tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post6381488501686908423..comments2023-10-18T09:35:55.767+02:00Comments on LUDWIG'S ROHRSTOCK-PALAST: Speculative QuestionsLudwighttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14975294529532823252noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-73186343991068804112011-07-18T16:33:51.517+02:002011-07-18T16:33:51.517+02:00@ Respecting Mistress:
Thanks a lot for your inte...@ Respecting Mistress:<br /><br />Thanks a lot for your interesting comment and for sharing your thoughts! I can definitely relate to your “saving a girl from punishment and being a hero” fantasy. That one is right up my alley. I also think that it is normal that there are the mixed feelings concerning spanking, while the fantasy is hot the idea of the real thing is scaring. I'm very glad that I wasn't spanked as a child, because I think otherwise it might have affected my kink negatively.<br /><br />I think it is great that you and your wife have found a way of using your desire for spanking in a way that works for you. I'm quite sure, though, that you see yourself much more negatively than you are. To me you generally seem to be a very kind and not overbearing person. And I'm sure that your wife wouldn't have married you if she didn't love you for who you are. If DD helps you to achieve certain goals and to feel less guilty about your flaws (which everyone has) that is of course great! Maybe you will one day find a mixture of DD and erotic spankings (which you seem to crave as well), so that both of your desires will be fulfilled. I don't think that there must be a contradiction between doing both things.<br /><br /><br />@ KFG:<br /><br />I absolutely agree with you that one should be very careful about the messages one is programming one's play partner with during a scene!<br /><br /><br />@ Prefectdt:<br /><br />The question about differences between men and women concerning self-harm seems indeed to be a difficult one. I've taken a look at the Wikipedia article about the topic and it says that some years ago the theory was that self-harm is much more common among women than among men. Newer studies imply that the difference concerning the numbers isn't all that big, but they seem to be different forms of self-harm. Not sure why that is. I haven't read anything about differences that are caused by the different body chemistry, though...<br /><br /><br />@ Rich:<br /><br />I'm indeed careful about using the term therapy in a technical sense, because I think in case of bigger psychological issues one should seek professional help and that it can be dangerous to try any form of self-therapy under these circumstance. But I think that many people very consciously use spanking in order to deal with negative emotions and to feel more balanced (or that they are at least aware that this can be a positive side-effect of spanking). And to my mind that is a very good thing!Kaelahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17108718924415630397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-8951439332154604022011-07-01T09:27:44.963+02:002011-07-01T09:27:44.963+02:00Kaelah, I think you were careful to use the term t...Kaelah, I think you were careful to use the term therapy in a non-technical sense. I guess I would not put limits on what might result from kinky experiences. But I think most people would agree that we don't have good control of what happens, which is why any therapeutic results are kind of incidental and what prevents this from being therapy in a technical sense.<br /><br />Anonymous, I found what you said quite interesting. And I think you have a very good point about being careful what kinds of messages we use in our play. These messages may become very deeply embedded in the unconscious. And, in fact, I think carefully about what things I say to my submissives because I want to build up their self-esteem.<br /><br />Respecting Mistress, I was very interested to read about your experiences. I think this shows that one of the most important aspects is not what you do but how you use it. Spankings can be used to tear down or to build up. It's fascinating how humans can take experiences that, on their face are very difficult, and integrate them into their lives to make those lives better.Rich Personhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01029518662880068066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-47353330877909737702011-06-29T23:30:50.374+02:002011-06-29T23:30:50.374+02:00About the self harming thing. I would like to say ...About the self harming thing. I would like to say that what I think is just a suspicion, I do not have enough knowledge or evidence to even call it a theory. I have never heard of a male spankee using self harm in a way that helped them or they felt the desire to do it (unless you count self spanking of coarse). This does not mean that it is proven that it does not happen amongst men, just that I have evidence of such. It could just be that men who self harm are also very tight lipped about it.<br /><br />Since I started reading blogs though it became evident that many of the female spankees, that write blogs, have self harmed in the past.<br /><br />Why there is this apparent difference between the two sexes is something that I would like to know more about and am always looking for further information.<br /><br />PrefectdtSPANKEDHORTIC IIhttp://spankedhortic.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-19493744245523926252011-06-29T13:29:18.548+02:002011-06-29T13:29:18.548+02:00@ Rich Person: interesting to hear about reactivat...@ Rich Person: interesting to hear about reactivation therapy. It sounds related to how spanking play can be used to process challenging past experiences. <br /><br />For instance my peers and I went to a strict Catholic school where CP was very much the order of the day.<br /><br />When we played school, it was all about the teacher ordering the others around and giving them spankings. I think you could say we were just "processing" or trying to come to terms with what we had "learned' in school by acting it out for ourselves in role play.<br /><br />Our discussion (in this post and the last) so far has been about what I'll call secondary levels of spanking therapy. But let's not forget that spanking was invented primarily as a therapy for bad behaviour. Interesting to look at how that works. My guess is that it has to do with connecting the message -- typically repeated during before and after the spanking -- with intensifications of feelings. Really it's pretty simple. Does it work? Well, what do you think?<br /><br />With that understanding in mind, we would do well to be careful what messages we're programming our partners with during play spanking scenes.<br /><br />A more extreme version of the same principle is, I'd say, trauma based mind control programming, about which you can find a lot on the web from former sex slaves and Satanic cult victims like Cisco Wheeler.<br /><br />While that sort of thing is revolting in the extreme, I wonder if one of the ways in which our spanking play can be therapeutic on a species-wide level, is that it's a way of us processing all the abuse we've been dealt in the name of discipline and maintenance of the social order over the past millennia.<br /><br />On a personal level, an interest in spanking culture does sensitize one to power dynamics in vanilla interpersonal relationships -- office politics and the like. We can spot what's going on in attempts of one person to dominate others perhaps more easily that the average man on the street.<br /><br />Michel Foucault in his book "Discipline and Punish" talks about the evolution of thought when it comes to how society deals with miscreants. According to him, the idea that punishment should be meted out against the body of the wrongdoer is rather more ancient than the modern forms of incarceration which amount to psychological punishment. I'm sure he's written a lot more about our themes but I've yet to read it all.<br /><br />One idea I've been kicking around for a while (and I would appreciate others' help in tracking down its origins) is that idea that what I'll call social memes -- I consider spanking to be one -- start out as survival techniques, evolve from there into quasi-codified elements of the social order, and from there into playthings of the leisure class.<br /><br />With the advent of the internet I believe there's been a mass awakening of consciousness around the spanking meme. I'd say it's something like the 100 monkeys effect.<br /><br />Now turning our minds for a moment to 2012 and all that, there are those who'd say we're needing to work through our stuff so that we can take that quantum leap to a further level of consciousness or whatever you want to call it when the stars align for 2012. See Richard Tarnas "Cosmos and Psyche" for more on world transits and cultural history.<br /><br />So is our preoccupation with spanking play and discussion a part of working through our issues, or is merely another form of indulgence? Or something else?<br /><br />Karl Friedrich GaussAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-67161846653158520862011-06-29T13:28:56.281+02:002011-06-29T13:28:56.281+02:00Hi Kealah. Just some more thoughts.
The other thin...Hi Kealah. Just some more thoughts.<br />The other thing about my childhood I recall was playing up in front of visitors who came to the house. Despite my shyness, somehow I always seemed to run riot when relatives came in. Not doing really bad things but just being a bit of pain, interrupting conversations and generally showing off as children do. The outstanding memory of this was hating myself after this. There was never any punishment from my parents, rarely even a mention of what I thought was bad behaviour. But something inside told me I was in the wrong. I never recall thinking I deserved some kind of corporal punishment sanction but in hindsight maybe it was a form of ‘bratting’?<br />This feeling of, what shall we call it, self-disgust, has stuck with me into adult life. Things like having a little too much drink and being overbearing in company. Not even having too much drink but still having that feeling of being overbearing. I suppose I don’t like being the centre of attention and don’t know how to deal with it.<br />Looking back, maybe the problem with my childhood was that I didn’t receive any corporal punishment. I often wonder what if I’d been sent to the Headmaster’s office for six of the best? Or if my parents had a cane hooked on the back of the kitchen door.<br />But now my kink is put to good use because it from being a game Mistress and I played, it has now become a form of therapy. We both realised that at heart I am lazy, selfish and yes, overbearing person, and the use of corporal punishment to correct my real faults is a good tool to keep me in check and our relationship on an even keel.<br />Of course you could argue that we are essentially still playing out my fantasies, but used in the right context we both feel it is working as ‘real punishment’.<br />The one thing we have to overcome is that feeling I know others with similar interests have of actually ‘needing’ to feel the cane at certain times and the use of maintenance punishments to avoid ‘bratting’. But now I’m right off subject…..Respecting Mistresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00283458872041706615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-30681330529015239022011-06-29T13:28:14.793+02:002011-06-29T13:28:14.793+02:00Hi Kealah. Another interesting and well thought-ou...Hi Kealah. Another interesting and well thought-out post. Thank you. <br />I’m nowhere near as eloquent as you in explaining my inner thoughts or interests and, I’m not even sure this really answers any of your questions, but I’ve grappled for years to understand my kink which, as you know, has always been an absolute desire to suffer corporal punishment at the hands of a woman. <br />Most of the time I just accept who I am now and enjoy my kink – and rejoice I have a partner who enjoys employing corporal punishment methods to keep me in line. But from time to time, especially reading posts like this, I do start to reflect on how I ended up with my kink…..<br />I’m lucky enough that I never suffered any trauma as a childhood so I can’t lay any blame there. Except, looking back, I realise now that I lacked a lot of confidence and self esteem – things which have moulded my life and that I still suffer from today. <br />Being like that, I always suffered from acute embarrassment and, as a child, I suppose that affected me more than I thought. I had a few good friends but, because of my rather reserved nature I didn’t have a lot of relationships with girls (shyness through fear of being embarrassed and the fear of rejection perhaps?).<br />My sexual fantasises as a child were always corporal punishment based. Never do I recall fantasising about normal sexual activities and if a porn mag appeared I was far more excited reading three or four paragraphs about some CP encounter than looking at all the naked flesh.<br />The one fantasy that featured predominantly in my head was taking blame for something one of the girls had done wrong at school, obviously the girl I fancied at any given time. The result was that I’d be caned in front of the class but only she would know I’d done it for her and I’d win her affection. <br />Deep inside though I had an absolute fear of the cane at school – not so much the actual pain it might inflict but having to endure the whole ritual of being called out in class, being caned, trying not to stifle any emotion. And then having to live with the thought that everyone was talking about how I’d been caned and how I’d taken it etc. Because that was the way when I was at school. Who had been caned, why they had been caned and how may strokes they had suffered was a popular topic of conversation not just among the boys but the parents too. My mother often came home saying, ‘Mrs X was saying today that her Jimmy got caned for stealing then……’<br />I’ve wondered for years if the fear I experienced was actually bordering on excitement and made me who I am.Respecting Mistresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00283458872041706615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-81617529585031743922011-06-29T12:12:23.739+02:002011-06-29T12:12:23.739+02:00@ Our Bottoms Burn:
Thank you very much for your k...@ Our Bottoms Burn:<br />Thank you very much for your kind compliment! I always try to put much care into sensitive topics like this one, but still it is very difficult to hit the right tone of voice, to avoid misunderstandings and not to oversee important aspects...<br /><br />@ Rich Person:<br />Thanks a lot for your comment and for sharing your thoughts about the topic!<br /><br />I was of course by no means talking about a real "therapy" and about something people should do consciously in order to solve a certain issue. I used the word "therapy" in the sense that kinky play could be even more than fun and sexual pleasure, that we might also be able to use kinky play and kinky relationships in order to grow from our experiences and to feel stronger, safer or more balanced. I don't think that kinky play can solve any major psychological issues, though, to my mind these issues need a professional treatment.<br /><br />I absolutely agree with you in that I don't think that there is a higher number of people with negative childhood experiences in the kinky community compared to society as a whole. To my mind there could be two main reasons why I have been confronted with that topic more often in the kinky community: First of all I think that there is a certain openness about these things in the kinky community. Secondly I assume that negative experiences can affect our kinky play in the way that they define either no-go-areas or important parts one might be longing for. Both aspects could explain why negative childhood experiences seem to be mentioned more often in our community. <br /><br />From my point of view kinky play can't really help to overcome any severe trauma and I assume that very negative past experiences can rather become landmines that should be avoided in kinky play. The only positive effect I can imagine is that the experiences of living out sexual fantasies that require a lot of trust and living in a relationship with a caring and trustworthy partner can be positive counterparts to negative experiences from the past.<br /><br />Concerning "smaller" negative experiences which didn't cause a severe trauma but caused sadness nonetheless I agree with your idea that reactivating them in spanking play but giving them a positive ending could indeed be helpful. To my mind another possible approach is to incorporate things into one's kinky play or kinky relationship that one misses in one's "vanilla" life or has missed in the past, for example feeling strong and invincible (an important factor in my heroine play) or having a caring father figure (like in a daddy-girl-relationship).<br /><br />I think this is indeed an interesting field for further discussions, but also a very sensitive one!Kaelahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17108718924415630397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-54365796840473188522011-06-29T08:50:39.116+02:002011-06-29T08:50:39.116+02:00I think this is a topic that should be explored fu...I think this is a topic that should be explored further. It is easy to become overly reactive to the combination of BDSM and therapy because, I'm sure, anyone interested in therapy would worry that it might put people off about therapy if they thought it was related in some way to practices they didn't feel comfortable with.<br /><br />But, I think that there are a lot of elements of what we do that could address issues. I don't think that people that have had some childhood trauma are that much more likely to be involved than the general population, and I think that what limited studies as have been done bear that out.<br /><br />But there is a kind of therapy that I think is called "reactivation therapy" or something similar to that, and the theory is that we can effectively dissipate the negative consequences of a bad experience by reactivating the memories in a way that allows us to deal with them.<br /><br />If you take this at face value, then it would seem that some of the extreme experiences in the SM world might replay former, perhaps overwhelming, experiences in a context where the participant can deal with them. If an experience is overwhelming, then it can get stuck in our minds and never resolve itself. But if you then experience something like that in a way that you can handle (in essence, in a consensual situation), then you might be able to release some of the trauma.<br /><br />While I don't think that this would be used as therapy, I would think that the experiences common in our community might tend to help participants in this way.<br /><br />There are many more aspects to this, and I think that we would discover a lot more if we faced this with courage.Rich Personhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01029518662880068066noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-616982860776135414.post-20443138538683156212011-06-28T18:58:14.273+02:002011-06-28T18:58:14.273+02:00A thoughtful and thoroughly scholarly article. I w...A thoughtful and thoroughly scholarly article. I would not pretend that I could add any significant content to your thoughts.Our Bottoms Burnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11365742469460740718noreply@blogger.com