To start off the sunny cheerful month of May on this blog (at least it's sunny and cheerful where I live), here is an anecdote I recently heard from a friend from the local German BDSM scene. It's one of those stories that are hard to believe, but I consider it believable because the source is reliable and not known for making things up.
The source is a young woman who is into CP (as a bottom) and into more sexual forms of kinky play as well, and she likes to mix the two. She is also single at the moment and plays with many different people. (Before anyone asks, I never played with her myself. Kaelah and I only play with others during movie-making.) So, she was doing a classical "master, slave" scenario with a top she had met. They had played one or two times before and this was the first time when explicitly sexual activities were on the menu in addition to the CP. My friend wanted to take that step out of curiosity, even though by her own account, she already knew that no deeper relationship would develop with this particular top. He was basically a nice guy, but a little too self-important and too serious about the whole "master, slave" thing for her taste. One of the "I am Lord Sir Master Domly McDomlyson!" types. Still, why not do some sexual play with him. My friend felt attracted and excited enough for that.
They start the scenario, he whips her for a while and then he decides that he wants her to kneel down and give him a blowjob. No surprises so far, given how popular blowjobs are with the male population in general and toppy guys in particular. My friend does her best, which I am told is very good indeed, because she really enjoys the practice of fellatio. The only problem was, she seemed to be enjoying it a tad too much in the view of this particular master. Hey, this was supposed to be uncomfortable for the slave! A punishment, not a pleasure ride! He tried to think of something that would make things more uncomfortable for her.
So, here comes the good part. The guy goes to the kitchen (they were playing at his place) and, believe it or not, he puts chili on his penis. (It occurs to me that I never asked my friend whether it was chili sauce or chili powder. I was too busy laughing. In any case, it apparently was some really hot stuff, where you only need a tiny bit on your food and you already have a very spicy dish.) His thinking was that the hot chili would make the blowjob a more painful experience for her. He seemed oblivious to the fact that it would affect his penis in just the same way...
Needless to say, the play session came to a rather abrupt end. My friend, kneeling on the floor and patiently waiting for her man to return, just heard a scream of anguish from the kitchen, followed by wild curses. Alarmed, she ran over and discovered The Master in a rather undignified pose, frantically trying to wash the chili off his dick. She helped him (no, not with her mouth!) and it took a while for things to settle down again. I think they even tried pouring milk over the dick because it is supposed to neutralise the spice more effectively than water.
My friend was very polite about it all, which is to say, she only burst out laughing after she had left. Still, the guy has not called her since and has not expressed interest in any new play sessions. He is just too embarrassed. Well, it serves him right. I mean, good lord, how stupid can you be? I have a hard time feeling compassion when people inflict misfortune on themselves in such a staggeringly idiotic way. On the contrary, I admit to feeling a good amount of schadenfreude, all the more so because it hit one of those self-inflated "Lord Sir Master Domly McDomlyson" types. Har har!
(Sadly, I can not take credit for the wonderful "Lord Sir Master Domly McDomlyson" quip. Pandora Blake came up with that one in an older post of hers, and I loved it so much that I have remembered it ever since.)
My wish is that more pompous lords will put chili powder on their willies.
ReplyDeleteI don't like people who think they are more important than others in general and I certainly don't like Lord Sir Master Domly McDomlyson's in particular. (I do like this creation though, thank you Pandora and Ludwig).
ReplyDeleteI'm not a big fan of "Schadenfreude", but in this case I need to make an exception...
Ah, yes! Must be this "hot cock action" we hear about. Should have worn a condom (with the chilli on the outside, of course ...). Anyway, a culinary disaster, methinks. What was going to be on the menu for dessert, I wonder - capsaisin cream lightly drizzled on some very tender part at the rear, maybe?
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha! Thankyou for this story, Ludwig, it has given D and me the giggles. Selection of the fittest in action, methinks... :)
ReplyDeleteOops, sorry! Just noticed I misspelled capsaicin - obviously thinking too much about sin, so typed it! Had to correct it as I would not wish to add to the errors already on the internet.
ReplyDeleteDid she video this? It should be on YouTube :) Thanks for telling us about this, a laugh is always welcome.
ReplyDeletePrefectdt
Citrus juice helps, as the acid neutralizes the spice. But I don't think I'd have mentioned that to this particular dom!
ReplyDeleteThis is just soooo funny!
ReplyDeleteChocolate milk would have worked better. Some judges at Chili contests eat a piece of chocolate and bread between tastings because it react with the amino acids in the chocolate.
ReplyDeleteThis has got to end up in a porn flick some where.
I would not have been able to contain myself, if I were the sub....
ReplyDeleteDoes it sound nicer if I pretend that I don't enjoy the story out of schadenfreude but just out of pure innocent sadism? No? Well, it wouldn't be the truth, anyway... I love that story (as a sadist and someone who feels a good amount of schadenfreude)! ;-)
ReplyDeleteKaelah is a sadist? I learnt something new...
ReplyDeleteWell, lager, obviously. Milk? Milk???
ReplyDeleteNo, that's obviously wrong, wrong, wrong.
But, now, alcohol on the balls. Hmm. I'm not sure that's such a good idea.
Probably better to let the fire burn itself out!
This guy obviously has role confusion. He should be a very, very humble bottom.
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be children watching girls being severely caned on the internet or the viewing pictures of the aftermath that are so prevalent on so many sites? Does that bother you at all?
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous: My blog can only be accessed by clicking through the "Adult Content" warning by Blogger. And for the unlikely case that people missed that one, I have put up my own warning in the upper right corner: "If you find such content offensive, or if you are not of legal age to view adult material in your community, please go somewhere else."
ReplyDeleteSo, the blog is obviously and unambiguously marked as an "adult" blog. Some parents might not regard this as sufficient protection, because children could just click through such a content warning. However, in that case, they can install a content-control software ("cyber nanny") on their, or their child's, personal computer. Such programs are widely available, some are free and some operating systems (like Windows Vista) already come with them off the shelf.
First and foremost, what children view or do not view on the internet is the responsibility of their parents. I know that this is not a very popular idea with the "nanny state" mentality that is so prevalent today and which you also seem to espouse, but it really is common sense and the only arrangement that is fair to everyone. After all, why should I as an adult be forced to constantly limit my freedoms just because some parents are too lazy or too incompetent to fulfil their parental duties? We have too much nanny state intrusion into our lives already as it is.
If people let their children surf the internet unattended for hours and hours at a time, without even installing a content-control software, they have no right to complain if the children happen to view "inappropriate" material online.