LUDWIG'S ROHRSTOCK-PALAST

Spanking Porn: Anachronism

2012-01-27T22:31:00.000+01:00

After three editions (On Compartmentalization, Where Are You?, That's Too Sexy?), my little series about spanking porn was supposed to be over. But doclash raised another interesting aspect in one of his recent comments which I would like to share with you.

In his comment doclash wrote: If I may now introduce another topic regarding a matter which I can find distracting (and detracting) in film scenes – anachronism. I find props which simply do not fit the period to be irritating. For example, pieces of 1960s to 1990s electronic equipment in scenes set in the early 1940s, one of the best examples being miniaturised electric shock torture devices which would simply not be possible with the electronics of the time. Also, to be believable, school scenes really need to be set in the 1950s, 1960s or earlier. That means no computers, no modern wall or desk phones, no cordless phones, certainly no mobile phones and no modern studded BDSM spanking paddles and similar. Also, the dramatis personae and terminology need to be appropriate for the time, i.e. female teachers would not wear trousers, pupils would not be called students and would not wear jeans, staff would address each other formally, not by first names, male staff (except possibly art teachers) would have short hair and be clean shaven (or have a neat moustache or short, neat beard at most), male pupils would also have short haircuts (sorry Pandora!) and female pupils would not sport modern tattoos or body piercings. Does anyone else have views on the issue of anachronism?

Donpascual picked up the topic and wrote: Anachronism is a point well worth discussing. I think, it is largely a problem of tight budgets. Producers grind out videos at top speed and minimal costs, to hell with quality and such things as timelines, historical correctness, and appropriate props. The only producer I know, who is careful to get every detail just right, down to the enema jar, is Lupus of course. Perhaps, they also profited from the late entry into the modern western world. They simply have all the old props, which we have thrown away decades ago. It's also the love to detail of true film makers which these Czech kinksters have in abundance. Niki Flynn wrote about it in her book "Dancing with Wolves".

I thought about doclash's and Donpascual's comments and my reactions concerning anachronism in spanking porn. Then I wrote the following replies. To doclash: I guess there are many people who prefer scenarios to be as historically correct as possible. Maybe I'm a bit lucky here, in that I am not so much interested in history to know exactly how historically appropriate clothes etc. looked like, so small mistakes don't bother me that easily. And I can live quite well with fictional scenarios, for example a British school that still practises CP today. I have to admit that I'm often not too comfortable with historical scenarios, anyway, because they can be "too real" for my taste. But I can relate to your observation that props which don't fit can be irritating. For example, in the "Dojo Discipline" series of Spanking Central, the Japanese word "sensei" is used to address the trainer/teacher, but there is a Korean flag hanging on the wall. I already found that a bit irritating, though it didn't keep me from enjoying the scene. And to Donpascual: I think you are right about tight budgets. Even Lupus seem to invest less time and money per video nowadays...

I think doclash and Donpascual have raised an interesting topic! That's why I would like to pass it on to our readers, and hear about your thoughts and opinions about anachronism. Is it important for you that the props fit the period of a spanking film? Do anachronisms in spanking porn tend to irritate you? Is there a difference depending on how familiar you are with a certain period and / or scenario? How about private play? If you have any thoughts on the topic, you are warmly invited to share them in a comment!

(Picture courtesy of Her First Punishment. The video is called "Birching of Serf Girls". Note that serfdom was abolished in Russia in 1861. Also note the guy's Adidas trousers!)

Fourth Blogiversary

2012-01-25T01:34:00.000+01:00

Right after celebrating 100 posts written by Kaelah, we come to another milestone: the fourth blogiversary of Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast. I launched this blog on the 25th of January 2008. "Oh my, time sure flies!" and "I can't believe it has been that long!" are terrible clichés to use, but for fear of sounding hackneyed, that is exactly how I feel once again on this day.

I suppose that "Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast" is becoming a somewhat inappropriate name for the blog, though. For the past two and a half years, more than half the blog's lifetime, Kaelah has been my faithful co-author. And she has been much more active than me recently. However, "Ludwig and Kaelah's Rohrstock-Palast" is overlong and awkward, so that is not really an option. We could just use "Rohrstock-Palast", but that would probably be too cruel on our mostly English-speaking readership, even for my sadistic tastes. So, I guess we will just keep the current name. After all, I was here first, and I am the top.

We have some interesting stuff coming up for the next year of blogging. Some more behind-the-scenes reports, some videos that are long overdue for editing and publication, some philosophical ramblings which will hopefully lead to lively discussions. I plan on resuming my movie reviews and website reviews after a long hiatus. I also plan on doing some new and different things when I get back to regular writing again, perhaps a bit of a depature from the style I am known for. But let's not talk about unlaid eggs - you will see it when, and if, I get there.

In the meantime, I would just like to thank you all for your interest in my (now Kaelah's and my) blog, for your comments and emails, and for making it all worthwhile.

100 Strokes Posts

2012-01-20T16:04:00.000+01:00

A few weeks later than my fellow blogger Indy, I have finally reached the mark of 100 blog posts. It took me about 2 ½ years to get here. And what a journey it has been so far!

It all started back in August 2009 with my introductory post. At first, I only wrote a single guest post every month under the label Kaelah's Corner. And while I am posting more regularly today, Kaelah's Corner remains a monthly special feature which mostly contains personal thoughts on the subject of spanking, accounts on private exploits and long-winded philosophical ramblings. With 30 editions Kaelah's Corner is the second-frequent label under which I have posted, outreached only by posts about Private Exploits (31) and followed with some distance by Philosophical Ramblings (12) and Perverted Fantasies (11).

No matter what the topic of my writing is, what I have enjoyed the most is the communication with our readers. Writing without any feedback can be rather boring, so I would like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have taken the time to write a comment! Of course I know that not everyone feels comfortable with commenting, though, and I am very happy as well about those of you who come by and read, but prefer to remain silent. Thank you for being here and I hope you enjoy reading! Blogger counted about 600,000 clicks in the last year, which is a very cool number. Many people of course come to read Ludwig's movie reviews and website reviews, but there seem to be a lot of readers who are interested in our other writing and our private exploits as well.

What were the most special experiences and posts which I have made so far? Well, for me everything that is about my relationship with Ludwig and our private exploits is of course very special and dear to my heart. In terms of unusual posts and experiences what comes to my mind are first and foremost the three free videos clips which we have published so far: My first video called Kaelah's Introduction (Or: Enter the Dachshund), the science-fiction clip A Diplomatic Mission (Or: Dachshunds in Space) and finally 48: The Spanko's Answer to Everything. Then there were a few photo posts, with pictures which Ludwig and I had shot either indoors or even outdoors. And there was my one-time excursion into fictional writing which resulted in the story „The Reunion“ part one and part two, the distinctive feature about it being the strange words given to me by our readers which I had to use somewhere in the story.

Furthermore, I had the great opportunity to exchange thought-provoking e-mails with some of our readers, to meet several of our fellow bloggers, be it in the UK or in Las Vegas, and to create art with fellow kinky-minded spirits, as a top as well as a bottom. And I had the chance to take a look behind the scenes of a spanking video shoot, one time as a mere observer when Ludwig topped for Lupus, one time as a guest model for Dreams Of Spanking and one time behind and in front of the camera for our friends of the SM Circus Sands, an opportunity I'm going to write about in the upcoming weeks.

What will the future bring? I can't tell you for sure, but I think there will definitely be more ramblings, discussions and tales of private exploits. The Rohrstock-Palast is always going to be first and foremost a text and discussions and not a photo blog. And I guess you might hear more about my developments in the topping department and about my M/M fantasies in the future because this is something I would like to talk about more. In addition to that, I have a new regular feature in mind which I am going to introduce soon. Of course there are also some more pictures and free videos which are still to be published. And maybe there will be the one or other excursion behind the scenes of spanking video shoots as well?!

Whatever the future will bring, I hope you are going to like it and maybe derive some inspiration from it for your own thoughts about TTWD, your kinky fantasies and play. Thanks a lot for having accompanied me on my journey so far – and here's to the next 100 ~~strokes~~, ahem posts!

Kinky Hotel: The Bedroom

2012-01-17T12:56:00.000+01:00

This is the third and final part of the Kinky Hotel series (here are part one and part two), and my personal favourite. In my opinion there is nothing better than a beautiful, old-style bedroom which inspires kinky fantasies. A bed allows for a variety of beautiful positions.

First there are the positions your partner can put you into in anticipation of a spanking. Like in the picture above. Or kneeling on the bed with your hands being tied to the ceiling.

And there are of course positions which are very suitable for the spanking itself. Just like this one. The bottom beautifully raised by a cushion, awaiting the things to come.

Or standing in front of the bed, the upper body resting on the sheets, arms stretched out and tied together in front of you.

And if you have the feeling that your partner is a still bit shy, an encouraging look might work wonders. As well as being looked upon lovingly from above can make you blush and heighten your own anticipation.

If everything works as planned, you might end up like this, with a red, warm and tingling bottom. Heated by his soft and yet forceful hands.

Afterwards it is time for letting him embrace you under the duvet and savouring the moments of being cuddled in his loving arms...

On Communication

2012-01-14T08:55:00.002+01:00

Some days ago I got my login for Dreams Of Spanking and for the first time watched several of Pandora's videos in their full length. Among them was The Taxman Cometh. I have to admit that I was a bit scared of watching that clip because I remembered that the dialogue at the beginning of the scenario was quite long and that managing it in English was a challenge for me. Communication is a very important part for me in spanking clips and I wasn't sure whether my improvised part of the dialogue and the subsequent scolding during the spanking had been fluent and convincing enough. I'm always slightly uncomfortable with my German accent as well and afraid that native speakers could find it annoying.

Fred Bloggs had written a review of Dreams Of Spanking some days earlier, though, and explicitly mentioned that he liked both "The Taxman Cometh" and my accent. So, I decided to give it a try. And, surprisingly, I really liked the clip! Sure, there were a few small pauses because I was looking for the appropriate words, and there was the one or other small grammatical mistake. But I neither found the dialogue boring nor unrealistic, and I found my character believable as well.

To my great relief, it was also obvious that I gave everything during the spanking and didn't merely dish out love taps. Admittedly, the video isn't really severe, but it is absolutely real in that I used my hand and the hairbrush to their full effect. It is that kind of realism that I like in spanking clips. In short, I was very happy after having watched the video!

All I have to learn now is to feel less uncomfortable when speaking English. That would surely make the dialogue even more natural and me looking more relaxed. But talking in front of a camera isn't the only field in which I could improve my communication skills! As I watched several other Dreams Of Spanking videos, I came across a very special one that really touched me and showed me how much I have still to learn when it comes to communication during an erotic spanking with my mate.

The video I'm talking about is called "A Yuletide Birching" and features Pandora and Thomas Cameron. There is no storyline, no set, no costumes, not even a special premise for the spanking – the scenario is raw in the best sense of the word. Just a loving couple, a birch that was given to Pandora as a gift by a friend, a bedroom and an intense birching to try out the new implement.

As I wrote in my post Spanking Porn: That's Too Sexy? I'm not always into full nudity in spanking videos. In this clip Pandora is completely naked and it absolutely fits from my point of view because the video depicts an intimate spanking between lovers. The birching is rather severe, right to the point I love.

What attracts me is that while Tom is clearly challenging Pandora and taking her to her limit, his aim is not to break but to empower her. He doesn't go easy on Pandora, but at the same time he carries her through the experience with his voice, gazes and reassuring touch, and he always makes sure that she has enough time to process the pain without starting to panic. And all that is only possible because Pandora constantly stays in contact with him and gives him verbal and non-verbal feedback on her physical and psychological state.

For me as a viewer the communication between the two isn't in any way disruptive. Quite the contrary, it makes the scene very special and gives me the feeling that Pandora and Tom let the viewers in on something very intimate and beautiful. It seems that in several aspects of our spanking kink, Pandora and I are ticking quite similarly, anyway. But I think it's the combination of those similarities and the fascinating communication between her and Tom which allows me to feel with and very close to Pandora when I watch this scene.

I would like to give you an example: After stroke number 15, a particular hard one that you see in the preview clip which I have embedded, Tom tells Pandora that it's nine more to go. Pandora, obviously being at her limit, replies honestly: "I don't know quite how that's going to work." Tom's simple and reassuring answer: "I think, slowly..." Now, that sentence could of course also be interpreted as a kind of mockery, but Tom's tone of voice makes the message absolutely clear: You can and you are going to make it. Don't push yourself too hard. I am going to make sure that you get the time you need to go through it.

Pandora is still fighting with processing the pain at that point and remarks: "I think I'm crying." Tom reassures her: "That's okay." And he continues telling her that something would be wrong if she didn't cry during such a hard birching. Again it is absolutely clear that what he says is meant as a reassurance that Pandora doesn't have to feel in any way weak for crying and that she is indeed very brave given the severity of the spanking. As the regular readers might know, I'm neither into crying when I'm on the receiving end of a spanking (except for rare occasions on which I seek release), nor am I very fond of tears in spanking videos. But in this scenario, with the great and caring communication between the two participants, I'm being put at ease.

The particular dialogue is not in the preview clip, but I think it shows what I have been talking about, nonetheless. Have a look and make up your own opinion:

When I compare my communication skills as a bottom to Pandora's, I realise how much I still have to learn. My communication has already become better, in the sense that I now for example give feedback if an implement is wrapping around too much or if I realise that my pain threshold on a particular day is rather low. I also at least sometimes show stronger reactions when I'm struggling with a spanking. But I'm still far from Pandora's communication skills.

Especially when a spanking gets more severe, I often find myself completely focussed on processing the pain and being brave. That keeps me from staying in communicative contact with Ludwig and giving him clear signals. I guess that I'm also still not really comfortable with openly admitting when I'm reaching my personal limit for the day, because that instantly makes me feel like a wimp, even though I know Ludwig would never see me as one.

It is not that I don't trust Ludwig enough in order to let go. For example, I can cry in his arms when I am sad about something, or stressed out. But when it comes to spanking, I usually seek empowerment. And if I don't manage to live up to my own expectations then, I'm silently starting to panic, my mind turns blank and my communication skills leave me.

Maybe I can learn to signal early on when I need more time to process the pain, though. Because like Pandora, I don't necessarily need leniency concerning the severity of the strokes. It's the breaks in between them that can prevent me from panicking and allow me to gain that feeling of strength I'm looking for. It seems that I'm not looking as stiff as I thought when topping in English. Maybe I won't look as wimpish as I think when communicating more openly as a bottom, either?

How about your experiences on the topic of communication during a spanking, be it as a bottom or as a top? Have your communication skills changed and developed over time? Do you communicate differently depending on the scenario, play partner, your mood or other aspects? What form of communication do you seek during a spanking?

A Hairbrush With Holes

2012-01-10T18:05:00.000+01:00

When I went to the supermarket a while ago, I suddenly came across a fascinating little, pervertible item. I had heard about wooden paddles with holes, but never about wooden hairbrushes with such a special feature! Curiously I picked up one of the packages and was surprised by the light weight.

Ludwig and I aren't into hairbrushes too much , at least not wooden ones, but having one or two just in case seemed like a good idea to me, nonetheless. And this one was definitely special! I inspected the brush as well as possible given that it was in a closed package. Was is suitable for a spanking? The holes made me a bit suspicious that the brush might break more easily when used with vigour, but actually it looked quite sturdy despite of its light weight.

I finally decided to buy one and studied the brushes one by one in order to find the most beautiful specimen. The bristles didn't give the impression that the brushes were very useful on the hair but I didn't have any intention to use them for combing, anyway, so I didn't care. Instead I concentrated on the surface of the backside. I don't know whether anyone watched me but I guess it must have been a rather strange sight.

In the end, I found one that met my expectations and went off to the cashier. Happily I brought my prey home, unpacked it and inspected it further. It lay well in the hand and seemed to be very suitable for spanking purposes indeed. I wondered whether the marks from it would be in any way different from those produced by other wooden brushes because of the holes. Would it be more stingy because of the light weight and the lesser air resistance?

Unfortunately Ludwig wasn't there to try it on me. But I was too curious to wait for our next reunification and so I decided to experiment a little with the brush myself. Boy, that mean little beast really packs a sting! It actually felt quite nice when used medium hard but I can't say that I have much intention to find out how it feels when applied with vigour. However, it produces a very nice red shade, even when not used full force. I took a picture of the result for you, so that you can get a first impression.

Does anyone else own a wooden hairbrush with holes? And has anyone ever compared it to a “regular” one? I'm not sure how often Ludwig and I are going to use that special hairbrush. But I have to admit I like that little item for its unusualness.

Spanking Porn: That's Too Sexy?

2012-01-07T21:06:00.002+01:00

(Picture courtesy of Lupus Pictures)

This is the third and final part of my little series about spanking porn related topics (the first two were Spanking Porn: On Compartmentalization and Spanking Porn: Where Are You?). Today I would like to talk about another aspect concerning which Ludwig and I have quite similar points of view, with small differences though. It's a topic which was interestingly just recently also raised by Emma Bishop in the discussion on my last Kaelah's Corner post A Past And Future Secret. The question I would like to talk about is: How much sex should be involved in spanking films?

Ludwig and I are both purists when it comes to spanking porn. We both generally prefer formal scenarios and we don't want those to be mixed up with sexual activities. The teacher fondling a schoolgirl or -boy he or she is punishing, for example. Or the prison ward sexually harassing an inmate after punishment. For me, even things like squeezing the spankee's bottom during a hand spanking can be a turn-off in a formal scene.

I think I am slightly more open than Ludwig for explicitly sexual scenarios, though, which depict couples in their spanking play. In that kind of scene an erotic atmosphere is perfectly okay for me. The same goes for Ludwig I think. But I can even imagine watching such a kind of film that depicts real sexual acts as well. It's definitely not one of my core fantasies, but I wouldn't be opposed to giving it a try. Ludwig prefers either spanking or vanilla sex in a porn video, he doesn't really like a mixture of the two.

What about nudity and private parts? Again, Ludwig and I have rather similar preferences here. We both are not interested in any close-ups of boobs and private parts, or open leg shots. Since he is much better when it comes to compartmentalization, Ludwig can ignore such things in an otherwise good scene, though. I have to admit that it irritates me when in a school scenario the camera suddenly zooms in from an angle which is so low that it ends up focused between the legs of the spankee, rather than on the bottom.

And there is another little difference between Ludwig and me. I usually prefer semi-clothed scenarios to full nudity. Ludwig on the other hand is a fan of full nudity, no matter whether the spankee is male or female. He is of the opinion that a completely naked body arranged in an elegant position (which doesn't focus on the private bits) is a very aesthetic sight. In Ludwig's point of view, men sometimes look stranger and more ridiculous with their trousers pulled down than fully naked. And he also appreciates all parts of the female body, not as the only focus (the lower private parts can even be hidden by a spanking bench), but as a part of the whole composition. Since Ludwig is into judicial scenarios, full nudity can believably be integrated into those scenes without adding too much of an erotic atmosphere between spanker and spankee.

There are several reasons why I am a bit more shy about full nudity. First of all, as I already told you a while ago, any form of humiliation in a formal scenario is a big turn-off for me. And often the only plausible explanation for full nudity, for example in judicial scenarios, is humiliation. A bare bottom can still be explained by necessity (clothes would provide too much protection), but full nudity often seems only to be explainable as an act of humiliation. Ludwig has a different view here, as I wrote above: especially when it comes to men, he often finds partial nudity to look more ridiculous than complete nakedness.

(Picture courtesy of Spanking Central)

I have to admit that I often find partial nudity, or sometimes even fully clothed spankings, more erotic than nude ones. If only the spankee's bottom is bare, the attention is completely focussed on the spanking. And even a fully clothed spanking can be highly erotic to me because it underlines the formality of the scene and the focus is more on the reactions of the spankee. Plus, in my view, people in beautiful dresses can even look more sexy than nude people. The picture which I've chosen from Spanking Central is such an example. It's taken from a clip of their series "Dojo Discipline". To me, the posture of the spankee is great and the martial arts suit looks adorable. Of course, clothed spankings don't allow the viewer to see the marks developing, though. That's why I wouldn't want to see them all the time and why I prefer to get at least a glimpse of the resulting marks afterwards.

I'm not generally opposed to nudity in spanking clips, anyway, because it can of course be sexy as well and it creates more variety. For example, there is an interesting scenario in the film The Headmaster's Study: Immodesty by Lupus, a picture of which is featured at the beginning of this post. In one scene of the film, two young offenders who are brought before the headmaster insist on being stripped naked for their canings, pretending that this is how their fathers punish them. In truth they just want to seduce the headmaster whom they fancy. There isn't any intimacy going on otherwise, so the canings themselves remain formal. I like the idea because it is creative, explaining in a whimsical way why there is full nudity in a school setting. It also takes away the aspect of humiliation. Erotic spankings are another category where full nudity fits well in my opinion. I've recently come across an amazing scene on Pandora's site Dreams Of Spanking about which I'm going to write a post, soon. And nowadays, I can even watch unfair or humiliating scenes involving complete nakedness if I know that the spankee is into such things.

I guess the right mixture is an important aspect for me, though. What I'm feeling uncomfortable with are producers where every single scene includes full frontal nudity. That's true especially for some x/F film producers. Even if there are no close-ups of genitals, it gives me the feeling that it's actually the naked bodies of the women and their private parts which are at least as much the focus of the film as the spankings. Of course there is nothing morally wrong with that, but I'm talking about my own preferences and gut feeling here.

When I watch films that focus extremely on the aspect of (frontal) nudity, the most extreme key phrase that sometimes comes to my mind is "thrashed eye-candy". And since I'm watching films at least partly from a bottom perspective, I can hardly eroticise that. Some F/M clips even provoke worse emotions, the key phrase here is "eye-candy dominatrix bashes naked male sandbag". But this leads to another topic about which I'm going to talk in a separate post.

For now, I would like to hear your opinion! How sexy do you want spanking porn scenarios to be? How much nudity are you looking for? Does it depend on the scenario? Do you seek variety? Or are there conditions which must be fulfilled at all times?

The Kinkster Beneath Me

2012-01-03T20:55:00.000+01:00

A Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful New Year's Eve and a smooth start into 2012. As you all know, I love the communication with and between our readers. My hope for 2012 is that there will be even more commenters and more exchange of thoughts than there was last year on this blog. And it's up to you to give it a good start!

That's why I would like to start the new year with something unusual: a game! It's called "The Person Beneath Me", or, as I would like to call it here, "The Kinkster Beneath Me", and I came across it on the German spanking forum Spankingträume. The rules are very simple. You must make three assumptions about the person beneath you (the next commenter), about what he or she likes / doesn't like, does / doesn't do, has experienced / hasn't experienced and so on. Important is that the assumptions can be answered with yes or no, plus maybe an additional little sentence.

Since this is a spanking blog, I suggest that two assumptions are spanking-related and one random. The next commenter must then answer the three questions with yes or no and write down three new assumptions for the next commenter. I hope you come up with imaginative assumptions that animate others to take part and don't scare them away.

I have no idea whether anyone is going to like this, but I would like to give it a try. So, here it goes, my three assumptions for the first commenter:

The kinkster beneath me:

1. has a favourite spanking scene from a vanilla book? If yes, which book and which scene?

2. likes canes?

3. is a trekkie? If yes, which generation(s), Kirk and Co or a newer one?

I hope someone likes to play along! Who knows, maybe the game is going to reveal many amazing things about our readers. Anyway, I hope it is going to be a light-hearted, amusing start into the new year. Have fun!

Kaelah's Corner (Dec 2011): A Past And Future Secret

2011-12-31T17:46:00.001+01:00

2011 is coming to an end, and I would like to conclude the year with a few thoughts about the future. Not about the immediate future, though, but about the long run.

In a discussion with Rainer from the German Spanking Forum Spankingfreunde, the topics of how much to reveal about oneself in the online spanking community and data protection came up. I told Rainer that I am not willing to share information like the city I live in, its postal code or my date of birth online, even in the protected environment of a spanking forum. Rainer was surprised and asked me whether I wasn't committed to what I am doing here. I'm showing my face, so why not tell my date of birth?

My answer is that my caution hasn't got anything to do with not being committed to what I am doing here. But information about my postal code and my date of birth in combination with the other information which I have shared about myself here would make it easy to find my real name. And once my real name is connected to Kaelah online, every neighbour, workmate and prospective new boss can find out everything about my most intimate desires by simply googling my name.

Now, first of all, I only want to share these things with people like me, who are interested in erotic kink. Secondly, I'm taking a big risk by sharing pictures and clips. The knowledge that one's employee has visited a forum about this or that fetish might not be such a big thing for a boss in most cases. If I were merely one more forum visitor, I probably wouldn't want that to be found out by accident, either, but the prospect wouldn't scare me too much. But making porn (even if there is no vanilla sex involved), that is something completely different for many people!

Even people who are “just” outed as being kinky are often confronted with stupid assumptions like being a potential rapist, as we could see once again this year, or a danger to children. I also have been told the story of a photographer who made aesthetic erotic pictures (not even kinky ones, as far as I know) in his leisure time and suddenly had problems with getting professional jobs because of it. So, what about a couple who are kinky AND have published erotic pictures and spanking clips? I have to admit that I don't think our society is open-minded enough to deal with that.

Friends have warned me that there might soon be new ways of tracing down people online and revealing the real identities behind nicknames and photos. I have to be aware of the risk that one day, it might be quite easy for someone who, for example, gets an application form to search the internet for activities of that person, no matter whether a nickname was used or not. Even if Ludwig and I then decided to shut down our blog, there is no way of deleting all the online pieces of writing, comments, pictures and clips, especially since some of them have been made with professional producers.

So, sometimes when I think about Ludwig's and my future, fears come up. I see us outed and harm being brought to our family members and friends. There are pictures in my mind of us not being able to pay our bills because no one wants to give us a job anymore. I imagine youth welfare officers knocking on our door because some neighbour has called them in order to check whether our children are taken good care of. And I see me asking myself whether the fun of blogging and publishing pictures and clips was worth taking the risk of such an awful aftermath.

But even when I think about being outed, there is a part of me that imagines how I will use that situation to convince others that being kinky is nothing bad or dangerous. I see Ludwig and me holding our heads up high, not willing to be ashamed of anything we have done, and finally succeeding by proving that it's the prejudices against kink that are dangerous and wrong, not the kink itself.

I don't know what the future will bring. I'm not sure how long Ludwig and I will go on blogging or being a part of the online spanking community at all. I can't say for sure how I will evaluate our adventure as spanking bloggers in ten years' time. And I have no idea how the possible aftermath of all this might look like.

What I know, though, is this: I have met the man of my life through this blog and his clip-making activities. Writing, getting a positive feedback and kicking of discussions with my posts is something I enjoy tremendously. Taking creative erotic pictures and publishing them makes me feel womanly, sexy and happy. Publishing a clip gives me a wonderful thrill. And sometimes the greatest thing of all happens: I get a nice comment or email from someone who tells me that our writing has inspired him or her.

I've made a decision. I enjoy what I am doing. Sometimes I'm scared. But I'll deal with the aftermath my choice will bring. And I definitely won't ever regret not having taken the plunge. 2012 will be another exciting year on my journey and as a kinky blogger. I hope to see you all again then. Have a wonderful New Year's Eve and may 2012 bring you happiness and lots of kinky fun!

And if you like to share some thoughts about your own kinky future, I'll be happy to read about it. What are your fears? What are your hopes? Which risks are you willing to take?

Severity: Fantasy vs Reality

2011-12-28T16:53:00.000+01:00

Ludwig and I aren't very big on role-playing in our private kink, but we want to try a few things in the future. With that plan comes an important question, though, which I would like to discuss with you today: How intense must / should / can a spanking be which is supposed to allow the spankee to enjoy the kinky role-play situation in which the spanking is embedded?

The reason for me to ask this question is this: I realised during past experiences that I don't seem to be able to mentally keep up a hot kinky fantasy when I'm really struggling to go through a spanking. With a gradual build-up and the chance to catch my breath in between the strokes it is okay, even if the spanking is challenging.

If it gets too hard, though, I get into some kind of “heroine / survival” mode. Which means there is no energy left to keep up any erotic fantasy and all that remains is me, the pain and the feeling that I have to be as brave as possible, which prevents me from letting go in that situation.

Love taps, on the other hand, don't work for me, either. If a spanking barely hurts at all, it is hard for me to pretend it does. It seems like I need a certain amount of pain to trigger my fantasies, especially if those fantasies are centred around a formal, non-sexual spanking scenario.

As the more regular readers of this blog know, I'm not into surviving a thrashing just to feel empowered afterwards. Feeling completely miserable during a spanking doesn't do it for me, even if the fantasy I'm playing out is one in which the spankee is punished.

In order to be hot and to give me a chance to let go, it seems to me that a real spanking in a role-play scenario must be challenging but still more bearable than its fantasy equivalent. One could say that the spanking has to be real but not too real... It seems that there must be a kind of ambiguity which allows me to keep up the fantasy that the spanking is real, but at the same time allows me to inhabit the hot fantasies which come along with it.

I think that this is a very hard job for a top! That's why I would like to ask our readers whether anyone has made similar experiences. How does role-playing work for you? Does the severity of a real spanking have to match the severity of your fantasy or does there have to be a difference between the two in order to make the real scenario work for you? And to the tops: How are your experiences with making a role-play scenario work? If you have any thoughts on the topic, I'll be glad to hear them!

A Christmas Caning

2011-12-24T16:52:00.002+01:00

In Germany, the Christmas festivities already start in the afternoon of the 24th. Ludwig and I are using the holidays to relax and share time with our families. Yesterday was a rather kinky day for us, though.

First, I read some Christmas related posts on other kinky blogs and watched Erica Scott's free Christmas video clip which was very funny. Then our own Christmas present, the LOL-Day clip titled 48 was crossed. I had a nice email-exchange with Stan/E. from Au Fil Des Jours and realised a short time later that he had written a post about our conversation and linked to the clip as well. Finally, Pandora Blake's new site Dreams Of Spanking was launched and with it my first clip as a top.

In the evening it was play time. Ludwig and I participated in Abel's "Spankvent" calendar. It was inspired by the German advent calendar tradition and many different people from all over the world took part. Ludwig and I had claimed the 23rd as our day, and so we were up for a spanking that somehow included the number 23.

We hadn't made any conctrete plans, though, and decided to come up with an idea spontaneously. We hadn't even made up who was going to be on the receiving and who on the administering end. I was in a rather toppy mood at first, but Ludwig made it clear that I wouldn't get my hands on him that evening. He already has at least two scenes on the receiving end to come, which is more than enough from his point of view...

So, I would be the one to take the spanking this time. We started with back massages, though, because both of us needed some relaxation. Then Ludwig gave me a joyful and crisp hand spanking on my bottom and upper thighs which made me wriggle and moan. Leia-Ann Woods has recently written a very interesting post about pain thresholds. I assume it was due to my tiredness that mine was a bit low yesterday. Which meant more vivid reactions and more joy for Ludwig.

I didn't give in without a fight, though, and tried to get some revenge by tickling him. Soon we were in the midst of a wrestling fight which I was of course bound to lose. But at least I managed to take Ludwig's head into a leg scissors for a moment and used his surprise to tickle him and make him wriggle.

Ludwig finally decided that he was in a gracious mood and that he would give me 23 strokes with our "nice" flogger. He told me to touch my toes for them, though, because I had mocked him about being more flexible than him during our fight. I did as I was told and received 23 full force strokes with the flogger. While this particular specimen is much nicer than the rubber one we have, it has a good sting nonetheless when applied with vigour. I duly counted the strokes and managed to go through the flogging without making a fuss or breaking position.

Ludwig looked at my bottom after the strokes and told me that there wasn't much marking, except on my right hip where the tips of the flogger had landed. Our initial plan had been to take a picture for our readers, but there wouldn't be much too see so far. I didn't hesitate long, went to the toy bag and brought Ludwig an unpeeled short cane. He gave me a questioning look. "You can give me another 23 with that cane OTK", I explained. And added: "They don't have to be too hard, you know?"

So over his knee I went. And five strokes later I deeply regretted my idea! The strokes weren't too hard, but Ludwig has a deadly wrist-flick and that nasty little cane stings like hell. I told Ludwig that this obviously hadn't been a good idea. Not surprisingly his point of view was different. Dutifully he applied stripe after stripe pushing down my neck with his left hand while I was counting, wriggling and moaning.

When he even speeded up the spanking towards the end, I nearly didn't have any time left to catch my breath. My whole body was getting hotter by the second and I started to sweat. Then the last stroke fell, which was of course the hardest. Funnily, it was almost easier for me to take than the previous lighter ones, as I had already experienced earlier.

I lay over Ludwig's lap gasping for breath and trying to recover. Tears swelled in my eyes from the struggle and the subsequent relaxation. Ludwig stroked my back and told me that I didn't have to worry, that my reactions had still been very restrained. He gave me a few light smacks with his hand and I duly started counting them before asking him whether I actually had to. Ludwig told me that I didn't have to count and that I could get up. This time there were lovely marks on my bottom which could be captured on photo.

So our Spankvent evening ended with a little photo session. The light wasn't great, but Ludwig managed to take the nice picture above nonetheless. With that we wish you all a happy and peaceful festive season and those who celebrate it a Merry Christmas!

48: The Spanko's Answer to Everything

2011-12-21T00:39:00.002+01:00

When the computer Deep Thought was asked for the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, its solution after a long time of mathematical processing was 42. When I asked for the Answer to the Ultimate Question about the Visitors of Ludwig's Rohrstockpalast on the Global Day of Delurk 2011, the answer I got was slightly different: 48. That does make sense, though, because kinksters love to add six of the best!

Thanks to everyone who commented on Love Our Lurkers Day. With your kind help, we created the little clip that you can download for free below. No complex storyline or costumes this time, but lots of action. And the time we saved for writing a story and buying customes went into new experiments with lighting, the ultimate quest for good camera angles and the post-production.

So, we hope that our early little Christmas present this year allows you to take a little timeout from all the stressful preparations for the festive season. Enjoy! And if you like and can spare the time, take a minute or two afterwards and say hi.

To download the clip, just click on one of the two links below to open the page where you can start the download. Wait for the timer to run out and then click the “Standard-Download” button on the right. Save the clip to you computer and open it with a media viewer of your choice. Attention: The high-quality version is over 300 MB big, so if you have a slow internet connection, it might be better to download the low quality version.

High-quality .wmv, resolution 720 x 576, 321 MB:
Rapidshare link high-quality

Low-quality .wmv, resolution 360 x 288, 183 MB:
Rapidshare link low-quality

Subject: Humiliation

2011-12-17T18:17:00.000+01:00

Last month, Leia-Ann Woods published a very thought-provoking post about the topic of humiliation. Leia-Ann enjoys various forms of humiliation in her kinky play, and she asked herself and her readers why certain activities are considered to be humiliating. Her theory was that the concept of humiliation is linked to social conditioning.

Leia-Ann illustrated her theory in the context of four different forms of humiliation which she finds hot in kinky play: exposure of flesh, public humiliation, sexual acts and positions for punishment. From Leia-Ann's point of view all these things feel humiliating for her because they are contrary to her social conditioning, the code of behaviour she has been raised with. Formulas like: Don't expose yourself (and especially not your intimate parts) in front of others! Or: Don't do anything sexual in front of others! And: Don't participate in any strange sexual practises (like anal sex)!

Leia-Ann's post made me think a lot about my own concept of kinky humiliation and why certain aspects work for me and others don't. I started writing a comment on her post, but it became so long that I decided to publish a whole post about the subject instead. Since I only enjoy humiliation in a very specific context and only with Ludwig, my question goes a bit further than Leia-Ann's original one.

I asked myself: Which things do I find humiliating? Under which circumstances do I find these things humiliating in a sexy, kinky way and under which circumstances do they feel humiliating in an abhorrent, wrong way? And finally: Are there any links to my social conditioning and past experiences?

Although Leia-Ann's fantasies are often very different from mine, I'm definitely with her about positions and different levels of nudity. I find both aspects humiliating in a very hot way! For me, these fantasies are very closely connected to very intimate and explicitly sexual scenes, though, and that is something I only share with my partner Ludwig. In non-sexual scenes, similar acts can be a complete turn-off.

The point is, I guess, that in non-sexual scenes, acts of humiliation often don't have any sexy association for me. Instead, they remind me of real, non-consensual forms of humiliation and my real fears of being humiliated in front of others. That's why even acts which are considered to be only mildly humiliating by many people, like standing bare-bottomed in the corner, can make me feel very uncomfortable (and not in a sexy way). Especially if they happen in front of others, which in my opinion has to do with negative experiences with peer groups which I have made in the past.

The special conditions of very intimate scenes on the other hand allow me to find seemingly strongly humiliating acts hot and sexy. I think two important aspects cause that positive thrill:

First, in order to be hot, the humiliation must concern an aspect I have a positive relationship with. That is definitely true for my sexuality. It wouldn't be true for example for my physical fitness, which is why stress positions don't work for me.

Secondly, there must be a certain form of ambiguity, meaning that a part of me enjoys the act because it fits my fantasies. The activities that are the hottest for me are those which underline my sexuality and point out upcoming spankings or explicitly sexual activities. And these are definitely things I enjoy and am looking forward to! Certain positions or forms of exposure heighten the anticipation of these upcoming events. A second important form of ambiguity concerns the top: While Ludwig might do humiliating things in a scene, I know that he doesn't really want to humiliate me in the sense of making me feel bad. He definitely enjoys challenging me, though, and he loves to fulfil my fantasies as well.

In my opinion, my social conditioning plays an important role in causing that hot feeling of ambiguity: I have never been taught that either nudity or sexuality are in any way bad or wrong. Had I been raised in a prude, anti-carnal way, I might not be able to enjoy sexual kinky play at all. But at the same time I have learned that I am the one who decides about intimate aspects of my body and about my sexuality. And I have been taught to only share intimacy with someone I love and trust. Plus, being self-dependent is very important for me.

So, giving my mate control over my body in our sexual play causes a very special thrill. I give something away to him which is very precious to me and which I wouldn't give to anyone else. But I do it in the trust that he would never hurt me and that he is going to make me feel sexy, womanly and loved instead. That special combination doesn't only feel edgy, at the same time it causes a strong and wonderful erotic thrill and leads me to hot and amazing places.

How about you? Is there any form of humiliation which you find sexy? If yes, under which circumstances? Do you think that there is any connection to your social conditioning and to past experiences? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section!

At the Circus (Part 1): My First Visit

2011-12-14T23:54:00.002+01:00

(Petgirls Marlin, Jane and Gundula, from l. to r.,

waiting for some attention)

As Ludwig already announced in his Semi-Hiatus post, we went to a SM-Circus shoot in August with the lovely Pandora Blake. I've meant to write about it for a while, but Ludwig and I wanted to tell you about an earlier visit to the Circus first. Ludwig had planned to write that report himself, but since he didn't find the time, we finally decided that I'm going to write the complete trilogy.

The Circus anniversary party I'm going to write about today was a bit more special for me, anyway, because it was my first-ever visit to the Circus. The anniversary show took place back in 2010, on the fifth anniversary of the SM-Circus (or, as it is now officially called again, Circus Sands). Direktor Sands had invited many friends for the live show.

Ludwig had already been to the Circus two times, one time with Niki Flynn and Amelia-Jane Rutherford, and a second time with Pandora. I had met Direktor Sands and the SM-Circus crew after Pandora's first shoot and at the BoundCon in 2009, but I had never been to a shoot or one of their shows. So the anniversary show was my first live event at the Circus. The show was not just performed in front of the live audience, though, it was also immortalized on film.

(Marlin and Gundula engaged in a sponge fight.)

The stars of the day were the three petgirls Marlin, Jane and Gundula. They competed in different challenges, for example the sponge contest, limbo, blind searching, ponygirl training and even Russian Roulette! Herr Direktor Sands only shot a ballon, but I was still very happy to watch from the safe distance of the auditorium.

The nice thing about the Circus and its petplay shows is that the show is only partly planned in advance and lots of things happen spontaneously. The loveliest scene on that day, from my point of view, was such an unplanned stunt, performed by petgirl Jane. She had found a dog bone and was so fond of her new toy that she didn't want to give it back. Direktor Sands insisted on her giving back her toy because he wanted to start with the final feeding of the pets. Jane pretended not to know anything about a bone and hid it behind her back.

(Marlin doing the limbo.)

Direktor Sands's final threat: “If you don't give me the bone right now, you won't get fed today.” Without hesitating, petgirl Jane grabbed her toy, walked (or, better, crawled) past a stunned Direktor, climbed back into the cage and closed the door behind her. With a triumphant grin on her face and her toy in her paws she watched Marlin and Gundula being fed.

After the first part of the show there was a break in which a band called Kyoll performed live. Kyoll had also given the Circus a great gift, they composed and recorded music for the videos of the Circus. For their live performance, Kyoll was accompanied by a beautiful young dancer called Galatea.

Obviously one member of the band had been very impressed by the circus show and Direktor Sands's counting system for punishment strokes, because he suddenly shouted in the direction of Galatea: “Dance for us or you'll get sixty!” A risky idea given Galatea's enormous finger nails. She chased him for a moment, but he got away lightly... As you can imagine, Ludwig was very amused by that particular scene.

(Gundula chastised for one of many misdeeds.)

After the break, Marlin and Jane participated in an interrogation game, one after the other. They wrote a number on a piece of paper, the secret information they were supposed to protect. Then they entered a circle, subjected to Director Sands's interrogation methods. The game was over once they either left the circle or gave away their number. Director Sands tried various different torture methods on both of them: whips, tasers (gladly the big cattle prod wasn't used) and clamps. Both participants proved to be very tough and only gave in after a long time!

With the interrogation scenarios ended an interesting and funny event, my first live show at Circus Sands. Everyone gathered together for a bit of small talk afterwards. I very much liked the relaxed atmosphere at the Circus. At that time I had no idea that I would be back for a shoot less than one year later, though. And this time I would be involved in the action as well! You'll hear more about that in my next two Circus reports.

(Kyoll and dancer Galatea in action.)

Spanking Porn: Where Are You?

2011-12-10T23:59:00.001+01:00

Edouard Manet: Un bar aux Folies-Bergère

This is the second part of my mini series about spanking porn related topics. The first post was about compartmentalization, something Ludwig is much better at than I am. Today I would like to discuss an aspect which Ludwig and I seem to handle quite similarly.

It's the question where you picture yourself when watching spanking porn. Are you just an observer? Or are you part of the picture, like in Manet's “Un bar aux Folies-Bergère“ where, at least in one possible interpretation of the scene, the viewer appears as the male customer in the mirror? If you are part of the picture, where are you exactly?

Ludwig and I found out that we both watch spanking porn as mere observers. We don't become part of the scene and we don't mentally take the position of either of the participants. Even later, when we reuse parts of a film, we usually don't fantasize about re-enacting a scene with one of the participants. It's the scenario, the position, the dynamics between the characters or maybe the look of the marks we use as an inspiration for scenarios which we either fantasize about or play out together for real. The models usually aren't part of any re-enactments, even not of mental ones.

That doesn't mean that the actors and actresses aren't important, though. Sometimes, Ludwig and I can watch spanking films for the pure eye-candy factor. But we both prefer films that involve models who don't only offer a nice sight, but seem to be intelligent and interesting people as well. If we like a model, we want to know more about him or her. So, behind-the-scenes reports, interviews or blog-writing make models and their film scenes usually more sexy and interesting for us.

Sometimes we also start fantasizing about models. Usually not about re-enacting one of the film-scenes they have done or about playing with them in private, though. If we like the work of a certain model very much, we start developing ideas for film projects which we could make together, a creative collaboration that caters to the model's and our fantasies and which allows us to meet a model we like and get to know her or him in person.

So, this is where Ludwig and I picture ourselves when we are watching spanking porn or re-enacting parts of what we have seen. How about you? Are you an observer or a participant? Does it change from film to film? Is there a difference between watching the film and fantasizing about it afterwards? What about the models? Which part do they play for you? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.

Kinky Hotel: The Bath Tub

2011-12-07T18:32:00.001+01:00

What could be more relaxing after a long day of sightseeing than a hot bubble bath? Well, maybe a hot bubble bath plus a spanking! I love spending time in the bath tub, especially if it is part of such a beautiful old-style bathroom like the one you see in the pictures. Isn't it beautiful? Ludwig and I nearly took a bath every day during our stay in that hotel. And of course we couldn't resist the opportunity of taking some photos.

Spankings on wet bottoms seem to be a favourite for many people. I have to admit that seeing my partner naked in the bathroom can indeed be very tempting. Especially if he bends over to pick something up or to dry his feet after the bath! And I love it when Ludwig gives me playful smacks or feels tempted to touch my bottom in the bathroom.

More explicit sexual practises can of course be lived out in a bath tub as well. And the great thing is: You don't have to clean up any mess afterwards. But I'm too shy to write more about that...

So, I'll ask you a question instead: What are your kinky fantasies and experiences when it comes to bath tubs? Feel free to share your stories in the comment section!

Versatile Blogger Award

2011-12-04T23:35:00.002+01:00

Ludwig and I have been tagged with the Versatile Blogger Award by two of our fellow bloggers, Fred Bloggs and Pandora Blake. We are flattered and say: Thank you very much, Fred and Pandora! Normally we are not such big fans of memes, but we liked the premise of this one, so we've decided to play along.

The rules for the Versatile Blogger Award are: Apart from thanking those who granted the award (check), one has to share seven things about oneself, pass on the award to 15 other bloggers one enjoys reading and let them know about the award.

Ludwig has already participated in a similar meme in 2008, and you can read seven fascinating and also strange things about him here. So we've decided that I am going to write seven things about me this time. Here we go:

1. In my youth the two best known junior detective series in German were “The Three Investigators” and the German series “TKKG”. Most kids preferred either the one or the other. I wasn't opposed to TKKG, but I was definitely a “Three Investigators” kid.

2. I love Asian food, especially Japanese set menus and Chinese dim sum.

3. I was a big fan of Police Academy as a teenager – I fell for the combination of smart uniforms, dedication and humour. It's still a good mixture for kinky fantasies.

4. I finished first in my graduate year at school. No one ever mentioned it at the official ceremonies, though, which made me very sad at the time. Today I make sure to celebrate my achievements with friends, no matter whether any officials acknowledge them or not.

5. When I was sixteen, I attended a course in paragliding. It was an interesting experience, but continuing would have meant investing a lot of time and money. So I decided not to take any advanced courses.

6. Several years ago I went to one of the official Sumo tournaments and to a Pro Wrestling event in Tokyo, all on my own. Both events were great! And I still dream of shooting a spanking clip in which I get slammed through a table...

7. The hospital I was born in is now a home for the elderly. That's the circle of life!

I don't want any of my fellow bloggers to feel obliged to participate in this meme, and I am aware that some of the blogs which I like have already been tagged by someone else. But I still wanted to use this opportunity to introduce you to 15 blogs that I enjoy reading and that certainly deserve this award.

1. Indy / Not So Submissive: Indy is not only a lovely person and one of the most experienced specialists when it comes to throwing fellow spankees under the bus, she is also an excellent writer. On her blog you will find witty real-life spanking accounts as well as insightful discussions and ramblings.

2. Prefectdt / Spankedhortic II: Apart from his regular columns “Thought For The week”, “The Saturday Swishing” and “Sunday Blog Stuff Roundup” you will find many more interesting stuff on Prefectdt's blog, including excellent spanking humour and spanking-related pictures and clips involving all possible gender constellations.

3. Erica Scott / Erica Scott: Life, Love & Spanking: Erica is a famous American spanking model and a very sweet person. She has a tough blogging schedule and blogs about every second day. In her posts Erica takes her readers with her to shoots, private spanking exploits and her everyday-life adventures and thoughts. Her posts are full of both honesty and wit.

4. Mija / El Tercer Ojo: Mija writes not only about spanking, you will also find political ramblings, personal stories and even beautiful calligraphy on her blog. Right now Mija's intention is to blog daily until Christmas. But Mija isn't only a skilled writer, she also is a very lovely person!

5. Paul / Paul At North Gare: Being the avowed (but lovable) misanthrope that he is, Paul will surely hate me for bothering him with a nonsense small-talk meme. But his blog is simply too good to miss this chance to point it out to you. You will find very interesting in-depth discussions here.

6. Leia-Ann Woods / Leia's New Musings: Leia-Ann Woods is a witty and kind person and an experienced spanking model, on the receiving as well as on the administering end. On her blog she writes about her shoots as well as her private play and all the questions that come to her mind during her exciting journey.

7. Bogey and Bacall / Our Bottoms Burn: Apart from Mija and Paul, Bogey and Bacall are the only other switching couple I know. And these two switch regularly. On their blog you can read more about their adventures and their thoughts on spanking-related topics.

8. Underling / Underling's Humblings: On this blog you will find fantastic F/M drawings and stories created by Underling himself! If you like male bottoms, fantasies about strict women and creativity, this is your place.

9. Amelia Jane Rutherford / Playing To Lose: Amelia Jane (or Ariel Anderssen, her other identity) is a beautiful, kind and intelligent spanking and bondage model. She doesn't blog regularly, but when she does, her posts involve either very aesthetic pictures or thoughtfully written in-depth discussions or both.

10. Abel / The Spanking Writers: Many people know and adore Abel for his spanking stories and his ability to pervert almost every vanilla incident. I am especially drawn to his thoughtful discussions of complicated and fascinating aspects of kink, though, as well as his kind and caring personality.

11. Ronnie / Heart And Soul: On this blog you will find beautifully written accounts on Ronnie's spanking experiences with her husband P. Plus a lot of humour, interesting observations and much more.

12. Kami Robertson/ On The Way Of Exploration: Kami is a spanking model, a sociable kinky enthusiast and a young woman who isn't scared of exploring new things. She has started her journey as a bottom, but now she offers topping sessions as well. For quite a while there was silence on her blog, but now she is luckily back to share her adventures.

13. Hermione / Hermione's Heart: Hermione has a very impressive daily posting rhythm. Her blog features regular columns such as “Friday Fail” and “Complete The Caption” as well as posts about private exploits with her partner Ron and much more.

14. Todd and Suzy / American Spanking Society: Todd and Suzy frequently write about their own private exploits as a couple, their kinky friends and everything that has to do with spanking. In their weekly column “Thursday Night at the Roundtable” Suzy and Todd invite their readers to vote on a question about spanking and to share their thoughts on the topic.

15. Emma Jane / A Painful Awakening: Emma Jane is an amiable kinky spirit. She is fascinated by a great variety of kinky fantasies. On her blog she shares her private exploits, from schoolgirl spankings to interrogation scenarios. Her blog hasn't been update for a while, but I hope she will be back.

Kaelah's Corner (Nov 2011): Do You Want Kids With That?

2011-11-30T23:58:00.003+01:00

From time to time someone will pop up online and accuse kinky people of being potential child abusers. Some weeks ago this happened for example on Amelia Jane Rutherford's blog, and she wrote a fantastic reply. Since I am sure that most of our readers know the difference between consensual adult play and child abuse, there is no reason to discuss that topic here. Drawing any connection between erotic kink and abusive behaviour is nonsense. Bottom line.

A while ago I had to face a quite different question, though, which had to do with kink and children as well. As I already mentioned in previous posts, many friends and several members of Ludwig's and my family know that we are kinky. The majority of them don't have any problems with that at all, and surely none of them would see us as potential child abusers. But a few people are struggling a bit with the concept of erotic spanking.

Among those who aren't really comfortable with the idea of erotic kink is a female relative aged around sixty, who is very close and dear to both Ludwig and me. I am going to call her Anne here. She learned about our erotic preferences in an unplanned situation. Anne doesn't judge us for who we are and she is still as caring and supportive as always. But deep inside she finds the idea of erotic spanking unsettling.

A while ago we talked about children, and Ludwig and I said that we are planning to have at least one or maybe two. Not in the near future, but in a few year's time. I have talked to Anne about children on other occasions, and she always told me she thought that Ludwig would be a good, loving daddy. That time she suddenly hesitated, though. Then she finally asked: “Are you sure that you want children? I mean, can you definitely make sure that they won't find out about your kink?”

Anne of course never intended to hurt us with her question. She loves children, and I am sure that she will be there to support us when we have a child one day. Her question expressed a real concern, though. Anne was seriously worried about our children-to-be's well-being, because in her opinion children can't deal with the knowledge that their parents are kinky.

I have to admit that I was puzzled by Anne's question. The idea of hiding our kink from our children never occurred to me (read: hiding = not telling them; of course they are not supposed to watch!). I am very convinced that children can deal with their parents being kinky, as long as they are told about it step by step in age-appropriate ways. To my mind the only thing that really scares children is the fear that their parents don't love them or each other any more. Or the feeling that there is some dark family secret, something horrible, something no one is allowed to talk about.

When I grew up, my parents always answered all the questions which I had about love and sex. They had been raised at a time where intimate topics weren't discussed openly, and that had led to rather unpleasant experiences. For example, my mum was very afraid when she got her menstruation for the first time because she thought she was ill. To ensure that I wouldn't make similar experiences, my parents encouraged me to ask all the questions I had and answered them as well as they could. Consequently, when I got my menstruation for the first time, I wasn't scared at all. Quite the contrary, I was very proud because it meant to me that I was becoming more adult.

I vaguely remember that I, like many children, also accidentally entered my parents' bedroom one time when they didn't expect it. I have been told that some children are shocked by that experience, but I wasn't. As far as I remember I asked one of them the next day whether they had been making love. I was confirmed that my assumption was right and the case was closed for me. From what my parents had taught me, sexuality was something positive, so there was nothing to worry about.

In my opinion the same is true for erotic kink or any other special situation. Before I met Ludwig, I had been in the process of becoming a single mother by choice. During that time I had thought and read a lot about how to raise a child under unusual conditions and how to ensure its well-being. My mum supported me in my plan, as she always did, being convinced that I would be a good mother and that I would always take good care of my child. The baby socks in the picture at the top of this post were a little present from my mum to show me her support.

When I was sitting at my mum's bed in her last hours, one thing I told her was that she would have grandchildren one day. My mum liked Ludwig very much, and she neither doubted his nor my ability to be a good parent. Our kink didn't make any difference for her. My mother would have been a wonderful grandma. I wished she could hold one of her grandchildren one day, at least a single time. When the day comes and I will be a mother myself, I hope that I will be at least half as good as her. Then I'm sure that our children will grow up to be happy adults, and it won't make any difference that their parents are kinky.

But what about kinky couples who can't have a baby and therefore want to adopt a child? I'm quite sure if that happened to Ludwig and me and if someone found out about our kink or, even worse, about this blog, the pictures and the clips, we wouldn't be allowed to become adoptive parents. That thought makes me very sad. I just hope that we will never depend on anyone else to decide whether we can have children or not.

Spanking Porn: On Compartmentalization

2011-11-28T13:21:00.000+01:00

Ludwig and I have discussed many spanking related topics lately. One thing we talked about was spanking porn and how it works for us. I thought it would be interesting to ask or readers about their points of view as well. So this is the first post in a mini series about spanking porn related topics.

Imagine the following situation: You are watching a spanking film which on the whole suits your kinky taste. But it also involves elements that you don't like. The positive and negative elements might either be within one single scene. Let's take, for example, a spanking scenario with a nice spankee, your favourite level of severity, beautiful reactions, well shot, but for some reason the attitude of the top annoys you. Or maybe a film consisting of several different scenes involves one spanking which has all the right ingredients for you, but other scenes in that movie turn out to be complete turn-offs.

How do you deal with that ambiguity? Do you watch the film nonetheless and enjoy the parts that suit your taste? Or do you turn away?

Ludwig and I deal with such a situation in very different ways. Ludwig has the ability of compartmentalization, which means that he focusses on the positive elements of the movie and simply ignores the parts he doesn't like. I don't have that ability. If I find one aspect of a scene or the film as a whole strongly annoying or if one element touches any of my personal limits, I can't enjoy the positive parts of the movie any more.

In my opinion this is not only true for spanking porn, it's the same with vanilla films as well. The difference might be a bit stronger when it comes to spanking movies, though, which I explain by the fact that I am more likely to watch films (especially M/F scenarios) rather from the bottom perspective while Ludwig is more likely to be in a toppy mindset. Since we both have more hard limits when bottoming than when topping, I am more likely to find elements that make me feel uncomfortable.

But I still think that the top / bottom mindset is not the main reason for our different behaviour. In my opinion the ability to compartmentalize is the key. Ludwig and I have developed the theory that the different ways in which we process information could explain our different reactions. Ludwig is an INFJ and I am an INTJ in the Myers-Briggs personality type continuum. Our idea is that NF-types are more likely to have the ability to compartmentalize than NT-types.

By the way, I think the question of compartmentalization does not only affect spanking films, it also applies to private spanking scenes. I'm not sure about that aspect, but I assume that even in the bottom position Ludwig is much more likely to simply ignore elements of a scene he doesn't like, while I am much more likely to be thrown out of the erotic fantasy as a whole.

We would like to hear about your experiences. Do you have the ability to compartmentalize? Under which conditions do or don't you have that ability? And, in case you know, which personality type are you?

Autumn Leaves

2011-11-25T21:55:00.001+01:00

It is getting cold here in Germany, but Ludwig and I were lucky to catch the last autumnal sunbeams during a walk in the woods two weeks ago. The trees and the ground were decorated with leaves of all different colours. The sun flooded the scenery with a mystical light and the air was warm and cosy. So we decided to seize the opportunity and take some pictures.

The sunlight warmed my skin during our little photo session, and the soft moss invited me to lie down for some more pictures. We had to be quick, though, because obviously a lot of people had decided to go for a walk that day. So unfortunately my bottom was only heated by the sun and not by either Ludwig's hand or one of the twigs which where lying around. But there is always a next time!

And at least we got some nice pictures to share with you. I hope you like them!

The Taxman Cometh

2011-11-21T16:46:00.000+01:00

Soon Pandora's new site Dreams Of Spanking will be launched. So, here it finally is: The first part of the behind-the-scenes report from the shoot Ludwig and I did for Pandora earlier this year. I won't start chronologically, though. Today's post is going to be about the last scene we shot, which will be the first one to be published. It was also the first time I ever topped a woman and dished out an OTK spanking!

I had signalled Pandora that I would be interested in topping her, and she had come up with an idea for a little scenario: Pandora was a self-employed spanking model who came to visit her tax accountant (can't imagine why Pandora saw me in that role...) who happened to be one of her friends at the same time. Unfortunately, Pandora did not only show up late, but her paperwork was a mess as well. So her friend, being angry but sure that Pandora could do better and not wanting to let her down, decided to teach her a lesson instead of telling her to find another tax accountant.

Pandora gave me a plot description with some ideas for the dialogue the evening before the shoot. I was a bit afraid of that scene, partly because of my inexperience as a top and partly because of the dialogue. I knew that the scene would be the last one of the day and in the evening my English usually gets worse due to tiredness. I assumed that the excitement after the severe caning which I had coming first thing in the morning wouldn't make it any better. Furthermore, the nervousness about that severe scene didn't allow me to prepare much dialogue for a later scene the night before. And I was neither familiar with the special vocabulary nor with the English tax system. So, I would have to improvise a lot.

Ludwig calmed me down when I told him that I wasn't sure whether I would be able to sell the character of the strict tax accountant properly. “Just be your annoying nitpicking self. That'll do perfectly.” I don't like to admit it, but he proved to be right.

Ludwig was behind the camera for the scene. Since we had only one camera, every break meant that he had to change the camera angle. So it was clear that there should be as few breaks as possible. Pandora and I had just started our conversation when a special guest turned up, though. Fatface, Pandora's cat, must have followed us. Where it had come in, I don't know.

But Fatface was obviously determined to become a porn star! Without hesitation the cat walked past Ludwig and into the scene. For a second Ludwig thought about grabbing the cat by its tail, but he decided against it because he didn't want to hurt Fatface. Pandora and I were a bit stunned for a second but then simply went on like the cat was supposed to be there. Obviously the tax accountant owned a cat... Fatface collected some caresses from both of us and then happily left the scene.

Pandora and I went on. The dialogue proved to be a bit difficult indeed, but I improvised and didn't stop, even when I realised that I had made a grammatical mistake. I think I changed the focus of the storyline a bit compared to Pandora's original plan, though. I assume that Pandora wanted to focus more on the fact that the model had let herself down by, for example, not having collected the receipts for her expenses properly, which meant that she would have to pay more taxes than necessary.

I got carried away by some other thoughts, though. If I sent in documents with missing receipts and someone found out, wouldn't that destroy my credibility as a tax accountant? Wouldn't the tax authorities start to check the documents of all my clients twice? And why did Pandora assume that I had enough time to sort out her documents for her when she turned up at the very last minute? - Have you ever worked with fellow employees who only do the stuff they like and hope that the stupid and boring eager beavers will do the rest? That was the picture which I had in mind during the scene.

And so my annoying nitpicking self took over. Especially as Pandora tried to talk her way out of the spanking. I remember her saying: “I will try to make it better the next time.” And me growling back: “This is not about trying! This is simply about doing it!” And so the conversation went on, even after Pandora had agreed to accept a spanking and was draped over my knee.

I had never spanked anyone OTK before and was a bit scared at first that I might not be able to hold and support Pandora safely with my knees. But it worked perfectly and I have to say that it was a wonderful feeling when Pandora put her weight on me and trusted me to hold her. Topping Pandora in front of a camera without having much experience was a bit scary because I didn't want to screw up. But at the same time it felt easier than topping someone in a private scene because the storyline and the course of the spanking were given. It definitely was a wonderful experience.

We started with my hand over her skirt, which proved to be not that effective, even though I gave my best. But Pandora was already warmed up from a previous scene and the skirt reduced the effect of my hand spanking as well. The only resulting marks were on my hand, as you can see in the second picture of this post. But I gave everything I had while lecturing Pandora at the same time. I only made a little newbie mistake: Not talking in between the strokes, but with them. Pandora told me that my words are audible in the video, though, so it should be alright.

The spanking went on over the knickers and on the bare and finally ended with the hairbrush. Pandora had told me that I didn't have to hold back with the brush she had given me, and so I laid on. That particular hairbrush is very slippery, though, as Pandora has experienced herself. I want to remark that I was completely sober during the shoot, though! Nonetheless the brush suddenly slipped out of my hand. But I managed to catch it in mid-air and went on as vigorously as before. A short time later the hairbrush slipped out of my hand a second time. But again I caught it and simply went on. As a result I think that I look not extremely skilled but very ambitious, which in my mind perfectly fits the character who wasn't supposed to have any prior experiences with spanking at all!

You can make up your own mind about the scene, though. Because here is the preview clip which has just been published by Pandora. Hope you like it!

In my opinion "The Taxman Cometh" is a funny little scene and I'm looking forward to seeing the final clip, which will go online on the day Dreams Of Spanking is launched. It definitely was a pleasure and a lot of fun to shoot it! The reports of the other two scenes will follow in a while. The two clips will be released in the first months after the site launch and we will give you a glimpse behind the scenes once they are available.

(24 x 2) + (8 x 6) = pain

2011-11-18T19:02:00.003+01:00

(Before any annoying math wizards jump on the title: yes, I am aware that the parantheses are unnecessary because of the customary multiplication-before-addition order of operations. But it just looked better with them!)

Kaelah and I were most impressed by the response to this year's Global Day of Delurk. Granted, you tend to get a bigger response when you offer the added incentive of making a spanking video (more about that below). But we still did not expect quite so many comments. We heard from 31 different readers, including eight true first-time delurkers. That is a record for our blog, and once more, we are comfortably above the comments-per-blog average (18.50 according to Bonnie's figures). So, a big thank you from both of us to everyone who participated. Especially to the true delurkers - it would be lovely to keep hearing from you in the future as well.

I am all the more pleased with the response after what has been a relatively quiet summer and autumn for us. We had a semi-hiatus, we only managed an average four posts per month from May to October, and while Kaelah tenaciously kept things going, I was almost entirely absent. And still, we get this kind of response on delurk day. That really is flattering, and it shows me that we must have been doing something right these past few years to attract such loyal readers. Thank you again. Oh, and by the way, my personal semi-hiatus is now officially over. If I needed any motivation for re-joining Kaelah in blogging, I have it now. You will hear more from me again in the coming months.

But enough with the banter. I am sure you are all eagerly waiting for the Global Day of Delurk debriefing in regards to the spanking video Kaelah and I are going to make. We said that anyone who had commented before would contribute two strokes with the riding crop, and every first-time delurker would contribute six strokes with the leather paddle. So, here is the final tally, with the commenters in chronological order:

Contributing two strokes each with the riding crop:

Karl Friedrich Gauss

Michael

Chross

Greenwoman

sixofthebest

Spearthrower

Bonnie

Ursus Lewis

Peter8862

Gaviao

Saro

New one

doclash

Contributing six strokes each with the leather paddle:

Simon

Lydia

Raven Red

Bob Koch

FatFreddy

Elsie

Spankfun

Cane not Caine

If my math is correct, that adds up to 46 strokes with the crop and 48 strokes with the paddle. But in fact, Kaelah has been complaining so much about narrowly missing the symmetry of having the same number with both implements, I am counting her own comments to the Global Day of Delurk as another two with the crop. After all, why should only comments from blog readers count and not comments from the blog authors? There was nothing in the announcement that precluded the latter. So, it will be 48 strokes with the crop, and 48 with the paddle.

You know what I think is funny? There also wasn't anything in the announcement about which one of us would get the spanking. Kaelah wrote that we were going to make a clip, she wrote about the implements and the numbers of strokes - but not about the identity of the spankee. Everyone just automatically assumed that it would be Kaelah. Not an unreasonable assumption, given that she is mostly a bottom and I am mostly a top, and later confirmed by Kaelah in her comments. But still, I just think it's funny how there never seemed to be any uncertainty in anyone's mind. We really need more x/M material in the spanking blogosphere to shake up our expectations (I have contributed to that in the past and will do it a few more times before I retire from the Scene).

From this year's Global Day of Delurk, however, we are indeed going to make an M/F clip, as was assumed. The action will be about twice as long as we originally expected. Kaelah had reckoned with four or at best five delurkers, but certainly not with eight. Otherwise, she might not have been so generous as to offer six strokes for each! We also did not expect so many commenters in total. But, as you know, Kaelah is a brave girl who takes challenges in stride. And since the two of us have not played much in recent months, she has been talking about how she craves an extended, proper thrashing, anyway. Now she is going to get one.

We are going to film the clip in about two weeks, when we next see each other, and will then edit it in time for a release as a Christmas gift.

Please No More!

2011-11-15T21:52:00.002+01:00

(Standard schoolgirl spanking fare from Girl Spanks Girl, Girls Boarding School, Pain4Fem and Punished Girls. By comparison, videos with male spankees or innovative spanking scenarios are hard to find.)

Some time ago Adele Haze wrote a very interesting post called Schoolgirl spanking: A favourite fantasy. In that post, she explained that she can't get enough of schoolgirl scenes, no matter how repetitive they might be. Adele also analysed why she likes schoolgirl scenes so much and why she can't get enough of them. And then she asked her readers about their opinions.

Funnily, Ludwig and I reacted the same way when we talked about Adele's post. Our shared opinion: “I wish I wouldn't have to see the same things again and again! I am getting tired of reading about and watching the same old stories over and over.”

Ludwig has written reviews of several schoolgirl spanking films and websites featuring schoolgirls. He always preferred the more creative and unusual schoolgirl storylines, but he liked the schoolgirl scenario as a classical spanking genre. Today, though, he is so fed up with schoolgirls that even imaginative variations on the topic, like Northern Spanking's Schoolgirls in Space, hardly manage to raise his interest.

I've made similar observations, but my issues go even further. Although I'm female and predominantly a bottom myself, I don't want to hear about x/F scenarios anymore. The reason: The internet is so full of x/F spanking stories, films and pictures that I simply sometimes can no longer stand it. I'm missing a certain balance, like Pandora so wonderfully described in her recent post Male spanking showcase. The result: What was once thrilling has become rather annoying and almost a turn-off.

I assume that all spankos have scenarios we can't get enough of. Today I don't want to ask you about those, though. What Ludwig and I would like to know instead is: Are there any aspects of kink which you once liked but can't stand anymore today? If yes, why has your interest in them diminished? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section!

Global Day Of Delurk 2011

2011-11-10T08:08:00.003+01:00

For the sixth time Bonnie of My Bottom Smarts has organised Love Our Lurkers Day or, as we call it here at the Rohrstock-Palast, the Global Day Of Delurk. Thank you very much, Bonnie, for all your efforts that go into this wonderful little event. This is the first time for me to write our Global Day of Delurk post, which is a big honour, since I've got a very special relation with this campaign.

In 2008 I wrote my first-ever comment here on Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast, in reply to Ludwig's first Global Day Of Delurk post. At that time I still called myself K'Ehleyr. Our long-time readers know how things evolved from that moment on, and the rest of you can read the full story here if you like. What a great journey it has been! Anyway, here I am, being Ludwig's mate for more than 2 ½ years now and writing my first own Global Day Of Delurk post at what is now our joint blog.

Ludwig is no longer available as a mate, but I would like to invite all our silent readers out there to say hello nonetheless. Ludwig and I both love writing and we are lucky to have a wonderful bunch of commenters on this blog. And, of course, we are glad to know that we have many more readers who seem to enjoy our writing but prefer to remain quiet. Still it can be hard sometimes to write mostly for a silent crowd. So, if you are a reader of this blog and if you can spare a few minutes, please use this day to raise your head.

To give you a little additional incentive, we have decided to combine this year's Global Day Of Delurk campaign with a little film-project. Ludwig and I are going to make a clip, and it depends on you how long or short this clip is going to be. The clip will be a rather straight-forward spanking clip this time, so that we will be able publish it in a few weeks' time already.

There will be two parts of the spanking action, one with our riding crop and one with our leather paddle. And you are the ones who can decide how long the two action sequences are going to be! All you have to do is write a comment on this post. For every comment written by someone who has already commented earlier on Ludwig's Rohrstock-Palast two strokes with the riding crop will be added. And for every real first-time delurker there will be SIX strokes with the paddle! All comments that are published until the 17th of November 23:59:59 German time will be counted. The only precondition for your comment to be counted is that it isn't anonymous (please think up some kind of nickname for yourself, so we don't end up with a bunch of indistinguishable anonymous comments!).

So, use your chance to say hi if you like, and help us to create a funny little piece of spanking art together! And in case you prefer to remain silent, I would like to use this post to say: Thank you very much for reading our blog and we hope that you are having a good time with us!

My Kinky Therapy

2011-11-06T17:00:00.001+01:00

In my posts Therapy? and Speculative Questions, I asked whether kink can be used as a kind of “self-therapy” (in quotation marks; I don't want to imply that spanking can substitute any real therapy in case of serious mental issues). I told you that in my opinion my own kinky fantasies and my kinky life provide that kind of therapy and that I would write about my own experiences in a separate post. It has taken a while but here it finally is.

I have written about my fantasies and the goes and no-goes before. So, I'm going to keep this aspect short today and only focus on the question how these fantasies and my kinky activities are connected to my real-life experiences and in how far they improve my well-being.

Empowerment and self-trust:

The heroine fantasies surely are some of the oldest fantasies I have. They don't even have to be connected with kink, but they can be. I'm very sure that I have developed these fantasies because I often didn't feel very strong and self-confident. I always was very ambitious and I knew that I could achieve the things I dreamed of by working hard. But every time a new challenge turned up, my initial hypothesis was that I couldn't do it. This did not keep me from trying, but always having to prove that my null-hypothesis was wrong cost me a lot of energy. That is why I often dreamed of being a heroine, someone who strongly believed in herself and always knew that she would find a way to make things happen.

My self-confidence and self-trust have improved, but I'm still an emotional human being and can easily be scared or hurt. I've come to terms with my emotions and even see them as something positive now, but still the fantasy of the tough woman who takes new challenges without stomachaches holds a big appeal for me. And I love to make that experience in my kinky play when I take the challenge of a severe spanking. That is why surviving isn't enough for me. Surviving is what I always did in my real life. Feeling strong throughout the challenge is what I was always longing for.

Leading and playing with the big boys:

The idea of someone trusting me enough to allow me to lead them has gained more and more appeal during the recent years. This is a big part of my topping fantasies. The idea of being allowed to lead someone who is normally used to be a leader himself (or herself) is one that holds a special attraction. Even as a child and teenager, I always wanted to play with the big boys. Which is one reason why the idea of topping Ludwig has such a special appeal for me. He is predominantly a top and is very picky on the rare occasions when he switches. The experience of him giving himself to me as a bottom therefore is a very empowering one, one that gives me strength for my day-to-day life as well.

Feeling, not thinking:

I am an INTJ, which means that I tend to plan and organize a lot. And I tend to follow my reason more often than my gut feeling. I've learned to trust my feelings more and more in the recent years and to take care that my rational plans and my emotions are consistent. But still it is very rare for me to stop thinking and focus on my feelings only. In my sexual play with Ludwig, though, I can let go and focus completely on the sensations, knowing that he will do only things to me which I enjoy, like in the scene which I described recently. The kinky tools that help me the most to give up control are restraints and blindfolds. They allow me to feel safe and to focus completely on myself and my feelings even while interacting with Ludwig. This form of play provides a wonderful time-out from real-life issues and organisational tasks and helps me to recharge my batteries. Cuddling and being tickled have a similar effect, by the way.

Feeling safe:

Since my mum died, I'm very aware of the fact that we can lose anyone we love at any time, and that no-one can be there for us or protect us forever. Ludwig loves me, and he is there for me and takes care of me as well as he can. But we are equal partners and of course there are many things in my life as an adult that he can't take away from me and which I have to do myself or have to go through myself. I wouldn't want it any other way between us, anyway!

But when I'm lying in bed alone, I often have the desire to feel as safe as a child again. That's when I indulge myself in my naval cadet fantasies. I'm only an observer in these fantasies (for I can't see myself as a child anymore), but I can go into the mindsets of the different characters. It's always the same universe with the same characters and the same kinds of scenarios which I fantasize about. This way my kinky fantasies are like a good-night ritual.

And fantasy figures have one great advantage: They don't get old, they don't get ill, they don't die. As long as I live they will be there. And so my little navy universe allows me to let go and feel aroused and safe at the same time when I fall asleep.

Letting out my inner geek:

I've been a geek my whole life. But at school, being a geek wasn't cool. I also always liked to write stories and to discuss aspects of life that interested me, for instance, how human beings act and why. I also love to have an audience, hopefully inspire them with my thoughts and get back their ideas in return. That's what I do when I'm blogging. I don't pretend to be someone else here, but somehow, being a geek is okay in our community. It can even be cool. And that is a wonderful feeling. I can sort out my own thoughts when writing blog posts and at the same time let out my inner geek for everyone to see.

Feeling sexy:

I never considered myself to be very female, let alone sexy! I was the grey mouse who watched Star Trek, wore clothes with teddy bears instead of sexy miniskirts and read books. Being in a relationship with a man who loves me and finds me sexy as well as living out my sexual desires has given me a completely new image of myself and of my body. What was equally important for that development, though, was making and posting sexy pictures. It is almost impossible to evaluate how much the pictures have increased my self-confidence.

I used to find myself unattractive on photos, even on holiday pictures or the like. When Ludwig and I made or first sexy photo-shoot with our friends Neil and Eileen, looking at the results struck me like thunder. For the first time in my life I found myself sexy on a photo! Emma Jane has recently written a great post about that topic titled Beautifully me. I can only second her descriptions of what the photo-making can change. Today I also like many vanilla pictures of myself. And I love to dress up from time to time, for instance, for the Shadow Lane party. I still like teddies, by the way, but I think that on the right pyjama, they can even be sexy in their own way.

Being creative:

There are different kinky activities which allow me to live out my creativity. The preparation of private scenes, the blog writing, scene ideas for kinky pictures and last but not least filming clips. Like the pictures, the clips make me feel sexy. But I enjoy the creative process, developing storylines, finding the most beautiful camera angles and finally composing a clip out of the pieces of footage even more than anything else. That's why I prefer to participate in film-making projects that give me as much creative freedom as possible.

I also like to play different characters in front of the camera. It allows me to go into different mindsets and to play around with character traits which I wouldn't ever let out in real life because they are socially unwanted. I can be angry, I can be cold, and all that without having to be afraid of hurting anyone, because it is all just part of a storyline.

And I love to be behind the camera. At Pandora's last shoot for the SM Circus, I had the opportunity to be behind the camera, and it was a wonderful experience! Art always was one of my worst subjects at school. I never thought that I had any feeling for pictures. Now finding the most beautiful and unusual perspectives for photos and camera angles in clips is something that gives me a lot of satisfaction and lets me see the world with new eyes.

As you can see, my various kinky activities and the experience of living out my kinky fantasies have given me a lot of self-confidence. My fantasies and my kinky experiences allow me to be how I always wanted to be, to do things which I never thought I'd be able to do and to feel safe and strong. And all that without having to neglect who I am and having to pretend to be someone else. Therefore my kink makes me feel happier, which I think is the best possible outcome any therapy can achieve!

The Vengeance Demon

2011-11-03T17:15:00.000+01:00

So here they are, the promised Halloween pictures! I decided to dress up as a Vengeance Demon this year, so for one day at least I didn't have to hide the real me. In my opinion the job as a Vengeance Demon is cool, spending one's time to hunt down unfaithful men (and women, this is the 21st century, and I'm all for gender equality) and teaching them a painful lesson.

And there are so many creative possibilities for their punishments! You just have to let your mind wander... Cooking them in boiling oil is an interesting method, right? Hmm, the only problem is, I don't own a suitable deep fryer (must take a mental note for my next birthday). Well, here comes another idea: How about blast-freezing?! But then, I think that my refrigerator is too small for that. But of course there is one more punishment method left. And I'm definitely well-equipped for that one...

… yep, indeed, a good, old-fashioned single-tail whipping. All you need is a fiercely determined Vengeance Demon (check), a single-tail whip (check), maybe some restraints (check) and an unfaithful delinquent (oops). Well, I'm sure I'll find one, sooner or later.

Or maybe one of you wants to make a confession right now? Come on, you know you'll feel better afterwards. At least until I get my hands on you ... ahem, I mean ... I'll be very sympathetic, really! Just take a look into my sweet, innocent puppy eyes.

So tell me, what did you do on Halloween and do you have any recommendations for kinky Halloween outfits?

Kaelah's Corner (Oct 2011): Morgen

2011-10-31T01:25:00.001+01:00

Morgen, ja morgen,
fang i a neues Leben an.
Und wenn net morgen,
dann übermorgen,
oder zumindest irgendwann,
fang i wieder a neues Leben an.

Tomorrow, yes tomorrow,
I will start a new life.
If not tomorrow
then the day after tomorrow
or at least one day
I will start a new life again.

This is a snippet from a very touching song of the Austrian band EAV about an alcohol addict. Of course, he never starts this new life he dreams about. But I think the lyrics do not just apply to what many addicts do. In my opinion many people live, or more precisely, spend their lives like that.

Of course there are many reasons for delaying major changes. One reason that is often mentioned are the risks that go along with changing one's life. Life is full of risks. One can lose anything and anyone, any time. There are no guarantees.

Except for one, and that is the fact that we all have to die. Sooner or later. Sometimes sooner than we hope for. I don't believe in an afterlife, so for me the end of my life on Earth will be the end of my existence.

After my mum's early death, these are things I have become very aware of. They accompany me every day. The have taken away the naive trust that everything will always be okay in the end. But they have made me see my life and the risks that I take in a new light as well.

Quitting one's job to do something one really wants to do is risky. Taking a plane to see other parts of the world isn't 100 percent safe, either. Writing a comment on a kinky blog and coming out to the kinky community can cost quite an effort. Sharing one's spanking fantasies with someone whom one has met online can be risky as well. Trying out one's fantasies for real holds the risk of disappointment. Giving someone one's love and trust might end in betrayal. Building a love relationship is a tricky task. Posting about one's fantasies online and even showing one's face definitely involves a risk of being outed one day.

But how big are all these risks in the light of mortality? How much is lost by not living out one's dreams, and how rewarding can it be to give it a try?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those persons who only live in the here and now and don't give a damn about the future. I try to do my best to make sure that my future is as safe and well-planned as possible. But maybe the financial markets will crash completely in the next years and I will lose all my financial securities. Maybe there will be violent clashes. Maybe I will become ill. Then at least I want to have lived my life and my dreams as well as I could without having permanently worried about what the future might bring.

Again, I'm not one of those “You have to try out everything in your life at least once!” people. I have never been drunk. I have never smoked even one single cigarette. I have never taken any drugs. And I miss none of these experiences.

But I would miss the things which I have learned in my professional life. I would miss having seen a bit of this beautiful planet and having been to certain events like concerts of my favourite bands. I would miss this blog. I would miss my kinky life. I would miss the experience of suddenly feeling womanly and sexy. And above all I would miss Ludwig and the experience of our relationship and love.

I'm lucky in that I had a wonderful childhood. I'm lucky in that many of my choices as an adult turned out to be good. But even the ones that didn't work out as planned had at least some positive outcome, in one way or another.

I'm not a fan of blindly taking risks. But like someone told me recently: If you have trust, you can do almost anything that is important to you and it will work out. I might not have that naive trust any more, but I have learned to trust in myself and in the fact that if one way proves to be a dead end, there is usually another path that makes it possible to go on.

I'm glad that my gut feeling told me to take a few risks. I can't say that I would be able to die happily now, without the feeling of having missed out on some important things. For example, I haven't had the chance to raise a family, yet. But I will, if I am lucky enough to have some more time. For now, I'm very happy that I've already done a lot things which were important to me.

I'm also very glad about the friends I have, kinky and vanilla. Friends who like me the way I am. Friends who invite me to share time with them. Friends who organize Halloween Parties and find it cool when I turn up in fetish outfits (photos to come soon). Sharing time with beloved people is a great way to spend one's precious time! (Whereas spending time with people one doesn't like is a great way of wasting it.)

I hope you all have some wonderful friends to share Halloween (or Reformation Day, in case you are celebrating that) with. And I hope you have taken at least a few risks in your life that proved to be worth it. If not, today is your chance! Remember, tomorrow might be too late. Happy Halloween, everyone!

Made To Be Submissive

2011-10-25T22:24:00.001+02:00

“Don't fall asleep, you've still got some work to do this evening.”, Ludwig announced as we were heading home after a long day in the city. I had just admitted my tiredness by yawning heartily. My mind immediately formed a mental picture of the kind of work Ludwig meant. But like the days before I was rather in the mood for cuddling. And so I decided not to give any answer and to wait and see what was going to happen instead. Maybe Ludwig would become tired as well at the sight of a warm, cosy bed...

Of course he didn't. Sitting on the bed, Ludwig looked at me and asked: “Do you have anything that could be used as a blindfold?” I thought about his question for a moment, finally answered yes and brought him a suitable item. “But I need to go to the bathroom first.” And so I went off.

Inside the bathroom, the different voices in my head were having a vivid discussion. “I'm not in the right mood for sex, and especially not for any more edgy games.” - “But you have been in a cuddling-only mood for a while now, just give it a try!” - “What if I don't manage to get into the right mood and have to stop the scene? Wouldn't it be fair to tell Ludwig in advance that I'm not in the right mindset?” - “And destroy everything in advance without having tried? After all, Ludwig thought about the blindfold because it caters to YOUR fantasies. Do you really think he will be less disappointed if you say no right from the beginning?”

The last voice won. As the more regular readers of this blog already know I am what Bogey so aptly calls a “bedroom submissive”. Which means that during rather sexual scenes between Ludwig and me, I like to give up control and relax. That's why I love being tied up and blindfolded. But I'm not really submissive in the sense that I only want to please my partner. I rather like scenes in which Ludwig actually does things to me which I enjoy as well, even if the scenario implies that he does things which please only him. Still, I have to be in a certain mindset for that and I wasn't sure whether I would manage to get there that evening. But I was determined to give it a try.

So, I went back to the bedroom again and waited for Ludwig's next announcement. “Do you have a hair tie? Go and fetch it.” I did as I was told and started to tie my hair back when I returned to the bed. “No!” Ludwig bent me forward and gave me a few slaps. “I said: Fetch it! And not: Tie your hair back. I want you to strip first. Fold your clothes neatly together and put them aside.”

As most of you know, I love rituals. And I had told Ludwig that I liked the thought of someone neatly folding their clothes before a spanking. Despite of the voices that were still in my head, I followed Ludwig's order and tried to focus on the soothing effect of the ritual and the orderliness which went along with it.

“Now you can tie back your hair and put on the blindfold as well.” I was kneeling on the bed before Ludwig and did as I was told. After having put the blindfold on, different emotions went through my mind. A certain tense, resistance, the urge to cry and an idea of surrender. But I didn't have much time to ponder these feelings because Ludwig spoke up again: “Stretch out your right hand.” A hand spanking? That was not what I had expected. I felt reluctant because I realised that I wasn't in the mood for pain, either. But my brain told my body to obey.

Instead of a smack I felt Ludwig's hand taking mine and carefully guiding me over the bed. “Now lie down on your stomach, hands above your head.” Again I did as I was told. I heard Ludwig unbuckle his belt and a few seconds later he gently touched my body with it, the belt wandering up and down. So it would be a belting. I tried to prepare myself for Ludwig's heavy belt, hoping that the strokes wouldn't be too unbearable.

But then the belt was gone. Ludwig had put it aside. He sat down on the bed and started to caress and tickle me. I was baffled. That was not what I had expected. I love tickling! On our first play weekend I already showed Ludwig how much I enjoy my arms being tickled. I already loved that as a child when cuddling with my parents. Tickling has an instantly soothing effect on me.

“But don't fall asleep!”, Ludwig reminded me, “Focus on my touch.” I did. Bit by bit my body relaxed and so did my mind. The voices fell silent, except for the one that uttered amazement about how well my partner knew me and how much he cared about me. Soon I was in a completely submissive mindset, willing to be dominated and in the mood for making love.

I wasn't even sure whether there was a hand-spanking after the tickling when I wrote this post or whether I was mixing up two different scenes. I was so much into Ludwig's hands at the time that it is all a bit of a blur. But Ludwig confirmed to me afterwards that there was a hand-spanking, and so now I'm sure that it was the one which I had in mind and which I really enjoyed. And while Ludwig lived out his dominant fantasies with me later on, he made sure that I got my share of joy as well.

Some bottoms like to be forced or spanked into submission. This will hardly ever work for me. Being tickled and caressed into submission on the other hand definitely does!

Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!

2011-10-23T11:49:00.004+02:00

Today was the final day of the Rugby World Cup 2011 in New Zealand. The last game ended just a few minutes ago. For those of you who are as unfamiliar with that sports as I was before it raised my interest a while ago, just a short explanation. It is a bit like American Football (which originates from rugby), just for real men. Means, no protection gear and stuff like that. Hey, what would spanking be if we decided to wear protection gear???

My congratulations go the All Blacks, the members of New Zealand's national rugby team, who have just had the French team for breakfast! Okay, to be fair, the French proved to be absolutely worthy opponents who gave the All Blacks a really hard time. The match could also have ended in their favour. But the final score was 8:7 against them.

I don't only like the All Blacks because they are damn good, but also because they perform the Maori haka Ka Mate. You can see it in the picture above. Hakas are traditional war dances. The first lines of the Ka Mate haka are “Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka ora! Ka ora!” which can be translated as “It is death! It is death! It is life! It is life!” or “I may die! I may die! I may live! I may live!”.

You are still asking yourself why I like rugby and why I write about it here? I give you some hints: Thirty muscular men fighting for victory and honour in a game that involves speed, tactics and finesse, but also pure power and the will to beat your opponent's ass. Guys who see themselves as warriors. Lots of ritual and even a warrior dance. Really, how could I find that NOT exciting? It caters to my kinky M/M preference as well as my warrior fantasies. Just like Pro Wrestling and Sumo in their own ways, but that is stuff for different posts.

I'm not sure whether I would be more interested in watching the celebration of the All Blacks, though, or in sneaking into the locker room of the French team to see what is going on there. You see, as rugby is a sport for real men, I assume that the training methods aren't soft, either. And since the French have dropped the ball right before the finish line, so to speak, I guess some proper motivation for the next World Cup is needed. I'm sure that their coach won't let them get away with some mere love taps. I can already hear the swishing sound of the cane, followed by nothing else than heavy breathing and some suppressed gasps. Rugby players are tough guys after all...

Kinky Hotel: The Swimming Pool

2011-10-18T21:51:00.000+02:00

During our trip to the US and to Shadow Lane, Ludwig and I found some sweet spots in our hotels that invited us to take some sexy / kinky pictures. I'm going to show you the first set of them today. Of course, having an outdoor pool in the sun is always great. Especially if it isn't overcrowded!

For me, swimming is a wonderful exercise. It makes me feel refreshed and it is a good workout at the same time. But of course, one can also have a lot of fun fooling around in a pool. Ludwig and I did both, swimming lanes and making fun.

One activity to irritate your swimming partner which I can highly recommend is forming a triangle with your hands and starting to hum the musical theme of Jaws while chasing the other person, pretending to be a shark. The only risk: I nearly drowned because I laughed so hard when I chased Ludwig and the same thing happened to me when he turned the tables and started hunting me...

Swimming pools are of course also nice places for kinky play and common settings for spanking clips. Girls and boys in swimming suits are always a favourite. Unfortunately, real action was out of question in our hotel pool since there were too many people around. But at least we managed to take a few quick snapshots when we were alone for a short while.

A spanking under water might have gone unnoticed, but, well, due to the water resistance it doesn't really work. That's why spanking storylines involving a swimming pool usually only start there while the spankings take place on the edge or somewhere outside of the pool. Underwater spanking could provide a good workout for the spanker, though. Maybe it's an idea for a new sports trend?

Have you made any experiences with pool spankings in private play? In a private or even in a public pool? And has anyone of you managed to spank someone in the pool itself (with or without any tools)?

Being and Seeing

2011-10-13T18:10:00.000+02:00

One little item at the Shadow Lane party gave me a lot to think about. It's the name cards everyone wore in order to make conversation easier. The little tags not only showed the name, they also gave information on the spanking preferences of their carrier. There were four options one could choose: “dom”, “sub”, “switch” or “other”.

Of course one might already debate the choice of the words“dom” and “sub” instead of, for example, “top” and “bottom”. I've been told that Eve, our Shadow Lane host, is of the opinion that “top” and “bottom” might imply a hierarchy and an according difference in value, which is why she uses “dom” and “sub”. Others like me simply interpret “top” and “bottom” as descriptive terms that express on which side someone prefers to play, while “dom” and “sub” say something about the intention and attitude someone has during a scene. I've already written about my understanding of these different labels here, though, and that is not the point I would to discuss today.

What I found highly interesting, however, was how much the choice of one's label says about how people see themselves. Most of the people I know consider themselves either predominantly a top or predominantly a bottom. But most of them also switch, at least from time to time. Interestingly, these people made very different choices when it came to ticking one of the label boxes and that's what aroused my curiosity.

As you can see in the picture above, Ludwig introduced himself at the party as a “dom” (although he too prefers “top”), while I chose the “switch” option. I guess that there are several reasons why Ludwig didn't choose the “switch” label as well. First of all, Ludwig is of course predominantly a top. He does switch, but only on very rare occasions, and he is very picky about the people who get to top him. Without exception, it is either for video clips or for me in private. So, chances for him to bottom on any occasion during the party were virtually zero. Why use a “switch” label then? And last but not least, even when Ludwig switches, he does it with an attitude which he calls auto-aggressive sadism or self-sadism. That means he doesn't really explore the scene in a bottom mindset. Instead, he appreciates the resulting reactions and marks on a video clip from a top perspective. Another reason for him not to choose “switch” as a label.

I, on the other hand, am predominantly a bottom. But, playing on the top side from time to time as well is very important for me. The fact that I switch in my relationship with Ludwig means a lot to me because it shows me that Ludwig trusts me enough to give himself into my hands and that there is no one-sided power dynamics between the two of us, not even in our kinky play. In many of my fantasies, especially the M/M ones, I also switch between the mindsets of the top and the bottom characters, even though the bottom perspective might be slightly more important for me most of the time. And third, when it comes to kinky play at parties and with others than Ludwig, I have more fantasies about and feel a bit more comfortable with playing as a top than as a bottom. In conclusion, switching is very important for my self-image as well as for my public persona, and I feel much more comfortable with the label “switch” than with the label “bottom” (or worse, “sub”).

A lot of different choices could be seen among our friends, though. Paul for example, despite of switching about as rarely as Ludwig does, and I think also almost exclusively with Mija, chose the “switch” label. When Mija brought up the topic, he explained that it didn't matter how often he switched, the only thing that mattered to him when he chose the label was that he switched at all.

Indy and Mija both introduced themselves as bottoms. Indy with the additional hand-written comment “kind of”, though, which I think says everything about this woman and her special attitudes. The label “bottom” of course didn't keep Mija from topping Indy at the party – and Indy's account of the scene clearly shows that Mija definitely has a toppy side as well!

I was especially curious to see which label Leia-Ann Woods had chosen. After all, she plays a lot on both sides and tops very often nowadays. To my surprise, her name tag said “bottom”, though. So, this is either how Leia-Ann sees herself (predominantly) or how she wanted to be seen at the party.

Looking at these different examples, I think that there are several aspects that determine how we present ourselves at a public event like a party and which labels we chose. First of all and I guess most importantly, there are our own fantasies and general play preferences. Secondly the choice can of course also reflect a person's momentary mood and which kind of play someone is looking for right at the time.

But I think there is more to it than that. In my opinion, it is also about how we want to be seen in public, by the people we know and especially by those whom we meet for the first time. For example, I've heard that there are often more male bottoms at spanking parties than female tops and that the females who are willing to top are in great demand. This might keep some women from ticking the “switch” box if they don't want to be constantly asked to top others. My own choice was determined by similar motives. One of the reasons why I didn't introduce myself as a bottom was that I wanted to keep away any men who belonged to the “spanking is naturally always M/F” and the “I want a woman who finds satisfaction in submitting or being made to submit to a man” faction because this is an attitude I don't feel comfortable with.

Maybe there are even more variables that influence one's choice for a certain label at a public event? So, I would like to ask our dear readers about your thoughts on labels at spanking parties: How would you introduce yourself and why? Anyone who would choose the “other” option? Would you add any handwritten comment on your name tag? Has anyone made special experiences with the different labels at parties? And, last but not least, which value and how much influence do the labels on the name cards have at all for you at spanking parties? You are all very welcome to share your thoughts, ideas and experiences in the comment section!

Kaelah's Corner (Sep 2011): Objects In The Rear View Mirror...

2011-09-30T17:08:00.000+02:00

In a few minutes the last lesson of the day would begin. We were standing in the corridor in front of our classroom, a bunch of girls and boys aged about fourteen. Suddenly, one of the cool kids had an idea: “Hey, let's all skip class. The teacher is a jerk, anyway.” Within seconds the word spread. And everyone seemed to agree.

Then, someone said: “But Andrea and Kaelah, you two won't come with us, right?” At once, all pairs of eyes focussed on my best friend and me. We were inseparable, two kindred spirits fighting against the rest of the world. And our points of view didn't always fit to what the rest of our classmates thought. So, the assumption that we might not be game wasn't unfounded.

I didn't have to think very long. Indeed I wouldn't go with them. Not because I liked that particular teacher more than the others did. Just because skipping class didn't feel like the right thing to do for me. Had anyone come up with an idea for a funny prank like in the books that I loved to read... But simply running away?

Andrea and I maybe wanted to skip school once, shortly before our graduation, to see how it felt. But spontaneously, just because someone thought it was a funny idea? No, thank you. Group pressure and group activities weren't my thing, anyway. After all, I considered myself a human being, not a sheep.

It was Andrea who spoke up, though: “I don't know what K's going to do, but I am going to come with you.” That definitely was not what I had expected. I was stunned. But I didn't change my mind. I had my beliefs and I wasn't good at changing them from one second to another. It's still something that doesn't work well for me today.

A few seconds later I was still standing in the corridor, alone. The others including Andrea were gone. This was the day I lost my best friend. A day that has influenced me a lot. And a day that has defined limits for my kink as well.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't tell you this story in order to discuss any ethical questions or questions of guilt with you. Both, Andrea and I, had to make a spontaneous decision. I hadn't been aware that she had obviously become more and more unhappy in the role of an outsider. Skipping class with the others was her chance to participate in a group activity and to gain more acceptance from our classmates.

And I? Looking at it from today's perspective, having skipped one lesson wouldn't have been as evil as I considered it to be when I was fourteen years old. I still don't find it very cool and I would still prefer a funny prank, but I know that it wouldn't have caused the world to stop. At the time it felt wrong, though, and I wouldn't have been able to look in the mirror the next morning had I decided against my beliefs. And so I stayed behind.

Of course, at the time, Andrea's decision felt like betrayal to me. And it conjured one of my greatest fears: Being left behind by a person I trust because they decide that I'm not cool enough for them and that being accepted by others is more important than staying at my side.

It was this special fear that caused some initial difficulties in Ludwig's and my relationship, especially concerning kinky activities.

As you all know, Ludwig had played with different people before we met and he had just started making films when we became a couple. At that time, film-making was very important to him and he had a mental list of producers and models he wanted to work with. I, on the other hand, had never played with anyone else than Ludwig, and didn't have any intention to do so. The idea of making spanking clips had also never occurred to me before I met Ludwig.

Ludwig had already started his journey in the kinky community, though, and again I had to make a decision: Coming with him or staying outside. This time I wanted to become a part of the community Ludwig belonged to. And I wanted to be seen as Ludwig's partner in the kinky community.

Since Ludwig was a public persona and had already published spanking clips with other women, the wish to be seen as his equal partner led to my desire to make clips that had to be at least as important to Ludwig as the ones which he had made with others. That's why I started making clips, despite of knowing that this was something that I did primarily in order to feel like a part of Ludwig's community and to mark my territory, not something that I sought so much for myself.

Ludwig took my concerns re clip making very seriously and never pushed me. But at the same time he was of the opinion that partners who really love each other give each other as much freedom as possible. For him, making spanking clips was something completely different from our private play as partners, something creative and artistic rather than something sexual. And of course the storylines were much more interesting to him the more people and variety were involved. So, the list of producers and models remained. I was very welcome to join Ludwig, but he still wanted his film-scenes with others as well.

Dealing with this took me a long time because the situation brought up my old fears. I had the feeling that, despite of this time having made the decision to follow Ludwig instead of staying behind, this still wasn't enough. I felt that I wasn't enough, that Ludwig still wanted his own experiences with others who were cooler than me in order to show off in front of the community.

It took me a while to understand what was going on with me and to explain the situation to Ludwig. Luckily, the issues disappeared step by step. I found out that I liked making spanking clips, even though only within certain limits. Ludwig and I developed film projects that worked for both of us and that included others as well. And, last but not least, the landscape of producers and models in the scene changed and film-making became less important for Ludwig, so that he didn't mind not doing the one or other project that might have been outside my comfort zone.

The second kinky aspect that was influenced by my fear, though, was private play with others. In the beginning this was something that I didn't seek, anyway, and an idea I didn't feel comfortable with. This never was a big problem, though, because Ludwig wasn't too keen on playing with others in private, either. Not that he didn't like the idea, but it wasn't as important for him as film-making.

But over time, as I realised how much I liked making clips and posting kinky pictures, at least the idea of playing in front of others developed a certain appeal. Still I was reluctant to try it for real. The reason was that I was afraid of getting the feeling that Ludwig and I, being top and bottom, were standing on opposite sides during the scene and that he and the spectators were having fun at my expense. I knew that even the typical little mockery that tops do during a scene could cause that feeling with me, and I didn't want to take that risk.

Again, Ludwig and I talked a lot about this. And we came to the conclusion that it might work after all. We only had to find a fitting scenario. A scene in which he used me as a kind of demonstration object which he proudly presented to the spectators came to our minds. Or a scene with a kind of double-agent storyline, in which Ludwig spanked me in front of others, but behind the scenes we were working together and it would be us against the rest of the world.

Interestingly, we finally didn't need any of these special storylines. At Shadow Lane, I suddenly felt ready not only to play in front of others, but also with others. I think it is still something that I only long for within certain limits and nothing that I have to do every time I meet other kinksters. But after my Shadow Lane experience I'm sure that playing in front of or with others on special occasions will bring me a lot of fun that I don't want to miss out on.

But why is it suddenly possible for me to try these things? I have thought about this question and came to the conclusion that it has to do with different factors: My own kinky experiences, the development of Ludwig's and my relationship and the friendships that I have developed in our community.

First of all, writing this blog and posting pictures and clips has made me a lot more self-confident. From our clip-making experiences I also know that playing with others (at least the way Ludwig and I do it) is something completely different from our play as a couple, and I don't have to be afraid that another woman could become more important to Ludwig than I am.

Over time I have come to trust Ludwig to know me well enough to take care of me and to avoid things that could make me feel bad in a scene. I also know that he won't push me and that trying something out once doesn't mean that I have to do it permanently in the future. That means that I can always listen to my gut feeling and see whether I'm in the right mood for play.

Last but not least, at the Shadow Lane party I also trusted the people we played with and knew that they would never push me and that I wouldn't ever develop the feeling that they made fun of me. They might watch with a sadistic glee, but it would always be affectionate sadism and that is of course something completely different from having fun at someone else's expense.

Still, certain fears will always remain a part of me. And certain scenarios surely won't ever hold any appeal for me because they would bring up negative memories and emotions. But talking openly about everything, developing ideas of things that could work and learning how to treat and to trust each other in my relationship with Ludwig made it possible for me to try out new kinky activities, despite of my fears. I'm curious to see what the future will bring. I'll surely find out, at my own pace and with the partner I trust.

Prisoner of Alcatraz

2011-09-25T04:31:00.002+02:00

On our way to the Shadow Lane party, Ludwig and I landed in prison. More precisely, in one of the most notorious prisons ever, Alcatraz! We had used our trip the USA not only to meet friends at the party but also to do some sightseeing on the west coast. Now, I'm not too keen on kinky prison scenarios, but even for me Alcatraz was a must. And of course I hoped to be able to take the one or other kinky photo there.

Alcatraz has a very exciting history, and not only as the island that hosted one of the most famous prisons of all times. It all starts with the interesting fact that Alcatraz (island of the pelicans / seabirds) was originally the name of an island next to today's Alcatraz. But then a British sailor confused the two islands, and so they changed their names!

The first building on Alcatraz was a U.S. Army fortress which was built during the California Gold Rush in order to protect the San Francisco Bay. From 1861 Alcatraz housed Civil War prisoners. In 1867 a brick jailhouse was built on the island and from 1868 until 1933 Alcatraz was used as a military prison.

By then the need for a high security civil prison had arisen, though, and Alcatraz suited that purpose perfectly. Not because of any sharks that lived in the water around the islands, as legends sometimes say, but because the water was so cold that it was nearly impossible to survive an attempt. So, on January 1st 1934, the famous United States Penitentiary Alcatraz Island was opened.

During its usage as a prison from 1934 to 1963, Alcatraz housed some of the most well-known and most notorious criminals of the time, such as Al Capone, Robert Franklin Stroud (the “Birdman”) and George “Machine Gun” Kelley. In Alcatraz prisoners weren't names, though, but numbers. The rules were rather simple. The most important rule for every inmate was the following: “You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter and medical attention. Anything else that you get is a privilege.”

The most famous escape from Alcatraz featured Frank Morris and the brothers John and Clarence Anglin. They had dug tunnels through the back walls of their cells until they broke through to a corridor. Then one night they placed fake heads and bodies in their beds and escaped through the corridor and over the roof of the prison. Their bodies were never found, but it is very likely that they didn't survive the escape and drowned. But of course their story makes people wonder and fantasize and so it isn't a big surprise that it was used as film material. In the movie “Escape from Alcatraz” from 1979 non other than Clint Eastwood stars as Frank Morris.

From 1969 to 1971 Alcatraz played an important role in a completely different important historical event. A group of Native Americans calling themselves the “United Indians of All Tribes” occupied the island as part of their fight for improvements to the situation of Native Americans in the US. Despite of finally having to give up after 19 months due to the difficult living conditions on the island, they managed to raise a lot of awareness and to strengthen the rights of Native Americans.

Most of the visitors who come to Alcatraz today are of course especially interested in visiting the prison, though. And there are many visitors who come to Alcatraz each day! As a matter of fact, one has to buy tickets several days in advance, otherwise only very expensive combo tickets are available, and even those are sold out quickly.

Ludwig and I were lucky to get two tickets, and so we started a fascinating tour into history. Only some days later did I find out that we weren't the only kinksters who did the tour. Leia-Ann Woods has written a report about her Alcatraz experience as well. It would have been very funny had we bumped into one another on Alcatraz!

The island is very beautiful and the prison is indeed impressive. And of course it also triggers kinky fantasies! As you can imagine, it isn't really easy to take any kinky pictures with all the other people around. But those who know me a bit might have realised that I can be quite stubborn if I want something. Ludwig can definitely tell you stories about that character trait of mine...

And so, you can not only see me behind bars in the picture at the top of this post and in one of the small cells in the second picture, wearing my fitting “Hotel Alcatraz” t-shirt that reads: “The Hotel Alcatraz: Guaranteed room with a view, 24 hour security, lifetime accommodations, catering to select clientèle, bars in every room, all drinks are on the rock”. We also managed to shoot the picture below that I like very much. It was taken in one of the dark isolation cells prisoners were brought to when they had really messed up.

Obviously I must have done something that calls for serious discipline and the shadow in the door bodes ill... Isn't it great when one can combine historical studies with kinky fantasies?!

... doesn't always stay in Vegas.

2011-09-20T12:31:00.006+02:00

So, this is the second part of my Shadow Lane report. As announced in part one, today's post is going to be about the spanking action. Without further delay, here we go!

The first play session Ludwig and I joined took place on Saturday in Indy's room. Judy Verbena, Indy, Cate Stoker and Mr Allen were already in action when Ludwig and I knocked on the door. Indy and Cate had already made their first encounters with a nasty prison strap and a cane before we arrived, which Indy has described in detail here.

As we entered the room, we saw that Judy was bent over the bed, “testing” different and increasingly severe straps at the hand of Mr Allen who was visibly enjoying his duty. Judy, being rather new to the spanking scene, proved to be very tough and finally even tried the prison strap like the others before her. Meanwhile, Indy and Cate watched with glee and even managed to throw each other under the bus for an additional caning while doing so.

When Judy was finally released, Indy and Cate went over the bed for six of best each, and hard ones this time! Indy even counts that caning as the most severe one she has ever taken so far. By the way, don't take that woman seriously when she tells you that she doesn't play hard. At least Mr Allen was kind enough to give the two some time to catch their breath after each stroke. It really was a joy to watch!

After having watched the others getting spanked, I was eager to be next but at the same time a bit insecure as well because their spankings had looked quite severe and I wasn't sure whether I was in the mood for that. Especially since this would be a cold spanking. I wanted to try Mr Allen's koboo and dragon canes, though, and asked Ludwig for a “not so severe” spanking with them. So, over I went, hands placed on the bed, dress flipped up for the cane.

It was the first time that I played in front of others in a private session. So far I had only done this for film clips. Indy was very kind and thoughtful, reminding me that I could try out the canes without anyone watching if I didn't feel comfortable with playing in front of them. I think it was this atmosphere of no pressure, light-heartedness and care for each other which made it so easy for me to be relaxed and enjoy having an audience.

There were five canes, all medium thick but nonetheless of slightly different severity, and my first idea was to take one or two strokes with each of them. But then Ludwig started out with six strokes with the first cane. I can definitely say that, for me, unpeeled canes are much easier to take than the peeled rattan ones which we usually have in Germany! Admittedly, the strokes weren't too severe, but they weren't love taps, either.

With the second, slightly more severe cane, Ludwig wanted to stop after four strokes. This suddenly felt inappropriate, though, because it would have shattered my cosmos of numbers. So, without much thinking, I asked him to make it six as well. With the next cane, Ludwig accidentally only gave me five strokes which resulted in a spontaneous: “But that were only five, there was one missing!” The spectators eagerly confirmed that one last stroke was left and Ludwig of course wasn't opposed to dishing out an additional stroke, either, and so finally my little cosmos of numbers was in order again.

The others were quite amused by all this and someone suggested that it would be interesting to see what I would do in a similar situation during a very severe scene. “I assume the same as she just did”, was Indy's guess. Chances are good that she is right. I'm a strange girl, I know. Strange but happy!

The next two sets of six went by without any special incidents, apart from my more and more throbbing bottom that is. Ludwig's last strokes were harder but not too severe. Being warmed up now, I suddenly didn't feel properly finished, though. And again, without much thinking, I asked for a final six proper strokes. And I got them! When I told you that I prefer unpeeled canes, I didn't intend to say that they don't hurt. They definitely do! And they can leave quite nasty and deep-going marks and welts, even when used a bit less full-arm than a peeled cane, because they are heavier.

So, after the last six strokes I had a nice set of red welted tramlines and already a few blueish bruises to show off. Ludwig told me to turn around and show the others, who had watched from the side, the result of his handiwork. I was a bit surprised by the big hard welts on my bottom, but felt very happy and also properly caned now.

Then Mr Allen showed me a stunning looking cat-o-nine tails. I would very much love to do a naval cadet scene with Ludwig in the near future and this cat-o-nine would have been just right for that purpose. Since I wore a backless dress, anyway, I was perfectly dressed for a back whipping. So I asked Mr Allen for a little demonstration and he happily obliged (therefore being the first person other than Ludwig with whom I played in a private scene). The whip felt great, similar to the big soft flogger we have. After a while Mr Allen showed Ludwig how to use the whip and he took over.

A caning just of the right severity followed by a soft back whipping – that's what I call a good day! We took a few pictures of the cane marks, so that you can see the results as well, and then went to the suite parties together.

As I already mentioned in my last post, I wasn't involved in any play at the suite parties. But I got to watch two very memorable scenes there. The first involved Mr Allen and Cate who earned herself another caning by teasing him. And since these two don't seem to be so much into light play to say the least, Cate took a very hard thrashing again. There was even a small spot of blood (a little weak spot I assume) on her chastised bottom by the time Mr Allen was done.

Mr Allens accurate technique and Cate's restrained reactions were both a joy to watch. What was even more enjoyable, though, was the look on the faces of two of the spectators who stood directly in my field of vision. It was a mixture of awe and shock and I had the feeling that they even turned a bit pale as the caning unfolded.

The second scene I watched featured Mr Allen again and at first Lizzie whom Indy had “pimped” to him. Lizzie took a long strapping and caning and it was obvious that she was enjoying it. Maybe a bit too much for Cate's and Indy's taste. The latter went over to the two and passed their thoughts on to Mr Allen. Which of course did not only result in a more intense spanking for Lizzie, but a caning for Cate and Indy as well...

Indy also tried to fool me by telling me that taking the nasty prison strap would improve the blood circulation and thereby reduce the long-term bruising from my earlier caning. Lizzie confirmed that a lighter spanking with a strap or alike might indeed help that way, but definitely not a prison strap! This little prank only augmented the thought that had already come to my mind, anyway. I wanted to get the chance to try out one of the unpeeled canes – on Indy!

Generously, Indy granted my request. Not on Saturday, though. We had already played so much that it was time to get some rest. After lunch on Sunday, the time had come. Cate and Mr Allen had unfortunately left and so Mija, Paul, Judy, Indy, Ludwig and I were gathering together for some final play before Ludwig and I had to leave as well. Mija and Paul had some nice crook-handled canes and I asked Indy to select one of them. She opted out the thinnest one but left me the choice between the other two. I selected the medium one and Indy bent over the couch.

When I took aim, Indy turned around and asked: “Have we agreed on a number of strokes, yet?” I looked at her and said: “I think one dozen should be good, that gives me a chance to start a bit lighter and get used to the cane.” After all, I had never wielded a crook-handled cane before! The “start out lighter” part convinced Indy and she agreed.

And so it happened. I started out rather lightly, but not too softly, and increased the severity when I realised that my accuracy was right. After the fifth stroke Indy asked: “How many were that?” A cruel top would of course have used that question to add some extra strokes, but being the nice girl that I am, I simply told her the accurate number. The spectators weren't so nice, though. Mija guessed that it must have been about three strokes and Ludwig said something about “less than four”. Indy decided to trust my count...

She answered some of the following, more severe strokes with a: “That was a good one.” Now you can make up your own opinion re Indy and masochism... Before long, the dozen was nearly full. “You know what they say about the last one?” I asked Indy, making her chuckle. The answer came from the background, uttered by Paul: “The last one is always very light, almost symbolic.” “Oh really?”, I answered. “That must be a cultural difference between the US and Germany then.” And with these words I gave Indy a last proper stroke.

When I turned to the audience, Paul looked at Mija: “How about you?” And he gently pushed her into my direction. Mija didn't seem to be unwilling and I felt honoured to get the unexpected chance to top her as well. I hugged Indy and thanked her for having been such a wonderful victim and then I gave Mija the same treatment which Indy had faced before.

Mija warned me that she doesn't mark too much, which doesn't mean that she doesn't feel the strokes, thiugh. She was also very stoic, but I didn't want to turn that against her. See, I'm a nice person! Only when Mija seemed a bit bored, I decided to go harder. The audience was not so nice, by the way, constantly reminding me that Mija sounded like the spanking wasn't hard enough for her... Like with Indy, I finished the dozen strokes with a final, more severe one.

I was very happy that both canings and both victims had been so much fun and that I had been safe and accurate. Except for one stroke during Indy's caning that went a bit low, that is. Indy was kind enough to pretend that it only hit the cease, but I think at least the tip also touched her leg.

Of course the canings hadn't been too hard, but that was okay for me. I'm not an experienced top, I had never used an unpeeled, crook-handled cane and I had never played with one of my victims before. Plus, Indy as well as Mija had more play time to come, so going too hard to my mind would have missed the point. Maybe I'm still a bit too nice as a top, though. At least that's what came to my mind after having read Indy's report about a scene in which Mija topped her later!

Paul also proved directly after my caning how much more Mija can take. He told her to stay bent-over and gave her one final cane stroke himself, which made my strokes look like love taps! Mija also took this one with gritted teeth and was finally allowed to get up so that we could end the scene with hugs.

Meanwhile, Indy had decided that she wanted another caning, this time from Ludwig - because, as she explained, she had never been caned by an “international porn star” before. So she wanted to have at least a symbolic caning from Ludwig. I warned her that Ludwig's canings never feel symbolic, but that didn't change her mind. Ludwig of course happily obliged and so Indy went over for her second dozen. We all watched Ludwig apply all of his strokes accurately as always. They were a bit more severe than the ones I had dished out, but not completely over the top either, for similar reasons as the ones I have mentioned above.

After Indy was happy and done, I felt that I wanted to do one little last scene before we left, this time on the receiving end. Mija and Paul had brought two tawses and I was eager to try them. So, I bent over the sofa and Ludwig gave me six proper licks with each of the tawses. They were of different severity but both rather on the nasty side. Directly after the first stroke I realised that one spot on my right cheek was burning much more than the rest of my bottom. It was the spot were the caning from the day before had left a dark bruise. Well, unpeeled canes might be easier to take if you don't like sting, but they can leave quite deep bruises...

I managed to go through the tawsing without making too much fuss, though. But the one or other hissing sound and surprised comments about the amount of pain these nasty little things produced were inevitable. Nonetheless, the tawsing left me with a wonderful warm afterglow in my cheeks once the acute pain was gone. Mija was kind enough to take a picture with her mobile phone before Ludwig and I had to leave. It's not as sharp as a picture from a photo camera but I think it gives you a good impression.

As soon as the last scene was over, Ludwig and I had to hurry up and make our way to the airport. I would have loved to stay much longer and share more time with our wonderful friends. And I would especially have loved to watch Judy's first-ever caning which she received later that day from Paul. Only to support Judy mentally, of course... But even though this was unfortunately not possible, the Shadow Lane weekend will stay in my memory as a great event and a wonderful time with a bunch of fantastic and lovely people!

What happens in Vegas...

2011-09-15T17:13:00.002+02:00

Ludwig and I have left the USA and the Shadow Lane party behind, but we have taken some great and lasting memories with us. The saying goes: “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” But we are going to make an exception from that rule and share our experiences with you.

Since this was our first big public spanking party ever, I've decided to write about the general party schedule and my personal impressions first. Maybe this is of interest for those among you who haven't been to a spanking party (, yet), but would like to know what goes on at these events. Of course I'm also going to tell you how we spent our time and about the wonderful people we met. But the play sessions we enjoyed will be the subject of another post. For today, let's focus on an overview of the event as such.

The party took place in Las Vegas and was scheduled from Friday, September 2nd till Sunday, the 4th, but some people arrived earlier or stayed a few days longer in order to share more time with friends. Ludwig and I only arrived at the 2nd, after having escaped a bush fire that had let to a complete closure of a part of the highway to Vegas. Although the whole trip was a bit stressful, we were very much looking forward to the party, especially to meeting old and new friends.

Two wonderful people with whom we only had communicated via our blogs and emails so far and whom we met in person for the first time on our trip were Mija and Paul. Despite of never having met us before, these two gave us a sweet present – the new charity spanking anthology which has just been published by the Spanking Writers! It features spanking stories by various well-known kinky authors and bloggers, and the complete profits of the book are donated to cancer research. You can find out more about the book here. Paul himself had contributed one story to the book, so it was a very personal gift as well.

As you can imagine, this already made us feel very comfortable and welcome when we made our way to the vendor fair, the first official event that took place on Friday evening. We instantly spotted Mija and Paul and a short time later also our friend Indy whom we had already met once in the UK. I think knowing some of the people beforehand made it much easier to feel content and relaxed, but I assume that it isn't really necessary to know anyone in person in order to find a chat partner. Having made some contacts online beforehand surely helps, though, either via blogs or via the Shadow Lane site, to which one gets access when booking tickets for the party.

The dress attire at the vendor fair was mixed but quite casual. And of course there were also some kinky outfits to be seen. Indy, for example, wore a very sweet Japanese school uniform. The fair was smaller than I had expected- You could buy some spanking films, implements (especially paddles) and meet a few models. Sarah Gregory was there and Erica Scott sold and signed her new book Late Bloomer.

I had commented on Erica's blog several times but never met her in person. So, we went over to her and said hello. She was as nice and kind as I had expected and I managed to briefly chat with her twice during the weekend. Unfortunately, Ludwig and I waited a bit too long with buying her book (we were already struggling with our luggage restrictions and weren't sure whether we could fit another book in), and the book was already sold out when we finally decided to get a copy. Our luggage restrictions didn't allow for any toys, anyway, so we ended up not buying anything at the fair at all.

Instead, we used our time for chatting with some more people: Cate Stoker and Mr Allen, both of whom we had already met before at one of Haron's and Abel's parties, Richard Windsor whom we met in person for the first time, Leia-Ann Woods whom we met just briefly that evening but who had obviously done the same kinky sightseeing programme as we did (Alcatraz, more about that in another post), and the lovely Judy Verbena to whom we were introduced by Indy.

The Shadow Lane party doesn't offer too many events and structure, it rather provides a framework that allows kinksters to meet and have fun together. So, the vendor fair was the only official event on Friday, which served as a starting point for the suite parties and the private gatherings that took place later in the evening. We decided not to attend one of the big suite parties on our first day and instead met with Mija, Paul, Indy and Judy for some relaxed talk. It was a wonderful group of people and I felt comfortable immediately. I even started to crave some kinky play, even though there was “just” talk on that first night. Or maybe it was because we only talked? That way, I didn't feel the pressure to commit to any form of play, which allowed me to relax and to play with “What if...?” thoughts.

The next day, Ludwig and I explored our Las Vegas hotel, spent some time in the pool, had lunch at one of the restaurants and watched people gambling. Then we got ready for the second main event of the party – the dinner. This time, the attire was more elegant, women in gowns and men in suits. Mija even had a beautiful flower in her hair and I finally had a chance to wear my Chinese dress. Indy introduced us to her friend Lizzie who looked adorable in her short plaid skirt.

The food was nice but not too special. I think that this wasn't the main point, though. Again, the dinner served as an opportunity to meet people before everyone headed off to the room parties. This time, we decided to explore the famous suite parties as well. Suite parties are privately hosted parties that are open to everyone. The room numbers are announced during the dinner and people are invited to come, have a look, chat, watch, play and stay as long as they like before taking a glimpse into another party room.

We went to three different suite parties and the hosts were always very friendly and welcoming. One party even had a James Bond motto and the whole room had been decorated accordingly. Usually, the main room of the suite was primarily used for chatting and the two bedrooms were used for play. The play was mostly M/F, but we also came across some F/M play. F/F was something that we only saw at the vendor fair (and did in private, but that is stuff for the next post).

Much to my dismay, we didn't witness any M/M play at all. That didn't surprise me much, though, because while the Shadow Lane parties are theoretically open for any play constellations, their videos only feature M/F, F/M and F/F. So, I didn't really expect too many guys who are keen on M/M play to find their way to the party in Vegas.

In contrast to some of our friends, Ludwig and I only chatted at the suite parties and watched others play. Not because I would have felt uncomfortable playing at one of the parties, but simply because it didn't happen.

Instead, we had a little private gathering as well that night which involved rather a lot of play. This time the group featured Cate Stoker and Mr Allen, Judy and Indy. It was a very light-hearted (but much less light in terms of severity) play atmosphere and I enjoyed it a lot. But at the end of the day, not everything was settled. More precisely, I hadn't got my hands on Indy! Luckily, there was another day left...

Unfortunately, Ludwig and I already had to leave on Sunday in the early afternoon. But before that, we had a wonderful lunch with many of our old friends and the new ones we had made during the weekend, and there was much chat and laughter. At the end of the lunch, I suddenly started feeling very sad, though. I definitely didn't want to head off and leave all these lovely people behind!

Luckily, I managed to get myself under control again after a few moments, which was good because I had one last duty to fulfil. It didn't remain the only farewell spanking that happened in the last hour before our departure, though, which meant that I left with even more happy memories than expected. We had to leave as quickly as possible, though, partly because the play and chats had lasted a bit longer than planned and partly because I would have started crying otherwise.

So, how was the party? I have to say even better than I had expected. Not because of the “official” events, though, but because of the lovely people we hung out with. To my mind, Shadow Lane is a great place for meeting people one usually only has online contact with. It offers a wonderful framework for coming together with people one knows and for being introduced to new people (by those people one already knows). The party offers a possibility to play and, more importantly, to chat and have a good time.

I assume that it is more difficult if one doesn't know anyone beforehand, though. Maybe a spanking party that offers more structure and official events makes it easier to get started in that case. But of course, I am a rather introverted person and this is only my point of view. Others might have made very different experiences.

Have you ever been to one of the big public parties? Have you maybe even visited different parties and can you make comparisons? What are your experiences? Or are you still thinking about maybe visiting one of these parties one day? What are your hopes, fears and questions that you have in mind? I'm curious to know, so please feel free to write about your thoughts in the comment section!

Dreams of Spanking

2011-09-07T13:04:00.012+02:00

Ludwig has dreams of spanking. Me too. And as you all know, our dreams of spanking here at the Rohrstock-Palast are very diverse.

Sometimes, they involve classical scenarios...

… at other times, we want something more unusual.

Our dream scenarios contain varying gender constellations and roles we play...

… as well as different levels of severity.

We are not the only ones who have dreams of spanking. Someone has stepped up to make some of these dreams come true, soon. We are looking forward to the day it all will start. To find out more, please click on one of the pictures!

Kaelah's Corner (Aug 2011): Dachshunds in Space

2011-08-31T07:56:00.004+02:00

It's almost unbelievable but it's true – this is my second blogiversary! I would like to use this post to thank all of our dear readers who accompanied me on my journey. No matter whether you are a new reader of this blog, a long-time reader or someone who just comes over from time to time. Blogging without an audience is boring and it's good to have you here. A special thank you goes to all the diligent commenters and those who provide such a thoughtful input to the discussions in the comment section.

I'm not sure whether anyone still remembers my first blogiversary post, but a brief look back might bring up memories of a little let's-get-the-readers-involved operation that was started there. In short, the readers could vote for a special outfit and strokes with an implement of their choice for a small blogiversary clip.

As a result, I had to face the challenge to come up with a storyline for a clip that involved a spanking in a Star Trek outfit, consisting of two strokes with a paddle, three strokes with a flogger, nine strokes with a riding crop, eleven strokes with a switch and finally twenty-one strokes with a belt. So I did, and after quite a lot of preparation Ludwig and I filmed a little clip back in November 2010.

It took me some time to get all the post-production done (in several phases, amidst all my other work), but now I can finally proudly present to you the result of my first-ever film editing work! Of course, we didn't have any professional technical equipment and no professional set or any assistance when shooting the clip. But I think that, for a little private fun clip, the result is quite nice. And if you take a closer look, you might find out that a lot of love for detail went into it. The clip is completely in English this time, so no subtitles are necessary.

What is the storyline of the clip? Well, you'll find out when you watch it. It definitely has all the ingredients a good Star Trek fan fiction clip needs: A lot of heavy talk and a bit of action, some techno-babble (or rather, scribble), the aliens and planetary system of the week, a lot of rather stiff acting and a profound moral message.

And before anyone asks: Yes, Klingon and German accents sound quite similar! And Half-Klingon's also tend to look quite bored when they talk about their aggressive Klingon side. That doesn't mean that it isn't there, really. It's just underneath the surface, waiting to be let out... Joking aside, those of you who have read my Mind Going Blank post might recognize that there is indeed some real-life background to the premise which I have chosen.

So, I hope you'll enjoy the clip (and kindly overlook little weaknesses, especially my German accent which was quite strong on the day of the shoot). It's made for you and published for free! Just click on one of the two links below to open the page where you can download the clip. Wait for the timer to run out and then click the “Standard-Download” button on the right. Save the clip on you computer and open it with a media viewer of your choice. Attention: The high-quality version is nearly 200 MB big, so if you have a slow internet connection, it might be better to download the low quality version.

High-quality .wmv, resolution 720 x 576, 250 MB:

Rapidshare link high-quality

Low-quality .wmv, resolution 360 x 288, 97 MB:

Rapidshare link low-quality

Again, thanks a lot for being here, and please enjoy! As those who have read Ludwig's Semi-Hiatus post already know, we're on a trip to Shadow Lane. That's means we won't find the time to promote this clip on forums and alike. So, if you like the clip, feel free to recommend it to your friends. And if you don't like it, simply recommend it to people you don't like, either! Anyway, it would definitely be great if you found the time to just say hi in the comment section. Constructive criticism is of course also welcome. So long, let's see what year number three will bring!

"What Have I Done Wrong?"

2011-08-20T19:01:00.001+02:00

Thank you all for your kind comments on Ludwig's Semi-Hiatus post! As most of you might already know, I love contributions made by our dear readers and I was very happy when I recently realised that the some of the discussions in the comment section of this blog are not only between the readers and us any more, but also among the readers themselves. So, your call for shorter posts that offer a ground for more exchange of thoughts between our readers does not go unheard. Of course, I am counting on you to join in the discussion and to share your thoughts in the comment section!

I'm not only going to ask a random question, though. Instead, I'm going to tell you a little story that raised some questions which I would like to pass on to you:

As I already told you in my post Does Your Mother Know?, I have been very open about my kink once I started exploring the world of spanking. Consequently, many of my friends and several of my family members know about my kinkiness. Both Ludwig and I also came out to our parents because we wanted them to know, even though we had of course no obligation to do so. The overall reactions of friends and family members where very positive, even from those who could not imagine how it must be to have an erotic fetish. My mum even actively supported my exploration, for example by buying me a singing bowl as a gift for Ludwig's and my first-ever play.

But Ludwig and I both also came across that one question which many parents who learn about their children's kinks for the first time might ask: “What have I done wrong?” I think it is a question that can come up irrespective of the child's age. Ludwig and I were both adults when we started exploring our kink and told our parents about it, but we were of course still our parents' children! Now, one might say that the question per se is a sign of prejudice and of a lack of acceptance of different forms of sexuality. I wouldn't interpret that question in such a negative way, though.

First of all, BDSM is unusual in the sense that it only applies to a statistical minority of people. Secondly, spankos derive pleasure (in one way or another) from something that is usually seen as unpleasant and as something that should be avoided – pain. So, I find it quite understandable that parents might ask why their child has developed an erotic desire to administer and / or receive pain. To my mind, the question “What have I done wrong?” only shows that a parent who can't relate to erotic kink cares about the child and wants to make sure that the unusual erotic fetish wasn't caused by any negative childhood experiences.

I can imagine that there might also be a lot of strange thoughts rushing through a parent's mind, depending on the gender constellation and the child's kink. For example, the father of a heterosexual woman who defines herself as a bottom might worry about not having given her enough self-confidence, so that she finally fell prey to a man who controls and beats her. The mother of a heterosexual man who sees himself as a top might worry about having been too strict with him, causing a desire to hurt and control women. I guess you can find similar potential worries for every possible combination (male, female, top, bottom). Of course, none of these worries is justified for the average kinkster, but I think that it is absolutely understandable that fears like these might arise when parents are confronted with their child's kinkiness for the very first time.

I think the least fears might be caused if a child admits to being a switch, because in that case, there doesn't seem to be a one-sided desire to give or receive pain and it becomes easier to understand that it is all about fantasies and sexual desires, not about issues of hatred or a lack of self-confidence. That's why I emphasized on being a switch when I was confronted with fears and the question what my kink was all about.

Answering the question about the origin of my kinkiness was much more difficult, though. I think I'm pretty well aware of where many of my kinky fantasies come from and what I get out of them. But I don't really know why I am / have become kinky in the first place. All I know is that I had kinky fantasies long before I knew about BDSM and erotic spanking.

So, my answer was that I didn't know why I was kinky, but that I assumed that it had something to do with either a genetic predisposition or very early childhood experiences. I compared kinkiness to homosexuality and explained that no matter how it was caused, it surely didn't have anything to do with anything my parents had done wrong. And that is what I really believe. Actually, I'm convinced that my parents did a lot of things which enabled me to live the happy kinky life I'm living today.

To my mind, my parents could have done a lot of things wrong which might then have turned my life as a kinkster into misery. For instance, they could have told me that sexuality is something dirty or evil. They could have taught me that one shouldn't talk about sexual desires. They could have given me the impression that they only love me if I'm “normal”. Or they could have subjected me to real-life CP which might have made it impossible (or at least much more difficult) for me to enjoy CP in a consensual, kinky context.

My parents did none of these things. Instead, they always gave me the feeling that I could talk to them about everything that moved me, even if they should have problems understanding it. They taught me that sexuality was something positive, something that belonged to people who care about and love each other and something one can talk about without having to be ashamed. Consequently, I very rarely struggled with my kink and I am today able to live out my sexual desires without any shame or fear.

I don't know whether I was able to explain all these thoughts that clearly when the question of “What have I done wrong?” came up. I guess I didn't. But I hope that I managed to clarify that the fear of having done anything wrong was unfounded.

Nonetheless the question “Why am I kinky?” is still unsolved for me. This question usually doesn't bother me too much, because I don't see my kinkiness as positive or negative per se. To my mind, it all depends on how someone deals with and lives out their kinky desires (or how someone feels without putting these desires into practical play). That's why the question of how kink works for others and for me has always been much more important for me than the question about the origin of kink.

Still, it remains of course an interesting field for further thoughts, especially in combination with the question of events that might have triggered this special sexual desire. I don't think that we have enough knowledge to answer the question about the origin of kink, but I asked myself whether it would change anything for me if one explanation or another turned out to be true. More precisely: Would I see my kink more negatively if it turned out that kinkiness were triggered by negative (early childhood) experiences?

I'm not necessarily talking about negative experiences that are anyone's fault. For instance, some psychologists believe that complications during birth can have a strong influence on people. My birth and the first weeks of my life didn't really run very smoothly. So, what if these negative experiences made me a spanko? Would that make my kink a negative thing?

My sense of reason says no. Just because something is caused by a negative experience doesn't mean that that something has to be negative as well. For example, having been involved in a life-threatening accident can make someone live a more mindful life. I'm not so sure about my emotional response, though. Would a revelation like that really not touch my feelings towards my kink at all? I can't tell you for sure.

So, how about you? Have you ever asked yourself about the origin of your kink or have others ever asked you about it? What do you think about this question? Do you find it interesting, unimportant or perhaps even annoying? And what if kink were caused by negative experiences? Would a revelation like that change your feelings towards your kink? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section!

PS New commenters are always welcome! The more different the ideas and the more lively the discussion, the more interesting the whole thing gets for all of us. No matter how experienced you are - complete newbie or spanking veteran - you are all welcome. No one is going to bite you, I promise!

A Semi-Hiatus Announcement

2011-08-16T03:55:00.001+02:00

As you undoubtedly noticed, the blog has been less active than usual these last few months, with the number of monthly posts slowly declining from five (May) to four (June) to three (July). Kaelah and I have been very busy, and while Kaelah was able to keep the blog somewhat alive at least, I have not done a post since June 20th.

The outlook is that it will only get worse for us in the near future, in terms of being really, monumentally busy. So I think the time has come to make an official semi-hiatus announcement. "Semi-hiatus" meaning that, hopefully, we will not cease making updates altogether, but that the blog will definitely and officially be on the backburner until the end of October. We will try to write a new little post whenever we can, but we don't want to make promises we might not be able to keep, so we are not committing ourselves to anything - until the end of October, you might get three posts per month, or more, or maybe just one. We don't know yet.

We just wanted to let you gals and guys know what is going on. The good news in all this is that the cause is not lack of motivation or lack of ideas. Actually, I have more items on my idea list for the blog than ever, and while I have had phases of burnout like every blogger, right now I would love nothing more than to have more time available so that I can go back to writing something every couple of days, like in the good old times. It is the same with Kaelah. The reason for the recent lack of posts is really just a lack of time. Once Kaelah and I finish some of our current work and clear our schedule a bit, the blog will be back to normal.

It's not like there wouldn't be anything to write about, either. Before we go on our semi-hiatus, I would like to quickly bring you up to speed on recent events: Kaelah and I just came back from a shoot with SM-Circus and Pandora Blake. Pandora and the pet-fanatical Germans are dear friends, and having worked with all of them before, it was a very cheerful, laid-back experience. Kaelah and I did a cameo, playing the owners of petgirl Pandora. While the Herr Direktor and I went to have a beer, Kaelah ended up getting assaulted and spanked on her bare bottom by two vengeful, out-of-control petgirls. Such are the disadvantages of being a teatotaller, I suppose. It was a fun little scene. Pandora already wrote about her latest circus visit on her blog, and we will post a proper report about it as well when we finally have some time.

We also attended the "BDSM Day" organised by the Bundesvereinigung Sadomasochismus e.V., a German lobby group aiming to educate people about BDSM, fight against prejudice and help kinksters who become victims of discrimination. I did a video interview with Pandora about the politics of BDSM, the legal situation in the UK, fair trade porn, and so forth. It will find its way on the web eventually and we will let you know about it once it does.

Last but not least, Pandora brought Kaelah and me a copy of the raw footage from the severe caning scene we filmed for her upcoming site. It was very exciting to take a peek. As you probably know already, Pandora is currently looking at a launch date in November. Personally, I can't wait to see the site go live. The CP video scene of today could use an injection of new energy and fresh new ideas, and Pandora's site will most certainly be that.

So much for recent events. Now, first of all, Kaelah and I are going on a holiday trip. We can really use one after the frantic schedule of the last few months and before inevitably going back to the same frantic schedule again. But, even on our holiday, we will not completely stop collecting data for the blog: we are going to the annual Shadow Lane Party for the first time and do, of course, plan to write about it. However, no promises yet as to when and how much, exactly. We might be able to already post something during the trip itself, but then again, maybe not.

All bets are off until the end of October. But do keep looking in every now and then, to see how the semi-hiatus unfolds. We will do what we can.

A Miracle Whip?

2011-08-06T18:39:00.000+02:00

Magical stories are a wonderful inspiration for kinky fantasies. The Male-Male Spanking Archive, for instance, features more than 300 Harry Potter-themed stories. The great thing about magic fantasy worlds is that you can have magical implements as well. But how about the real world? Ludwig surely thought that I must have been shopping at Diagon Alley when he recently took a closer look at one of my receipts.

“What's that?” he asked me, his voice showing curiosity. “What do you mean?” - “I'm talking about this item you've bought here, young lady, a MIRACLE WHIP.” Ludwig looked at me expectantly. I smiled. “I'm sorry to disappoint you, honey, but this is a supermarket receipt and they don't sell the kind of whips you have in mind.” Actually, they don't sell any kinky items at all, except for pervertibles like hair brushes, belts or wooden spoons. “And”, I added, “two Euros would be very cheap for a real miracle whip, right?”

“Okay, what is it then?” Ludwig asked, “I already assumed that it isn't anything kinky, but I've really never heard about it.” “It's a salad cream which I use for potato and noodle salads”, I explained and brought him the still half-full jar from the refrigerator.

Well, I have to admit, I would have preferred to show Ludwig a kink-suitable miracle whip instead of Miracel Whip cream (they obviously don't even know how to spell the word miracle correctly). How would that implement look like, though? And what would it be able to do that ordinary whips can't do?

However, this little episode taught me two important lessons: 1.) My mate is indeed the kinky like-minded spirit I had always been looking for. 2.) I should invite him more often to shared cooking experiences...

Kaelah's Corner (Jul 2011): Mirror Mirror

2011-07-31T23:42:00.009+02:00

In my Kaelah's Corner post Therapy? and the follow-up post Speculative Questions I asked the rather controversial questions whether therapeutic effects explain a (smaller or bigger) part of our spanking fantasies and kinky relationships. Both posts led to a very lively discussion in the comment section. Among other things, the question came up whether it is possible to speculate about other people's experiences and motives at all and whether there is an inherent risk of being judgemental and spreading prejudices.

I absolutely agree that it is usually very difficult to know what's behind the surface. What are the motives and drives for someone's kinky fantasies? How does the dynamic of a particular kinky couple really work? As Abel's comment showed, for instance, visible factors like age differences don't necessarily tell us anything about the power dynamics in a kinky relationship. I also think that our points of view towards different forms of play and relationships depend on our personal experiences, desires and fears, and therefore can be prejudiced.

But for me that doesn't mean that one shouldn't explore these topics. On the contrary, from my point of view it calls for a more intense analysis, for a closer look both into the mirror and into the world. Which prejudices do I have? Where do they come from? And are these prejudices completely unfounded or not?

A big part of the discussion on the Therapy? post was centred around the topic of kinky relationships and especially relationships which involve a unidirectional power dynamics. I thought a lot about my own opinion about these kinds of kinky relationships and came to the conclusion that I am indeed prejudiced against them. So, I would like to take a closer look at this topic today.

I want to begin with a more detailed definition of what I mean when I'm talking about a “unidirectional power dynamics”. First of all, I'm not talking about role-play, where one person is always the top and the other always the bottom. I'm talking about relationships in which both partners have clearly defined roles which are (more or less) permanently valid, also beyond kink. Secondly, these roles have to be designed in a way that assigns one partner with a leading responsibility while the other partner has a responsibility to follow their partner's advice and/or certain rules which have been agreed upon. And third, the leading partner holds the following partner accountable for misdeeds.

Of course, Annapurna was absolutely right when he said that there are vanilla relationships with a power imbalance as well! As a matter of fact, the reason why I personally never ever want to live in a partnership with such a power dynamics and why I have such a negative gut feeling towards this form of relationship is that I have seen negative examples in vanilla partnerships, especially in the generation of my parents and grandparents.

Luckily, there were other examples even in my grandparents' generation as well. While my grandfather and grandmother on one side of the family lived the “classical” life of working man and housewife, there never was a unidirectional power dynamics between them. When my grandmother unexpectedly got very ill, my grandfather took over at home and cared for her for many years until she passed away. He also was the one who cooked when I visited my grandparents as a child.

I've seen women, though, who were not only emotionally dependent on their partners, but who also depended on them financially. These women couldn't leave their husbands even if the relationship developed in a bad direction, because they neither had the financial background nor the self-confidence to lead a self-dependent life. And there were some people, women as well as men, who were completely helpless when their partner became ill or, even worse, died. The women because some of them didn't even know how a simple bank transfer worked and the men because some of them didn't know how to cook the most simple meal or how to switch on the washing machine.

So, this is where my prejudices against relationships with a power imbalance come from. The question is, do the risks and possible negative outcomes which I have observed in the vanilla world apply to kinky relationships with a unidirectional power dynamics as well?

In the discussion on my post Therapy?, the question was raised whether bottoms who are living in such a relationship would be helpless without their partner. I don't think that most of the people who are engaged in a kinky partnership with a unidirectional power dynamics would be unable to care for themselves if they hadn't got their partner. But I'm of the opinion that the relationship makes life easier, which can be a good thing but also a bad thing, depending on how the people involved really use their relationship. From my point of view there can be two general ways of using a unidirectional power dynamics in a kinky relationship:

If "girls" / "boys" / submissives use the relationship to grow from it and to build up self-confidence through the knowledge that they have a daddy / mummy / master / mistress or HOH who loves and bolsters them, I consider that to be a good thing. And if the top gets something out of helping her or his partner to grow, I think that's a good thing as well.

There is another possible way of using that kind of power dynamics, though, and that is the form that comes close to what I have experienced in the vanilla world and feel highly uncomfortable about. What I'm talking about is the combination of a bottom who doesn't want to grow up at all and a top who doesn't want a grown-up, equal partner, either. To my mind, this form of relationship is very unhealthy and can lead to quite horrible situations similar to the ones I've described above. I assume that this is also the form of relationship Bogey (of Our Bottoms Burn) had in mind when he admitted to having prejudices against daddy - girl relationships.

I'm not sure how many kinky relationships are that extreme, though. That's why I'm more careful with being judgemental about kinky relationships with a unidirectional power dynamics in general. But some of the relationships I know about in our community seem to fall somewhere in between the two forms of relationships which I have described, and I think that some of them show a worrying tendency towards the latter, potentially unhealthy form.

Interestingly, there seem to be other people out there who have made similar observations of what they consider unhealthy kinky relationships. While Bogey and, to a certain extent, Georgia openly admitted to having negative gut feelings towards kinky relationships with a permanent power imbalance, private feedback showed that there seem to be more people who have made experiences with relationships of this form which they found problematic. But they would rather talk about it in private than in public.

Obviously, there is a fear of generalising and of hurting people when talking openly about this subject. But while I absolutely agree that one must be careful not to make generalisations and not to judge others based on isolated experiences or mere gut feelings (this isn't about judging people, it's a critical discussion about lifestyle choices, anyway), I find it a bit sad that a completely open and honest discussion about this topic doesn't seem to be possible in our community. And I have to admit that it also leaves me with the feeling that there might be some truth to the assumption that there is not only a fair number of relationships with a unidirectional power dynamics in our community, but that a certain percentage of them really constitutes the potentially unhealthy kind which can prevent people from growing instead of helping them to grow.

Just to make that clear, I'm only talking about my personal opinion towards certain aspects here and the question of how I evaluate a certain way of life. Growth and self-reliance are very important to me (for me they are essential parts of life as a responsible adult) and I prefer to be among people who stand up for themselves.

But others might have very different needs than I have and everyone is of course entitled to their own lifestyle! However someone chooses to live their life or not, and regardless of how happy or unhappy it makes them or how well it works or doesn't work for them - it is their own decision and I wouldn't want to tell anyone how to live their life as long as their choices don't affect me.

That being said, I do take the freedom to voice critical thoughts about possible pros and cons of different lifestyles, in a careful and respectful way. And I sometimes wish that there would be more open and controversial discussions out there in our community, because I think we can learn from them. Even if it's just gaining a better understanding of our personal prejudices and where they are coming from. To my mind open discussions usually do more than that - they can lead to more balanced opinions and the reduction of generalized prejudices. As long as the participants of the discussion listen to each other, that is.

Of course there is a certain point where people shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they want to do, though. In her comment on my Therapy? post, Indy raised the question how often kink is used to cover real abuse. I think that there can indeed be a very thin line between consensual kinky play and situations where someone doesn't really have the freedom of choice that is a necessary precondition for consent. But that is an important topic of its own which clearly deserves a separate post.

Mastering The Cane

2011-07-24T23:37:00.001+02:00

(Unfortunately I can't post pictures from the

original scene. This was my outfit, though.)

In my last post Mind Going Blank I wrote about a recent scene that didn't go as planned due to me having been in a rather angry and moody state of mind. Of course these things can happen when strong emotions are taking over during a scene. I don't know about your experiences, but being in an emotional state can also be a driver that makes me crave spanking and sex, though. So, being in a rather emotional mindset can have its positive sides as well. To my mind it is a matter of how strong these emotions are. When I'm in a completely moody state or the stress factor is really high, my desire for kinky play and sex decreases. As long as the stress and the emotions are still manageable, though, they can lead to an even bigger desire for spanking and sexual pleasure than usual.

Depending on the situation and the mood I'm in, the cravings can be very diverse. Sometimes I simply long for diving deeply into the joys of pure sexual pleasure. At other times I crave a sensual stress relief spanking. Or I just want to give up control for a little while and focus on what Ludwig does to me and the images it creates in my head.

This time it was different, though. This time I was in the mood for taking over control, for being on top. I'm not sure whether my toppy mood had something to do with the fact that my own pain threshold was so low that it was difficult to play on the bottom side. I assume that it had something to do with the anger that was brewing inside me beyond the surface and the feeling of not being in control of the things that determined my current life. What I sought was a positive counter-experience. Ludwig told me that being slightly angry or annoyed can put him in a very toppy mood, as long as the emotions aren't too strong (if you are really angry, you should not top, obviously). The same seems to be true for me.

I had been teasing Ludwig the whole weekend, slapping and squeezing his bottom whenever I got the chance to do so. Now, as you all know, Ludwig is predominantly a top who only switches on rare occasions. But when I'm in a genuinely toppy mood, the idea of bottoming sometimes develops a certain appeal for Ludwig as well. Which was exactly what happened this time. So, he agreed to take a severe 20 strokes caning from me, simply to let me practice the wielding of that implement.

I only had the chance to cane Ludwig once, so far. At that time my technique only allowed me a medium high severity level, not because of the accuracy (which was always fine) but because I only managed to reach a certain maximum velocity. Since then I had practised a lot, though, and changed my technique so that it enabled me to hit harder.

For video clips Ludwig has been caned twice, one time by Niki Flynn and a second time by Leia-Ann Woods. When we shot the football bet clip with Leia-Ann, Ludwig and I agreed that I would only be her co-top for the back-whipping and not for the caning, because I wasn't experienced enough with the cane. Ludwig thinks about doing one last very severe caning on camera, though, and as you can imagine, I want to be the one who administers it. But, since we usually don't play with others and since Ludwig doesn't want to switch regularly, I won't get the chance to practise very often. Which means that my only chance is to be a fast learner.

So, when Ludwig agreed on letting me cane him, this was my chance to see whether I could do it. Pandora wrote a wonderful post about a shoot for Spanked in Uniform in which she got to cane the beautiful Amelia-Jane Rutherford. In that post Pandora wrote about the experience of wielding the cane: Topping or bottoming, I’m confident with the cane. […] That confidence carries over when I’m the one wielding it. I love practising my skills, the rush of delight at a stroke well delivered. It feels a bit like showing off, but in the best possible way.

Even though I'm not as confident with the cane as Pandora when I'm on the receiving end, it is my number one choice as a top. Two important reasons for that are the elegance of the cane and the beautiful marks that it produces, the main reasons why I like being caned as well, even though I don't like the kind of pain that canes produce. Another important reason is that a cane needs skill to be wielded accurately and the idea of mastering this difficult implement and being a safe caner is a very attractive and powerful one. Last but not least, the cane is Ludwig's number one implement of choice, on the giving as well as on the receiving end. And that increases the appeal of using it on him even more.

I refrained from topping Ludwig as long as I didn't feel relaxed enough, but after we had talked a lot of things through on that weekend and my emotions had calmed down, I reminded him of his offer. I knew exactly how I wanted Ludwig to be positioned during the spanking and prepared the room accordingly. Knowing that this would be a rare opportunity, I also decided to set up a camera for a private little clip. Unfortunately I had only one camera available, so I decided for a perspective that would allow me to see the developing marks as well as at least Ludwig's physical reactions and to analyse my caning technique.

I hadn't practised for a while and so I did a few test strokes. I didn't have much space but it worked. The sound of the cane striking my training blanket echoed through the room and I was quite happy with my accuracy as well. But the question remained: Would I be self-confident and accurate enough to administer a severe but safe caning to Ludwig? For some reason I didn't really doubt that and so I went to the bedroom in order to change into fitting clothes for the scene.

Then I called Ludwig and told him to take a position on all fours over the whipping bench, completely naked. He did as he was told. I caressed his back and then took my position on his left. I took a safe stand, aimed, drew back my arm and the first stroke landed on Ludwig's bottom with a crack. The stroke was on target. And it elicited a nice, very restrained by still audible reaction from Ludwig. A second stroke followed. Both strokes hadn't been soft, but not too severe, either. The third one was harder. I took a look at the first results of my handiwork. Three accurate lines so far. The last one ended a little bit closer to Ludwig's right hip than the previous two because of the higher velocity. I decided to take a little step back, not wanting the strokes to wrap around Ludwig's hip.

And then I laid down stroke after stroke, taking a break from time to time in order to admire my handiwork. Some of the next strokes went a bit high. They were still on Ludwig's bottom, which was why I thought at first that they were still on target. But they had landed on the upper part of Ludwig's bottom, which involved a theoretical risk of hitting the spine, at least in the position Ludwig had taken. Not one of them caused any unintended damage, but after Ludwig's feedback I decided to aim a bit lower. I didn't want to hit the legs, but it was still better to take the risk of hitting too low than taking the risk of hitting too high.

Since the scene was designed as a training session, I didn't do much in terms of psychological topping. But I tried several little things like varying the speed and teasing Ludwig that it was his own fault that the caning was more severe than the previous one he had received from me, since it had been him who had told me to practise. Watching stripe after stripe appear on Ludwig's bottom was a wonderful and satisfying experience. And I enjoyed his beautiful reactions. They were restrained but still visible and audible. It was obvious that Ludwig was indeed feeling the strokes and that they challenged him, though he stayed of course on top.

After an especially hard last stroke the caning was over. When I inspected the marks, running my fingers over the welts on Ludwig's bottom, I felt very happy. The marks were beautiful and the feeling of being able to administer a caning at such a severity level so accurately and safely was very satisfying. I know that I'm a very lucky woman, having a partner who from time to time sacrifices his bottom for me. Ludwig didn't enjoy the pain of the caning itself, but I hope that he can appreciate the resulting pictures and our private little clip at least half as much as I do!

Mind Going Blank

2011-07-13T20:41:00.002+02:00

My last long weekend with Ludwig featured a lot more spanking action than usual. Unfortunately, I am in a quite vulnerable and aggressive mood at the moment, having a lot of dark and scary thoughts on my mind. In addition to that, or maybe because of that, my pain threshold is very low as well. And so, two out of three scenes sadly didn't go all that well.

I am going to tell you about one of them today. This is a highly emotional and very personal account. I'm curious to hear about your experiences and thoughts, but please be careful with uttering judgements. I think it is wrong to create the impression that spanking play always goes smoothly, though. Sometimes there are a lot of emotions involved, sometimes one finds out during a scene that one is in the wrong mood and sometimes landmines are hit. It happens, it is part of TTWD and to my mind talking about it openly and honestly is the best way of dealing with it. So here it goes:

When the scene started, Ludwig and I had already spent some spanking-free days together and I was really looking forward to getting spanked. Ludwig and I hadn't talked about a scenario for the spanking, he just ordered me to bring him a short OTK-suitable cane and drape myself over his lap on the bed. When the short cane that I found first was the peeled one, I knew that this one would most probably feel worse than the unpeeled one we have.

I have a very ambiguous relationship with canes in general and with peeled ones in particular. Pandora wrote a wonderful post about how great a caning can be if one manages to ride the waves of pain, but how easily one can loose one's grip and drown as well. I love canes for their elegance and the accurate marks they produce. But I hate (and I mean hate, not love-hate) the stingy kind of pain which is the trademark of especially the peeled specimen. Interestingly, severity is not really the point here.

Depending on my condition and the warm-up (if there was one at all), a medium-severe caning can feel as bad as or even worse than a very severe one because the pain is even more stingy. That's why while having made several wonderful experiences with canes there have also been some where I nearly or actually drowned and didn't enjoy the scene very much. And as our more regular readers know, I'm not one of those people who love the feeling of having been caned even if they hated the caning itself. When I feel pushed beyond my limits during a scene, the bad feeling remains.

I didn't want to delay the spanking by searching for our short unpeeled cane, though, and I didn't really see a reason for avoiding the peeled one (after all, my last experience with it had been great), so I grabbed it, handed it over to Ludwig and draped myself across his knee. He started out with a hand spanking and I drifted a bit into one of my favourite fantasy characters and scenarios, a young male goody-two-shoes navy cadet being spanked by the strict but caring commander for having unintentionally broken the rules. But Ludwig had something different in mind.

One outcome of my recent mood had been that I had been very critical of Ludwig's efforts of proofreading my PhD thesis and of helping me with emotional support and suggestions on how to deal with some unexpected changes and new requirements. We are ticking quite differently in some aspects, so Ludwig's ideas of how to handle a certain situation don't always work for me. But my moody state had disabled me to tell Ludwig calmly what I needed. Instead, I had closed down and become quite aggressive. Several days earlier I had told Ludwig that we could probably use that situation for a scene in which he might be able to release some of his frustration and I might be able to let go.

I knew that this would be very thin ice, though, since I'm not into real-life DD and the idea of a spanking under the premise that Ludwig or anyone else might really think that I “deserve” it is a complete turn-off and no-go area. For me, spanking is just consensual erotic play. Nothing more and nothing less. If it can also be used for relaxation or as a kind of make-up sex that helps Ludwig and me to bond again, great. But for me, there is no such thing as a deserved spanking among adults.

Ludwig decided to take the challenge to integrate the current situation into our play, though, and started talking about my recent unkind reactions on his tries to support me. He switched to the cane. The strokes were only medium-severe, but totally unbearable for me. I wasn't prepared for this and instantly started to cry, gripping my hands into the duvet. Ludwig looked after me and suggested that it might be good for me to cry a bit and to release some pressure. At that time I agreed with him. I usually don't use spankings for a cathartic cry, but I had done so once and it had worked well.

Ludwig assumed that only a caning would enable me to cry further, that a hand spanking wasn't severe enough for that purpose. I told him that a hand spanking might work as well, once I was in the right mood (it did the last time). But he decided to stick with the cane. The feeling that this was too much for me increased and I was instantly crying again, plus wriggling and kicking. I pressed my face into the mattress and grabbed the duvet with both hands. Ludwig stopped again after a short time. I was silent, crying and not looking at him. Ludwig told me that I really had my ways of making his anger fade, that he couldn't be angry any more when he saw me like that. I answered that this hadn't be my intention at all and that I wasn't a good enough actor to do something like that on purpose.

Maybe I should have stopped the scene right at that point but I was already quite confused by now and of course I didn't want to ruin the scene or look like I wanted to back out. The thing was that I didn't cry because I felt sorry for my recent rude behaviour towards Ludwig. I cried because the spanking felt unbearable and because it brought up very dark thoughts and aggressions. I already had been in a state of anger the days before but hadn't really let it out.

Ludwig of course didn't know about the storm that was brewing and continued with the caning. He lectured me (in character but with the background that he had really been annoyed) that this might help me to remember not to be so rude to him the next time he wanted to help me. Around that point I completely lost my grip and drowned. The severity of the caning (which left only very few marks that were still visible the next day) felt completely over the top and it felt unjustified and wrong. A wave of anger, frustration and fear came up and my mind went blank. I got stiff, I was crying again, wriggling and kicking, but I neither tried to get away, nor did I say a word.

Ludwig realised that something was going wrong. He tried to remind me that using these real-life incidents as a premise for a spanking hadn't been his idea (and that therefore I didn't have to be scared that he really thought I deserved a spanking). So, he asked me whether I remembered that I had come up with that idea. I should have answered him that this was true, but that it wasn't working this way because the spanking was more than I could bear and therefore the scene felt like a real beating and not like consensual kinky make-up sex any more. I should have told him that I couldn't feel sorry for my behaviour right now because new things had come up and I was angry and scared. But my mind was completely blank and I didn't manage to answer at all. Ludwig asked me whether I had lost my voice and I silently nodded.

Still Ludwig assumed that crying would be a cathartic experience for me, since I had told him so at the beginning. A few strokes later I was crying heavily again, though, and Ludwig made a new try to find out what was wrong. He asked me whether I was afraid that he wouldn't love me any more because he had been angry, and reassured me that this wasn't the case. Unfortunately, this didn't work either, because a little voice in my head screamed: “I don't give a damn whether you are angry upon me or not because I'm f***ing angry and I'm f***ing scared because of these dark thoughts that have flooded my mind!”

After some more strokes Ludwig decided to stop. He softly touched me, having come to the conclusion that the scene didn't really work for me at that time and that care and pleasure might help me more than pain. But when he tried to caress me at more intimate places, I shook my head. Ludwig's comment that he liked that OTK cane because he was able to provoke stronger reactions with it without having to beat me severely and causing too many marks didn't lighten my mood, either. Ludwig invited me to cuddle up to him and to lay my head on his chest. I did so, but not without snapping at him that he didn't get what was going on. Ludwig became very sad: “Okay, what have I done wrong this time?”

I couldn't answer him. My mind was blank again. So, we lay there silently side-by-side for a long time. My thoughts became darker and darker, but I couldn't give a clear rational explanation of what was going on. And I was deeply scared of saying a wrong word, scared of loosing my partner when telling him about my fears and doubts, but also scared of lying to him when trying to downplay my state of mind. After a while I managed to talk about my fears about the future and how they dominated and scared me and made it nearly impossible to think clearly and to know what I felt. When Ludwig asked me whether I still loved and wanted him, I broke down, repeating again and again that I didn't want to loose him.

Ludwig held me and calmed me down and now I really felt the catharsis of having let it all out. And there was indeed also pleasure a bit later for both of us, mine including a few strokes with the riding crop which I appreciated very much.

Of course strong (and not completely unfound) fears about the future aren't something that can be solved in one day. It takes time to see where they really come from, what they tell us (because fears are a good alarm system that tells us a lot about our needs) and what course of action they imply. I had a light bulb moment a few days ago and now understand a bit better what is going on with me. That doesn't mean that (Ludwig and) I have a solution, yet, but at least the whole situation isn't so scary any more for the INTJ-me. I just wished I would already have been able to communicate my state of mind better during the spanking because then the scene might have turned out differently.

Kaelah's Corner (Jun 2011): Get In The Ring

2011-06-30T22:17:00.001+02:00

In my last post Speculative Questions I told you how important it is for me to discuss controversial questions openly in our community and to talk not only about the positive experiences but about negative things and even prejudices as well. The important preconditions for fruitful discussions like that are of course a certain awareness of one's own prejudices and where they come from, a clear distinction between personal preferences and moral issues, and generally a careful and respectful approach when exploring controversial topics.

Originally I had planned to start such a discussion today, but a horrid example of how NOT to approach sensitive topics got in the way. In his post A rant. But justifiable, I think. Abel wrote about an article he had come across at The Independent. It is about a murder of a 13-year-old girl by a violent rapist. In court, the defense (trying to create an alternative explanation for the disappearance of the girl) questioned the father of the 13-year-old victim in detail about his sexual preferences because he possessed fetish pornography and BDSM equipment.

The author of the article, Joan Smith, justified the treatment of the victim's family, claiming: […] it is hard to see why possession of such material by the father of two teenage daughters should ever be treated as an entirely private matter. Looking at extreme pornography and acquiring restraints for use during sex are worrying behaviours, and it isn't hard to imagine circumstances – a custody battle, for example – in which they might even be interpreted as potentially abusive. Indeed, what is so extraordinary about the outpouring of sympathy for Bob Dowler [the victim's father] is that so many commentators have been willing to overlook what this might imply about his feelings towards women […]

So, every man looking at fetish porn and owning some bondage gear is probably a rapist and / or murderer? I don't think that I need to tell any of our readers what complete nonsense Ms Smith's assumptions are. But I believe that it is very important to not only write about prejudiced articles here in the kinky community where everybody agrees anyway, it is even more important to stand up against prejudiced accusations in the “vanilla world”. That's why I followed Abel's example and posted a comment in the comment section of the original article, and so did Ludwig. Here is what I wrote:

Dear Ms Smith,

the murder of a child is one of the most horrible things that one can think of. So, in my opinion, abusing an article about such a horrible and highly emotional case to spread your bigoted ideas of sexuality and raise prejudices against people who have certain sexual preferences is highly disrespectful and disgusting.

It is common scientific knowledge that being into BDSM is a sexual preference that is unusual in the sense that it applies only to a statistical minority of people, but not in any way abnormal in the sense of being sick or dangerous. Your comment on what Mr Dowler's preference for BDSM “might imply about his feelings towards women” shows that you clearly have no informed opinion about the subject at all. Your vague accusations not only defame men who are into BDSM, they are also extremely rude and patronizing towards women who live in a relationship that involves BDSM play.

I am into BDSM and I live in a very happy relationship with a like-minded partner. From my experience, BDSM play requires not only a high degree of respect, but also a very high amount of trust. Our partnership is based on equality, love, openness, honesty, respect and trust. And, before any other prejudices come up: I am a well-educated, self-reliant and independent woman with a successful professional career. So, I am in no way dependent on my partner.

Last but not least I would like to add that I'm very glad to see that Ms Smith's prejudices don't seem to be shared by the majority of the commenters. It's good to see that it doesn't seem to be so easy any more to use emotional topics in order to instigate hatred against minorities.

It was indeed good to see that most of the commenters, in contrast to Ms Smith, knew the difference between consensual erotic practises on the one and violence and murder on the other side. But I think that it would be great to have more intelligent comments from people who have insights into BDSM play. So, please, if you can find the time, write a short comment on Ms Smith's article. And of course you are very welcome to repost your comments or write additional ones here as well.

Speculative Questions

2011-06-27T22:30:00.002+02:00

In my last Kaelah's Corner post Therapy? I asked the controversial questions whether therapeutic effects explain a (smaller or bigger) part of our spanking fantasies and form of kinky relationships and whether certain experiences and patterns are more common in the kinky community than in society as a whole.

The reason for these questions was that I had come across several very different observations that had made me wonder, because they fell into one of the following two categories: The first types of observations were evidence or descriptions of negative experiences, especially physical self-harm and different forms of neglect or abuse during childhood, which I came across several times in our community but with which I had been confronted much less often in my vanilla environment. The second types of observations were about different forms of kinky partnerships which all seemed to incorporate a unidirectional power dynamics, something that I have experienced in my vanilla life as being rather negative for the people involved, but which didn't seem to be seen (or at least discussed) critically in our kinky community.

I'm always interested to learn about how kink, kinky play and kinky relationships work for others and how they work for me. And I always try to understand where the various forms of play and relationships come from and what people are getting out of them. So the observations which I had made raised many questions.

Concerning the first category of observations, I asked myself why I seemed to come across these things more often in the kinky community than in my vanilla environment. Now, as Indy pointed out in her comment on my original post, it is difficult to compare one's vanilla environment with the part of the kinky environment one is engaged in. And we all know only a small subgroup of kinksters. Ludwig and I are mostly active in certain parts of the online community and we know a few people from the local community as well. So, maybe the different experiences that I had made in the kinky community and in my vanilla community were just based on the general differences between the kinky and vanilla people I knew? Or maybe I had heard more about these things in the kinky community because there was a higher degree of openness about them among kinksters? I wasn't sure about any of these ideas and that's why I decided to ask the readers about their observations and experiences.

I was even more unsure about the question whether childhood experiences or experiences with self-harm could also affect one's kinky play and if so, in which way. I had seen people who had obviously made experiences with self-harm but didn't seem to practise it any more. There were statements of people who wrote about how they made experiences in their kink which they had missed during their childhood, like feeling guided or cared for. I had also made the observation that my personal kinky fantasies often seemed to be positive counterparts to negative experiences which I had made and to my insecurities, and that my spanking play empowered me.

That's why I had the idea that kinky play and kinky relationships could maybe be used in the same positive way concerning others' negative experiences and resulting insecurities. Hence my “therapy”-hypothesis. Ludwig emphasized on a very important point in his comment: Using spanking as a form of self-therapy obviously doesn't have to be a bad thing. I'm not sure whether I pointed this out clearly enough in my original post, but I hope that the symbolic picture which I had taken for the post already showed it.

On the other hand, I also made some negative obvservations which gave me cause for concern. I knew people who had made negative experiences earlier in their lives and then got hurt in their spanking play as well. And I came across people who stopped certain forms of kinky play, claiming that these had been based on self-destructive tendencies and therefore dangerous for them. So, I came up with my last question: Could kinky play be unhealthy as well, and under which circumstances?

I know that the question of kink and health is a sensitive question, but from my point of view it is also a necessary and important one. And I think that one can make assumptions about what might or might not be healthy and under which circumstances, especially if these assumptions are based on actual statements of people who have experienced certain situations which they later considered either as healthy or unhealthy for themselves.

The questions concerning the second category of observations were quite similar. Again I asked myself whether there were really more partnerships with a unidirectional power dynamics in our kinky community than in society as a whole. If so, what did they give those who were involved in them and in which positive ways could they be used? And, last but not least, were there similar downsides as the ones which I had experienced with the people in my vanilla environment?

Pandora commented that asking about motives for kink and motivations in kinky relationships insinuated that kink was abnormal, and that speculating about others' motives especially in combination with the question of healthiness was rude and patronising. I can see where Pandora is coming from and I agree that certain questions can be loaded.

Now first of all, the intention of my post was not to ask why someone is / became kinky. It was about how people use kinky play and why some people's kinky fantasies might be different from others. But frankly, I wouldn't mind asking about why people are kinky in the first place as well. Because for me being kinky is neither good nor bad, it is just a sexual preference which is unusual in the sense that it applies only to a statistical minority of people. I don't know why I am kinky and I think it wouldn't make a big difference if I knew, but I am curious and I wouldn't mind exploring the subject.

I agree with Pandora that one must be very careful when exploring subjects like these. But I don't think that declaring certain questions a taboo area can ever be a good thing. When I wrote my Kaelah's Corner post, I tried to be very careful by always talking about my personal observations and how things seemed to me, rather than making blunt assertions. And I openly asked whether others had made different experiences which contradicted mine.

I am aware that it is difficult to speculate about other people's motives and about the power dynamics between others, and that one should be careful about making generalisations. As Abel pointed out, there are all kinds of kinky people and kinky relationships and there is a lot of variety. But first of all, I think that understanding other people's motives is essential for human beings, and secondly, to my mind, it is possible to make well-founded assumptions based on what people have said about themselves in combination with observable behaviour. These assumptions can then be used for asking others about their opinions and experiences and learning from them.

I have to admit that I am very critical about any form of restriction of freedom of speech, especially when it is said that certain questions should not be raised because these questions could be used to portray the community or society which they concern in a negative way. To my mind, asking a question can never be as dangerous (as long as it is a real question and as long as it is asked carefully) as prohibiting open discussion.

I also don't think that asking questions causes prejudices. Rather, I think that it gives us the chance to diminish them. After all, if different points of view are mentioned openly and honestly, people have a chance to learn about them and to adjust their point of view in case they come across arguments they hadn't thought of. That is why, to my mind, it can even be very useful to talk about one's prejudices and where they come from. I'll do so in my next Kaelah's Corner post which will focus on the power dynamics of kinky relationships, because that was the topic that led to the most vivid discussion after my last post.

Today, I would like to close with some thoughts about the topic of physical self-harm, though, because the comments on my last post made me look at this aspect from a completely new perspective. My personal assumption about kink and physical self-harm had been that the explanation why I had been confronted with that topic more often in the kinky community than in my vanilla environment was at least partly based on the general difference between the kinky and the vanilla people whom I know and a certain openness about these things in the kinky community.

I wasn't sure whether there was any further correlation between self-harm and kink at all. The only idea that I had was that spanking might cause a similar feeling of relief as self-harm and that it therefore could possibly be used as a healthy substitute for self-harming activities. Georgia's comment seemed to support that idea because she pointed out that while from her experience self-harm and kink were based on very different desires, she could achieve the same kind of high and relaxation from both of them.

Pandora's and Prefectdt's comments then gave a for me completely unexpected explanation for a possible correlation between kink and self-harm. Pandora wrote about having used self-harm as a child, when she didn't know how to interpret her erotic masochistic desires, yet. And Prefectdt had tried self-harm as a substitute at times when he didn't have the possibility to share spanking play with others. It didn't work in his case which Prefectdt traced back to the difference between the male and the female body chemicals. I'm not sure about this additional idea, but to my mind it might also have to do with the fact that the important part of sharing the experience was missing?!

Of course, these are just isolated personal experiences which don't allow any general conclusions. But I found these comments very interesting nonetheless. Although I had of course come across the topic of self-spanking, it never occurred to me that some self-harming experiences in the kinky community could be results of attempts to substitute erotic spanking experiences!

In my view, the chance of getting new ideas and insights like this one is worth the risk of writing about controversial topics / observations and the questions they raise. And I would like to thank everyone who shared their thoughts and personal experiences so openly and honestly. Of course your thoughts about today's topic are very welcome as well!

Shopping for Whips

2011-06-20T19:10:00.000+02:00

(With our new toys. Kaelah also bought a corset.)

A month ago, Kaelah and I visited the annual BoundCon fetish convention here in Munich. My last extended visit to the convention had been back in 2008. We only stayed for an hour or so the next year because I was ill, and in 2010 we were not in town at the time. So this really was the first opportunity to go in some years. We used it to say hello to our friends from SM-Circus, who had their own booth at BoundCon as they do every year, and to do a bit of shopping. I will write more about the current state of the circus in my next post and tell you about the shopping today.

As an opening remark, a bit of self-demystification: my spanking implement collection is much smaller than most of you probably think it is. It can't even begin to compete with the treasure troves of some of the true hoarders out there, like Abel and Haron, for instance. I have a pretty decent collection of canes, but not much else. One crop, one (leather) paddle, and until BoundCon 2011, one flogger - that's it. Actually, the collection is quite sufficient for what Kaelah and I are doing most of the time. Add the ever-versatile hand as an implement, and maybe a switch from the outdoors, and you can do a fairly elaborate scene in terms of the spanking instruments used. But we had both been yearning for a bit more variety lately, and BoundCon was a good place to look.

Kaelah, in particular, finally wanted to have a "nice flogger" in our collection. The only one we had so far, a wicked little thing with a metal handle and heavy rubber tails, is anything but nice. Many are the times when Kaelah wrote here about how much she hates that implement, to my considerable mirth, and yours too, no doubt. But lest we forget, she got her revenge by using it on me during the still-to-be-published FF/M scene we did with Leia-Ann Woods, drawing a little bit of blood in the process. Also during that scene, we got to try out some of Leia-Ann's implements on the side, including one flogger which Kaelah liked a lot: larger than ours, but with softer tails, it literally made her purr. She wanted one just like that!

We found it at BoundCon. Perhaps not exactly the same model we tried out at Leia-Ann's, but very similar. A few lashes on Kaelah's clothed bottom and back convinced her that this was the nice flogger she had been looking for - the advantage of shopping at a kinky convention (instead of, say, a shop for riding equipment) is that you can try out implements on your partner without raising an eyebrow. I like the flogger a lot myself. It is heavy enough to produce a non-trivial amount of pain when used hard, but without being as brutal as the "nasty" one, so it is ideally suited for spankings of light to medium severity and for longer, sensuous whipping of various parts of the body. Kaelah already wrote about one scene where we used it under the apt title Kinky Wellness Session.

We also bought a single tail whip at BoundCon, which was my wish. I would say that single tails are my favourite implements aside from canes. As with canes, they are perfect for judicial-type scenes, they have a similar "aura" and I just love the marks they produce. So it might seem surprising that I never owned a single tail until now. But they are difficult to use, even more so than canes, and I obviously would not want to use one without feeling perfectly safe with it. In my first years as a top, my main focus in regards to implements was on mastering the cane. You can see the progress I made when you compare my performance in The German Lesson (not exactly crap, but still rather hit and miss) with the later caning scenes I did with Kaelah or as a guest top at Mood (not a stray stroke, despite the much higher severity). Now that I feel reasonably proficient with the cane, I am ready to take on a new challenge, so I finally got myself a single tail.

I chose a short species of single tail, some 90 cm (3 feet) in length. A bullwhip would have been too ambitious a challenge to start with, and besides, I would not even know where to practice with such a monster at the present time - certainly not indoors. The 3 foot single tail is already fairly tricky to handle and hurts like hell. I only really see us using it in video clips or in rare, special scenes in private, because the pain and the marks it produces are considerable higher than what you aim for in casual play.

If you feel like it, leave a comment and tell us about your own implement collection. How big is it and which items are you most infatuated with? Did you obtain any exciting additions lately?

Kinky Wellness Session

2011-06-04T23:37:00.000+02:00

The recent weeks have been rather stressful and it looks like our life is going to stay like that for quite a while. But luckily sometimes there is room for some relaxation as well. On a particularly stressful day Ludwig promised me a little wellness session before bedtime. I had a meeting on a very dry subject that evening which of course lasted longer than originally planned. So, I was already quite tired when I arrived back home, but still looking forward to what Ludwig had in store for me.

In the bedroom Ludwig told me to strip, to position myself at the end of the bed and to bend over. I eagerly did as he had told me. Ludwig started juggling with numbers, threatening me with the perspective of a very intense spanking. His idea was to give me a square number of strokes, using x implements and giving me x strokes with each of them. I think the number he threatened me with was 33 implements and 33 strokes with each of them.

The only problem: To me his threat rather sounded like a wonderful promise. Yep, I know, I'm a very sick girl... The only thing I wondered was whether we would find 33 different implements. But I guess if we had used all the pervertibles that one can find in the kitchen, bath room and cellar, it would have been possible to reach that number. Although this would most probably have meant using all the different canes we have...

Well, after having realised that 33 squared is more than 1,000, Ludwig refrained from his plan, anyway. After all, this was supposed to be a “nice” spanking. So, he simply started out with a handspanking instead, followed by a flogging. Yes, we finally own a “nice” flogger! We bought it at the BounCon convention a few weeks ago (report will follow soon). I melted under the strokes that rained down on my back and my bottom and could have gone on forever. But Ludwig decided to change from spanking to different forms of touch instead. That man definitely knows how to touch me and how to bring me to wonderful highs! Afterwards, he allowed me to get out of position, and I collapsed on the bed.

But it wasn't over, yet. I was rubbed in with massage oil and Ludwig gave me a heavenly massage. While my reactions during spankings are usually rather restrained, I can become quite vocal during a massage or a tickling / gentle scratching. If I were a millionaire, I would definitely spend money on regular massages! And why haven't I ever seen any adverts from professional ticklers / scratchers? I'm sure there must be other people in this universe who enjoy tickling / gentle scratching as much as I do?! Well, or maybe all of these people have great partners like Ludwig and therefore don't need a professional tickler / scratcher?

However, I was melting under Ludwig's hands and drifted away into la la land. When he was done, Ludwig looked at my naked body which still shimmered from the massage oil. “This would be a good time for a caning”, he said, “the oil makes the skin very soft which means that it doesn't break that easily.” I turned around and gave Ludwig a very approving look, probably accompanied by some encouraging sound. His facial expression showed a bit of surprise. “You don't really want to be caned, do you?” he asked in a mildly incredulous tone of voice.

Obviously my reaction convinced him that I indeed wanted to be caned, though, because he ordered me to stand up and go back into position. I didn't know whether it really was a good idea to ask for a caning, but I simply followed my instincts which told me that I wanted more. Ludwig chose a short, 8 mm thick peeled cane. It was clear that these wouldn't be love taps, actually Ludwig never hands out mere love taps with the cane.

Luckily, the strokes were only medium severe (on the “Ludwig severity scale”), though. But the warm-up from the earlier spanking had already faded and so – surprise, surprise – it hurt! I had no intention to be super-tough that day and showed my discomfort through wincing, hissing and also some moaning. So I guess that Ludwig at least had some sadistic joy that evening. He mercifully decided to make it only six of the best, though. After he had allowed me to get up, I looked into the mirror. Appreciating the red stripes on my bottom, I knew that the final six cane strokes had been exactly the right completion for my kinky wellness session.

Relaxed and happy I went to bed. We took a few pictures of my striped bottom and then switched off the lights and cuddled up to each other. Unfortunately, my whole good mood was completely destroyed the next day, but at least in that one special night I fell asleep completely contented and relaxed.

Kaelah's Corner (May 2011): Therapy?

2011-05-31T21:15:00.000+02:00

Today's topic is a very controversial one. As a matter of fact I assume that some readers might even be offended by the mere fact that I'm going to ask certain questions in this post. Mind you, my intention isn't to say that things are either this or that way. But I've made some observations and experiences in our community that made me wonder. And I've decided to share my thoughts with you and ask for your opinion.

I guess all of you have heard or read about stress-relief spankings, spanking for the purpose of releasing otherwise suppressed emotions, spankings that helped people to get rid of a bad mood and even spankings that worked as a kind of therapy against forms of chronic pain. And I assume that it is widely agreed in our community that many kinksters don't only use spanking as a part of their sexual play, but also, at least from time to time, for the one or other of the “therapeutic” purposes mentioned above.

But these aren't the forms of therapy I want to talk about today. So, what is today's post all about? Basically, it is about the question whether spanking and the frameworks of kinky relationships are used, much more often than one might assume at first sight, as a kind of self-therapy that helps people to cope with negative experiences, personal insecurities and even potentially damaging behaviour in a controlled manner. And secondly, it is about the question whether there is a significantly higher amount of people with certain forms of insecurities or a predisposition for certain forms of self-violating behaviour in our community compared to society as a whole.

The observations I am going to share with you touch completely different aspects of kink and our community. My intention is not to say that these aspects are in any way correlated with each other. And this is not about a moral judgement, either. However, all of these observations fed similar thoughts and questions. I'll share them with you one by one to show you what I'm talking about.

The first observation is one that I have made about kinky relationships, in the online community as well as in one of the local communities here in Munich. In both environments I've been confronted with many relationships that involve a permanent unidirectional power dynamics. I'm not only talking about kinky play here, I'm talking about concepts for a partnership as a whole.

A form that seems very common to me and which Ludwig has often come across at the local community is the daddy-girl dynamic. I'm well aware that many people only use that dynamic for role-play scenarios, but there also seem to be a lot of couples for whom this is a permanent part of their relationship. From my observation, these relationships tend to be between rather young women and men who usually are at least a few years older than their partner.

Several of the women I know who are in such a form of relationship admit that they don't feel like adults (yet) and that they are looking for someone to protect them and care for them. Someone who is older and wiser and can teach them things about life. And someone they can call whenever things are getting rough and who will, like a friend aptly called it, “jump in on his white horse, wearing his shining armor, and go to tilt at windmills”.

Ludwig has made the observation that, in his view, many of the women he knows from the local scene seem less self-reliant and less adult than the average women their age. Another observation we both made, when listening to stories about their background, is that many of the women seeking this form of daddy-girl relationship apparently did not have a caring father figure in their childhood and deeply missed that experience.

From my observation, there seem to be certain types of tops that are involved in daddy-girl relationships as well. I've got the impression that often the men in these relationships seem to seek not only the feeling of being loved, but also the feeling of being needed, of being looked up to and of being superior to their partner concerning life experience, knowledge and the like.

What makes me think even more about the question whether both parties use the power dynamics of their relationship to deal with certain insecurities is that I have seen women outgrow this form of relationship, which usually led to a split-up. While the women, from what I have seen, then usually looked for a more equal partnership, it seems to me like the men involved often found it more difficult to cope with the end of the relationship and tried to overcome the loss by looking for a new girl to care for.

Of course, the daddy-girl relationships are not the only ones with a permanent power dynamics like this. Forms of relationships which seem to be much more uncommon among our local friends, but about which I've read a lot in the online community are HOH (head of household), FLR (female led relationship) and 24/7 master-slave relationships. I don't have as much knowledge about the background of the people involved in these kinds of relationships, but what strikes me is that the submissives often describe certain similar-sounding needs.

Those are: the need for leadership in their lives, the need to be given rules and to be held accountable, the need to be helped with improving their behaviour and with getting rid of bad habits. What I've heard quite often as well is the wish to please their partner in return. I've read much less from people who are in charge in such a relationship, but it seems to me that what they seek often is caring for and helping another person, but also obedient behaviour and (unquestioning) submission from their partner. So, it seems to me that the power dynamics in these kinds of relationships are quite similar to the one in daddy-girl relationships.

What I'm asking myself is: Why do there seem to be so many relationships with that kind of power dynamics in our community? Does submission often go along with insecurities and the wish to give up a certain amount of responsibility for one's own daily life? Does dominance often go along with the wish to feel strong through caring for and having the obedience of another person? Or am I completely wrong about the power dynamics and the underlying motives of the kinds of relationships I've described? Maybe the truth lies somewhere in the middle?

Power dynamics in relationships are not the only thing that made me think, though. I have to admit that I have never read and heard as much about horrible experiences of real abuse during childhood / adolescence as in the kinky community. And I've never come across so many stories about, and evidence of, self-harming behaviour as I did here. In both cases, I have no idea whether this is just because we generally talk more openly about life experiences in our community or whether there is indeed a significantly higher number of people with bad experiences in our community than in the general population. The self-destructive behaviours I'm talking about are, for example, self-cutting or beating oneself up mentally with permanent feelings of guilt.

So, the question is: Is there a statistical correlation at all or is it just co-incidence? And can spanking be used in any way to deal with horrible memories or to control potentially self-harming tendencies? Furthermore, can spanking play also be dangerous in case someone has a tendency towards a certain form of self-harming behaviour? I know at least one woman who eventually interpreted her tendency of getting involved in increasingly dark play scenarios as a self-destructive pattern and then turned away from that form of play.

I've also come across some self-descriptions of tops that were quite similar and to me sounded like they somehow used spanking as a form of therapy. Basically, these tops admitted to having a kind of dark side, “inner demons” or an “inner werewolf” with which they dealt by letting it out in a controlled manner in their kinky play. I don't know how common this experience is (and I'm not sure how many people would admit to having made that experience), but I know at least two tops who described themselves this way...

So much for the diverse observations that made me wonder about possible common patterns. Of course, I thought about my own kink and possible motives for my personal fantasies as well and I found the results quite revealing. I'm going to share them with you in another post.

For today I'd like to leave you with my different observations and these questions: Do therapeutic effects explain a (smaller or bigger) part of our spanking fantasies and the power dynamics of kinky relationships? If so, what are the advantages and possible risks? And, the certainly most controversial question of all: Could there be a statistical correlation between kinkiness and certain problematic character traits (like being easily stressed out, or even a tendency towards self-harm), negative experiences during childhood or adolescence, and / or feelings of insecurity? I don't think that anyone knows the ultimate truth about these questions, but I would very much like to hear about your personal experiences and thoughts.

Castle Schreckenstein

2011-05-20T22:08:00.000+02:00

(Castle Deuna in Thuringia - A drawing that comes

close to my mental image of Castle Schreckenstein.)

Today I would like to share a book excerpt with you that has had a major influence on my kink. It's from a German book series written by Oliver Hassencamp about a school for boys which is located in an old castle named “Schreckenstein” (“Horrorstone”). The boys call themselves knights and have decided to stick to the ideals of the former inhabitants of the castle: fairness, honesty and truthfulness. Their code includes not lying to anybody, not even the teachers, vouching for each other and neither drinking nor smoking, because these are habits that the knights consider lame.

The oldest and most merited boys form the “board of knights“. Their conferences are held in the old torture chamber of the castle. The board of knights is responsible for working out plans if the school faces some kind of trouble, but of course the boys also love to play pranks. The rules are that pranks are supposed to be creative fun and that no one should get hurt.

Castle Schreckenstein is located at a lake and across that lake, opposite to Schreckenstein, there is a girls school named “Rosenfels” (“Rosecliff”). The knights have a love-hate relationship with the girls and they enjoy playing pranks on each other. Sometimes the boys, girls and their teachers also meet officially, for example for lessons in what the boys call “moving cupboards”, which of course means dancing.

When Castle Schreckenstein has to be renovated, the boys are allowed to stay at Rosenfels with their teachers for the time being. Of course, this leads to the one or other strange or funny event. Then a problematic incident happens: A boy nicknamed “Steamroller” (because of his strength), a member of the board of knights, violates the code of honour. When the girls make fun of him, calling him “muscleman with a featherbrain”, Steamroller assumes that Stephan, another member of the board of knights, must have told them about this rarely used and hated second nickname of his. Angrily, he attacks Stephan and gives him a kick in front of the girls. In the evening, the board of knights meets in the barn to solve the issue.

I have translated the excerpt for you into English:

“Do you admit to having embarrassed us with your lack of self control?” asked “Midge” who acted as chairman. Steamroller nodded. Midge continued: “It is difficult enough for our headmaster to defend our special ways here at Rosenfels. Your misdemeanour redounds upon all of us.” Steamroller nodded again. Midge came to the conclusion: “Then let's begin with the torture.”

Under normal circumstances, a knight who had vialoted the code of hounour would have been sentenced to a ritual boxing match. It was an honour to be choosen as the opponent on such an occasion. The matches were only witnessed by the headmaster, the head boy and two seconds. The results weren't published. After the match the whole incident was always forgiven and forgotten.

At Rosenfels, a boxing match wasn't a valid option, though. The inevitable marks on the faces would have caught the girls' attention and they surely would have made fun of the boys in question. In addition to that, the strict headmistress of Rosenfels would probably have accused the headmaster of Schreckenstein of not managing to keep his boys from brawling.

That's why the knights had decided for a punishment on the bottom instead. Steamroller was about to receive 21 cane strokes on the bare, three from each of them. He leaned with his forehead on a pillar, his backside facing the judges. One by one Stephan, Ottokar, Andi, Klaus, Dieter, Hans-Jürgen and Midge stepped forward, took aim and diligently administered their strokes. Steamroller didn't make a sound.

"Hereby the incident is forgiven and forgotten", proclaimed Midge after the last stroke had been administered. "Forgiven and forgotten", repeated Steamroller the ritual formular and shook hands with everyone. His face looked like it were made of stone. After the ceremony he stormed outside and sat down in the snow. "For cooling down", he explained. The others had followed him. Suddenly they heard the sound of footsteps in the snow. An electric torch was lit and a female voice asked: "What's going on here? Have you killed one of you guys?"

It was Sonja [a young teacher at Rosenfels] and with her came Beatrix and Ingrid [two of the girls who witnessed Steamroller's attack earlier that day]. Klaus and Andi had stepped in front of Steamroller who jumped up and rearranged his clothes as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, Midge detracted the unexpected female guests by involving them in a conversation: "Actually, we thought about sleeping outside tonight", he said. "Oh, in that case we've got a warm blanket for you", answered his sister Ingrid and showed the puzzled knights something that must have been a frozen tablecloth but rather looked like a board, stiff as it was. "We forgot that one outside", Beatrix explained.

Suddenly Steamroller stepped forward: "And you expect us to believe that?" he asked. "Oh, my...", answered Ingrid, "I didn't know that the hot-tempered maharaja was here as well. What was wrong with you earlier?" - "He just reminded me of something...", said Stephan and changed the topic: "Why are we standing outside in the cold? Don't you like to come in?" "Okay", Sonja agreed, "but just until half past nine."

Steamroller ran ahead, put away the cane and positioned two raw wooden benches in front of the heater. The girls stepped in, followed by the knights. Steamroller fetched cups and a boiler and soon they were all sitting in front of the heater drinking hot bouillon. "What a great idea, Steamoller!" praised Ingrid. Steamroller smiled. Now his misdeed was truly forgiven and forgotton. [...] A while later, Steamroller also fetched some soft blankets. "How mindful of you", remarked Ingrid. Steamroller folded the blankets and made sure that he was sitting on a soft pad as well. The other knights understood his act of courtesy only too well...

What I love about this scene is that it is consensual, taking the spanking is a matter of honour, there is a lot of ritual, the reactions are very restrained, there is no talking-off and no humiliation and no hard feelings afterwards. Everything stays among the people involved and afterwards, the misdeed is forgiven and forgotten. The other knights even defend Steamroller in front of the girls.

I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of this spanking, though, because the feeling of having let the others down would be horrible and not sexy at all. But in the role of an observer, I find this scenario very intriguing indeed. Of course, I would have loved to go to school at Schreckenstein, anyway, being the only girl among the knights, living with them as an accepted member of their community, playing pranks and proudly defending their code of honour.

The combination of a kinky scene that had all the ingredients that turn me on with an environment which I felt drawn to and characters whom I loved was a thrilling find. Even today, I very rarely read or watch any kinky scenes that touch me in the way this little excerpt did. Although I had to smile a bit, when I re-read the scene for the translation after so many years, because I thought: That was it? Such a short description without any explicit details?

Speaking of explicit details: Unfortunately I know that a scene like that will most probably never be captured on video. Pandora is already struggling to find two male spanking models who are interested in making a M/M scene for her upcoming site. (Go, Pandora!) Unfortunately I am not able to help out (that's the irony, I can help with every spanking constellation except for the one I'm most interested in as a viewer). And I assume the chances for a scene with so many sweet guys are rather low.

Well, sometimes only having a written description of a great scene also has its advantages! One can visualize the scenario the way one prefers. When I was younger, the scene which I have just shared with you was one I definitely imagined very often and very vividly. It has influenced my kink to this day.

The Bubble of Viewer Fantasy

2011-05-16T17:27:00.002+02:00

There was one interesting point that came up during a comment debate on Zille Defeu's blog a while ago, which I would like to raise again today. I think it deserves a post of its own and I would like to hear your opinions. In a nutshell, the question is: if a spanking video viewer has the fantasy (or rather, the belief) that models are suffering real, i.e. non-consensual abuse at spanking video shoots, and if he gets off on that idea, does the producer then have an obligation to leave that belief in place, to not destroy the hot fantasy? Or does the producer have an obligation to speak up and dispel such ideas because they give entirely the wrong impression about the industry?

The answer seems obvious to me, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. Let me start by recounting how the issue came up. In a response to Zille's question What do YOU want from spanking porn?, a commenter with a tears fetish complained that there wasn't enough crying in spanking videos (has he seen any Eastern European stuff?). He theorised that "most spanking models don't want to cry because they are too in control" and suggested that they should be made to cry "whether they like it or not", perhaps with the help of onions. "Of course, the best route is to find newbie models that are nervous and can't control themselves once they realize just how much it hurts and how little prepared they were."

Kaelah and I replied that forcing models to show reactions with which they are obviously not comfortable and taking advantage of the inexperience of newbies is borderline abusive, if not outright abusive. To be fair, the commenter later modified / clarified his positon: "I am not talking about forcing someone to do something they don’t want to do." But this was not apparent in the beginning, and instead of going over the whole boring discussion again, I would like to focus on something Zille wrote after the initial exchange of comments:

"[T]he consumers deserve to have their fantasies about the porn industry left in place. [...] Many porn sites exist within a fantasy bubble. Take the idea, for instance, that 'just a normal guy' gets a camera and a van and drives around getting girls to have sex with him in the van, while he takes pictures of them in action. Is he really picking a girl up off the street — hell no. He’s advertised for the models, and the 'pick up' is acted. (Sorry if I have just busted anyone’s bubble, there!) The thing is, while this would be reprehensible in real life (or at least, would lead to a good deal of STDs — the nice thing about finding real models is that they have all their tests done!), the fantasy that this is 'real' is what is working for the customers of the porn he makes. And without that delicate bubble being maintained, the site looses most of its potency."

"As a model, I need to know I’m being taken care of, and I will only work with producers who will be ethical. [...] But customers don’t have those details to worry about (unless they want to) and it shouldn’t be forced on them. None of us can help what turns us on. If [a customer] likes thinking about shoots that are possibly less consensual than they ought to be, that’s his right, and he never needs to have reality get in the way of that. As makers of porn, we DO have to worry about it. He doesn’t."

Now, before we go on, I think we should be very careful to distinguish between what is fantasy and what is reality. Zille is certainly right when she writes: "None of us can help what turns us on." I have never criticised anyone for their erotic fantasies. You can fantasise about the sickest, vilest, most sadistic, most abusive acts imaginable, it's all good as far as I'm concerned (I have some pretty vile fantasies myself). There are no immoral fantasies, there are only immoral actions.

But that is the point: you should, of course, be able to distinguish between fantasy and reality. And you should, of course, understand that while issues of morality don't apply to fantasies, they do apply to actions in the real world.

If a spanking video viewer wants to fantasise about shoots "that are possibly less consensual than they ought to be", knowing that this is a mere fantasy and that nothing of the sort is really happening at spanking video shoots, then that is perfectly fine with me. But I don't think that this is what Zille was talking about. The way I read her, she was talking about viewers who really believe that shoots aren't consensual, and about how their "fantasy bubble" has to be left in place in order not to ruin that precious fantasy.

This is where I disagree with her. The point is that this kind of "fantasy" is not a mere fantasy anymore, it is a belief - a belief about what goes on in the spanking video industry in the real world. And if someone voices such a belief publicly, or the suggestion that this is how things should really be done, then I as someone who has many friends in the spanking video industry and who has occasionally starred in spanking videos himself feel the need to speak up.

Why? Why not just let people believe what they want to believe? Where is the harm? They aren't hurting anyone, they are not porn producers, they are just viewers... So why the need to confront them with reality? This is the position Zille was taking. But in my opinion, she is missing one very important point. If people voice the belief that spanking video shoots aren't consensual, and if we endorse this belief (either quietly, by not saying anything to dispel it, or worse, by active encouragement), then we are creating the impression

1) that this is really going on at spanking video shoots, and

2) that we consider it acceptable that this is going on at spanking video shoots

Sorry, but that is not an image I want to create, and it is not the kind of industry I as a performer would want to be associated with. So, not only do I not feel any obligation to leave intact viewer “fantasies” about real abuse taking place at spanking video shoots. I feel an obligation to speak up against them. I would say to anyone who harbours them: “Look, dude, you can fantasise all you want, but here you are talking about the real world, and this is just not how things work in the real world.”

If we as makers of spanking porn fail to dispel publicly uttered beliefs about shoots that are "less consensual than they ought to be", how are we going to defend ourselves against the anti-porn prudes who claim that all porn is inherently immoral and abusive, anyway?

I also disagree with the view that porn consumers don't have to worry about the reality of the industry. I believe that consumers have an obligation to worry about whether the products they buy are produced in an ethical manner or not. This applies to cosmetics and animal experiments, clothes and child labour - and to pornography and how it is made.

I know that Zille has shot with producers like Pandora Blake and that she is very keen on the whole ethical porn / fair trade porn concept. So I was surprised by her stance in this discussion. Then again, I might be reading too much into her comment. Perhaps I am misinterpreting what, exactly, she was trying to say. Or perhaps she was simply trying to calm down the discussion, trying to keep the two verbose Germans from hijacking the thread further and further from its original purpose!

In any case, I do believe that the necessity and the benefit of educating people about the spanking porn industry and about the fact that we strive to operate in an ethical manner outweighs the sacrifice of potentially bursting a few "fantasy bubbles". The pragmatic question I ask myself in this context is: how many people really believe in the fantasy bubble nonsense, anyway? How many people actually believe that there is a guy, driving around in his car, picking up regular girls from the street who spontaneously and enthusiastically agree to make a porn video with him? How many people actually believe (to name another fluffy story, one that I have seen on a spanking site) that a spanking model "misbehaved" at a video shoot and was then promptly and seriously punished by the producer, with the cameras running, of course?

If you are ready to believe any of these stories, then... Sorry, sir, but you are an idiot! And you could perhaps benefit from a little refresher in common sense and in how real people behave in the real world. Don't be insulted. It might save you from a few slaps in the face, in case you were contemplating driving around in your car, looking for random girls to shoot porn videos with...

But my guess is that there are only very, very few people who believe such stories, anyway. I believe (I hope, at least!) that the vast majority of spanking video viewers is quite capable of telling fantasy from reality, telling a porn site's advertising shtick from what is really going on at shoots. Doesn't diminish their enjoyment of the videos one bit. The spankings are real, the pain is real, the marks on the bottoms are real, and that is the main thing. The fact that there isn't any real, i.e. non-consensual abuse, that everything is agreed on between the performers, is a cause of reaussurance for the majority of viewers, not a cause of disappointment.

Look at professional wrestling. Everyone knows that it is a pre-arranged spectacle rather than a true sport, that the outcomes of the matches are fixed, that the moves are chereographed in advance, that the wrestlers don't really hate each other, that the "feuds" between them are just stories. And still, there are millions of fans who watch it. Because they can still go into that fantasy world and be excited and entertained by it, despite knowing the reality. People are entertained by horror films and action films, too, while understanding perfectly well that they do not depict real events.

Anyway, that is my take on it. But I am really interested in your opinions. How important is the viewer "fantasy bubble"? Does it have to be left in place when it concerns beliefs about what is really going on at spanking video shoots? Or do we have to burst it and make clear how things really work? Am I being naive when I claim that no one believes in ludicrous "regular guy picks up girls for porn videos" stories, anyway? Am I over-optimistic when I posit that 99% of the viewing public understand what is real and what isn't? Let me know your thoughts.