, I can't count anonymous comments.)

Military Discipline Fantasies (Part 1)

A while ago, Ludwig and I had the chance to visit a Cold War field fortification. Luckily, the weapon systems stationed there never had to be used. Today, the whole facility makes for a very interesting museum.

While the idea of people killing each other in war makes me sad, the idea of military discipline is a hot one in the context of kinky fantasies. And so I couldn't resist the temptation to use the old systems for a much more peaceful and sexy purpose than the one they were originally made for. I don't know how long we stayed there exactly, but it was quite some time and we took a huge bunch of pictures!

Bending over like in the picture above would have been rather dangerous, had the gun still been in use. It would be a nice position for a caning or whipping, though, in my view.

This is not exactly a spanking position, but still a familiar one in the world of BDSM. I love the combination of nature and machinery.

While the pictures, or at least the ones shown here, aren't very explicit (hey, there were other people around!), I still like them very much. Okay, despite of the other visitors I couldn't refrain from having Ludwig take a few naughtier photos when no one could see us. I'll show you those in a follow-up post, soon.

Well, except for this one, which is already a bare bottom picture. I guess this position is much safer than the one in front of the barrel. Seems to be quite suitable for a spanking, too, though. Hope you enjoyed the pictures. If you like them, there is more to come!

Kaelah's Corner (Jul 2015): A Towel to Wipe Away the Tears

I entered the small establishment leaving the heat outside behind me. Without the need for instructions, I took off my shoes and put on a pair of slippers. I was greeted by two petite women. Quickly, I made my way to the lady's room to make sure I was well prepared for what was about to come. When I returned, I was led to a small compartment, already familiar to me from earlier visits.

It was spartanly equipped and I instantly spotted the one size fits all uniform which lay there waiting for me. I stepped out of my clothes and put on the trousers and the shirt. It covered my modesty, but the thin fabric didn't offer much protection. "Are you ready?" The call came from outside. "Almost." I pinned up my hair to get it out of the way and positioned myself face down on the mattress and closed my eyes.

One of the women entered the room. She had already been doing the job for quite a while, but today, she would only be watching, learning new techniques from the mistress herself. "I'm sorry, today it will be painful with her", she said, sounding serious. Then she joked: "Here is a towel for the tears." I looked up and replied: "Oh, and I thought it would be something to bite on." While the mood was a playful one, I knew that the comment about the upcoming pain was indeed correct. The idea of being a demonstration object scared me a bit, but I knew I was in experienced hands.

Then she entered the room. The session started. My whole body was game. She started with the feet and then went to the legs. The back of my legs is extremely sensitive and soon, I was thinking about safewording. Breath in the pain, breath out of the pain, I repeated in my head in order to calm myself down. My legs were soon on fire, even more so because of the hot cream that was used. It was clear that I would keep a few marks for the next several days.

The apprentice watched eagerly. She remarked how brave I was. From time to time I could see a glimpse of sympathy in her eyes. Not so in the mistress's actions. Quite the opposite: having found a spot I strongly reacted to always seemed to motivate her to pay even more attention to that area.

Most of the time I didn't understand what was said because it was in a foreign language. But I did understand the German instructions that were meant for me. So, I changed my position as ordered, put my hands behind my head, bent down and pulled off the shirt so that the mistress could pay attention to my bare shoulders and back. Sometimes the pain seemed unbearable. Then it took away my breath and made me tap my fingers or wriggle my legs. Sometimes the pain mingled with pleasure as I relaxed.

And finally it was over. Balm to reduce the pain was massaged into the skin on my back. I had survived. And I hadn't needed a towel to wipe away the tears. The whole session had lasted for almost one and a half hours. Without looking at the watch I would not have been able to tell, though. I thanked the mistress and was left alone again in order to get dressed.

When I left the compartment, I was greeted with: "Your tea is already waiting for you." It was time for the aftercare. I paid for my session first and directly made a new appointment. Then I snuggled into the cozy relax armchair and sipped my tea, feeling calm, happy and relaxed.

The next visitors, a young couple, were already waiting for their turn. They were led to the compartments. While I was still slowly sipping my tea, I could hear the woman moan and cry out gently. That's the normal background sound around here, I thought. When I was finished with my tea, I put back the tray and changed the slippers for my shoes. With a final farewell I left the establishment, greeted be the hot sun outside.

In the evening, while lying in bed with my muscles aching, I told Ludwig about my session on the phone. "A towel for the tears? That's cool." He laughed. "If that were a BDSM studio and not a Thai massage studio, the boss would surely be the most dreaded dominatrix", he remarked.

I am sure he is right. Especially because she has a few sayings which would suit a dominatrix very well, too. For instance: "I know it hurts. It must. Because then things will be getting better." Or: "You can scream if you like." And finally: "If you cry, I'll keep on laughing." To be fair, she also frequently apologizes for causing so much pain. And, it doesn't hurt all the time. Some parts of the massage are also pleasurable and relaxing.

And she is really good at her job. The massage helps me with my shoulder problems and makes me more bendable again. Plus, coming to the studio is like coming home. For one hour or more I feel very cared for and closely attended to. Afterwards I am as calm as I rarely am. Going to the massage is like an island in my everyday life, a time just for myself and a place to let go.

Thinking about it, that means it resembles the experience of going to a BDSM studio even more, I guess. I surely don't mind all the talk about pain and the hissing and moaning that can be heard almost every time I am there.

A Spanking Against Forgetfulness

Ludwig and I both have to juggle quite a few balls simultaneously in our everyday life. We both do pretty well, but, unfortunately, Ludwig is a bit of the absent-minded professor type sometimes. And so he tends to forget the one or other thing. Especially things which aren't that important in his view.

Like the springform tin I asked him to bring with him. Well, of course it really wasn't the most important thing on Earth, but not having the form caused some stress for me nonetheless. We had guests, and I had to reschedule my cooking plan because I now had only one tin instead of two as I had originally planned.

The next day we were making love in our bedroom when he admitted to me that he fantasized about being "punished" (we don't do real punishments, only playful fun punishments) for having missed an important deadline (much more important than the tin) a while ago. He had been lucky and everything could be fixed, but it had caused him some sleepless nights.

Since he couldn't punish himself (at least not with a spanking), he asked me whether I liked the idea of doing it. I wanted to know from him which punishment he would consider appropriate. Ludwig told me that he had thought about thirty cane strokes. I agreed with his assessment, but I wasn't up for such a severe scene right then.

Instead I told him: "There are other things which you've forgot and should be punished for as well. Like the springform tin which I would have needed yesterday." Ludwig wasn't too happy about the idea but he didn't have any good argument against my suggestion, either. I decided that a hand spanking would do the job in this case. And so I turned Ludwig around and pulled him over my lap on the bed.

I began to spank him hard on his bare bottom, slowly and systematically, putting all my energy into each smack. To my delight, Ludwig had to grit his teeth quite a bit and his rear end quickly turned red. It still amazes me that I am indeed able to cause these reactions with my small hand, especially from someone like Ludwig who can take a severe caning very stoically.

I paused in between sets of smacks, lecturing Ludwig that the springform tin had been important to me and that him not remembering to pack it meant more stress for me when we were having guests. Then I ramped up the speed which led to Ludwig grabbing the duvet with both hands and pressing his face into the cushion. He promised that he would try not to forget such things I asked him for in the future. I replied that he better should not and that he could write a note if it helped him.

Then I rounded the spanking off with a final series of hard and fast smacks. Again Ludwig stiffened as he gritted himself through the pain. Afterwards his bottom was visibly red, but my hand looked even worse. I cherished the result of my handiwork and the tingling in my own hand. Then I finished my other task at hand which had been interrupted by the spanking. Did the reminder work? We will see!

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2015): Hand of Doom

Most of my spanking fantasy scenarios involve implements. The most common one certainly is the cane. In my real-life play I love hand spankings, though, and not only as a bottom. My hand is also my favourite spanking “implement” as a top.

Of course, one reason for that could be the intimacy and the direct skin-to-skin-contact. I assume that is what most tops might say when being asked what they like about giving a hand spanking. But I think it isn't the most important aspect for me.

See, as a top, I love to provoke reactions. They don't have to be extreme, but they should be visible and / or audible nonetheless. With some implements, that goal can be achieved quite easily due to their severity. However, the idea of causing these reactions with my hands only is much more appealing to me than the idea of using an implement to achieve that goal. Because then it's “really” and purely me who has triggered the response.

Furthermore, it allows me to feel the efforts that I'm putting into a spanking myself through the pain in my hand. And I can see the effect afterwards when my hand is about as red as the spankee's bottom. Maybe it's because I am a switch, but I really like that. It means that I can provoke reactions as a top while simultaneously pushing myself a bit as well.

My desire to cause reactions and control a situation with my hand isn't only limited to spanking, though. I also love to tickle Ludwig and enjoy his response. And I have a thing for handjobs which allow me to connect with my mate and to feel what kind of touch he needs right at a certain moment and which kind of movement causes the strongest reactions.

Originally, Ludwig's kink doesn't really involve hand spankings. At least not as a bottom. They have a domestic touch to him which isn't his cup of tea. But the fact that I am so enthusiastic about them has made hand spankings attractive to him, too. Because when he switches to the bottom side, Ludwig loves it when the top enjoys herself and lets out her sadistic streak. Which is what I certainly do when giving a hand spanking.

Surprisingly, I am also able to cause some rather vivid reactions from Ludwig with my small hand. That always fascinates me, especially because Ludwig is able to take a rather severe caning without making a fuss. He tells me that for some reason I seem to be able to cause a lot of pain with my hands. Or at least a kind of pain that is harder for him to bear than, for instance, the pain caused by a cane. Of course that revelation absolutely feeds my kink.

In my next post, I will write about a recent hand spanking scene between Ludwig and me. Ludwig already suggested that we should do a hand spanking video since I am so enthusiastic about it. I am not sure whether that would be a good idea, though. Because I don't want any smart asses to show up and comment that hand spankings can't really hurt and that men who show reactions to a hand spanking are wimps or whatever. Well, we'll see.

How about you? Do you like to give or receive hand spankings? If so, why? Are there any others out there who enjoy provoking reactions with their hand only as much as I do? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comment section!